Will you read this and tell me what you think of it?

Question

Everyone else is putting up their writing here, it seems like. So, I figured I'd stop giving advice and start taking some. This is a test run, so to speak. Below is a little (i dunno what to call it) thing(?) I wrote one day and I would like to know what, if anything, it made you think/feel. Any and all genuine answer will be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

To write well is to give yourself away. It’s to take all your fears, all your tightly kept secrets and broadcast them the world over. To do any less is to desecrate the bond between word and paper. So I do no write. With no outlet, emotions fester, piling up higher and higher as the days pass, going beyond comfortable levels and higher still.

Pinpointing the fear is as troublesome as the fear itself, in some ways. It dons many a mask-lethargy, laziness, and lack of inspiration to name a few. It pretends it doesn’t exist, lying in a permanent state of denial. “Who would fear mere words on paper?” it mocks behind its masks. “Not I,” it lies, while the hands it rules type lines in the pretense of creative writing. The words hollow and vague as the mind, which conjured them; as moving as the puppet who helplessly typed them. Dead words from a dead host, as incapable of moving as the dead are incapable of feeling.

Answer 1

You write beautifully, and truthfully I have some of the same thoughts as you express in this piece. I suggest you write more, because if the rest is like this, it's definitely worth reading by someone.

It makes me feel confused, honestly, but not in a bad way. It makes me feel like this because in a way it's forcing me to question how I think on the topic as well, because in your own way, you outline or ask questions in this.

You've got a really nice vocabulary there, and it suits the piece well. This invokes all sorts of thoughts in me, although they're probably different for everyone.

Keep up the good work =)

Answer 2

Sure, I'll read it. I think I'm also looking for some reviewing for a change.

First thing I would rewrite the second sentence with better grammar flow: IT IS to take all OF your fears, all OF your tightly kept secrets and TO broadcast them TO ALL OVER the world. This fixes the parallelism problems and keeps it a bit clearer.

Typo in 4th sentence.

In 5th sentence, change 'piling' to 'pile' and change 'going' to 'go', to create parallelism.

The second paragraph could use a similar treatment, but I think you get the idea. Try to get all of your verbs into present tense active voice, and avoid straying into -ing verbs.

The message of what you've written here is probably pretty cool and dark, if also wholly ironic. Just spend a bit more time on the grammar of making it sound so cool, and you'll be golden.