Question:

Will you please critique this bit I have written? ?

by  |  earlier

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Vision is altered

Reality fades away

Into pretense.

I cried

You heard

Tears turn

To smile

Silence

Deepens

Darkness

Creeps in

I feel

Safe now

Stay here

All night

With you

With me

So right

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4 ANSWERS

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  1. I was OK for me. I would have liked more physical touching.


  2. Uhhh, OK. Slowly she turns...Inch by inch...Step by step

  3. Wake me when it's over. ZzZzZz.

  4. The words are deep. They could 'v conveyed the meaning better if they took another form; your usual form.
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