Will you read this beginning of a story and critique?

Question

Burn out. I wasn't born this way. None of us were.

I was born a loser though. All of us were. It's not about how we grew up really. We weren't drawn to each other because of socio economic status or anything like that. We all came from different walks of life. Sure some of us had the propensity to be a loser in this respect. Being a loser is like an epidemic. You never know when it's going to hit you. I used to blame it on my parents. My dad didn't have a job or even go to college until well into his 40's. The only work my mom does is coming up with new illnesses so she can keep getting her social security checks. They were lazy losers, so it made sense that I would be one too. But there are other people whose parents are ambitious and caring, and they still end up losers. It's like schizophrenia. It hits late teens and gets progressively worse until you are removed from all reality. I tried once not to be one but it got me the end. It's hard work NOT to be. Although I do have this

Answer 1

I think you could eliminate the first seven sentences and you'd never miss them. You have a tendency to bounce between tenses -- but I am intrigued enough to want to know more.

Answer 2

I like it but I think you should change the "lazy losers" bit, it struck me as a bit slang-like or something.. the rest is good though I just think you should change that part : )

Answer 3

I was drawn in by the maudlin mood and it's got a dark humour that gives it a bit of grit. I think the 7th sentence could be improved by losing the "or anything like that" becasue up until then and after you are stringing together these choppy, sharp little sentances and I think it'd read better when shorter. And also, when you're talking about the parents you keep changing tenses e.g."my mom does" (present) and "they were" (past tense). I think you're a good writer...keep going.