Will you please give me some critque on my writing?

Question

Hi,

Will you please read the first chapter of a story I'm writing, and tell me what you think? I'd be very thankful for whatever constructive criticism and guidance you have.

It is not long. Only about 1200 words.

Thanks :D

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic35033.html

Answer 1

It's nice but I think you need to  use proper punctuation marks.

I'm sorry but I only read the first paragraph. If it isn't 9 in the evening, I would've read the whole thing-- even finish up to the last chapter.

(I'll put this on my watchlist so I can read the whole thing when I have time and maybe send you a complete review.)

Good luck!

-tepishane-

Answer 2

Review:

You have a very bad opening sentence, the first few paragraphs are information dumps too. NEVER start your first sentence as an information dump.

Your passage reeks of grammatical errors. Grammar should be right.

You add unnecessary stuff throughout the whole passage. NEVER add any unnecessary stuff to your writing.

Show, don't tell. If you had to tell me you felt awkward, you lose. If you can show to me, then you win.

Your characters need to be round, not flat.

Answer 3

Keep writing.

Answer 4

It's very good. I also read the attached review, and thought that your reviewer made some good points. Most of the things wrong with it are related to punctuation, which is easily fixed. Watch your construction- passive tense is acceptable, but there are times when rebuilding the sentence would make it more exciting. You have a good handle on dialogue, and I found myself starting to believe in your world, which is always the biggest hurdle for anybody trying to make it in the fantasy genre. I wish you the very best of luck.

Answer 5

THat is very nice, person above. And i think u sohuld have someone edit it. Then you could look into a publisher!

Answer 6

On the whole I think it is pretty good. However you need to watch your punctuation. It feels as though you have tried a bit too hard with that, putting commas and semi colons in when they are not necessary. On the whole though the story is interesting. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Vermillion Tide? This sounds very interesting! It leaves you reader wondering what happens in the last paragraph. I think the descriptions ar very good. Although I notice a semicolon was used between mountains, and bathed int he first sentence, when you usually wouldnt have to connect those two. You can get rid of the semicolon. I think you have a good basic plot, and you seem to understand what you're writing about, and can give your characters personality, which is good when writing. I think some of it needs to be edited, but just ask someone who you know reads, and writes well and I think you'll be good. I hope I've helped! Good luck and keep writing! Feel free to contact me if you have any more questions, or want to share more! :)