With drinking being the subject, "How do I not offend family and friends from both sides at my wedding?"

Question

Here's the dilemma, My side of the family is very christian oriented and would be offended if there was drinking at my wedding. My boyfriend's family would be offended if there wasn't any drinking at the wedding. My boyfriend and I want drinking at our wedding. I can't really say my family would be offended, but more like disappointed in me. We don't want any negative feelings at our wedding. Any advice or possible solutions would help and thanks.

Answer 1

Unfortunately, There is NO way to keep everyone happy, unless you all agree in the first place.  This is your first lesson in that as a couple!  Do what you two truly want for your wedding and try not to overtly offend anyone.

Try this as a possibility if you decide to have liquor.  It won't totally remedy the situation but it could help keep the hurt feelings to a minimum.  

1.  Put the bar in a totally different room or area if possible.  Keep it away from the food & non-alcoholic drinks.  That way the non-drinkers don't even have to see it or go near it.

2.  Limit the bar service to about 3 hours.  Tell the caterers or bartenders to watch for people who are trying to overdo it on the drinks.  That way, the non-drinkers don't have to watch a bunch of drunks making fools of themselves and behaving badly at your wedding.

These ideas should at least make them feel as if you tried to take their feelings into consideration, even if they don't totally approve.

Answer 2

Yep...make it a cash bar.  That way, you're making it available to those who will want it, but not "insulting" (for lack of a better word) those who would question it by making it easily accessible (via an open bar).

Answer 3

Limit the alcohol to wine and beer and limit the beer to prevent too much rowdiness.

Answer 4

I am in a similar situation.  I will be getting married in less than a year and was considering having alcohol at the wedding.  Although my fiancee and I (as well as her parents) have no problem with drinking my parents do.  We opted to keep the non drinking side happy by going alcohol free.  We understand that while it is a celebration, alcohol is not neccessary.  

My opinion would be that you simply do what would make you and your fiancee the happiest.  This day is for you two and it is more about you all enjoying yourselves than it is about what the in-laws will think.

Answer 5

Sorry,but your thought and soon to be hubby is the only thought that matters.Congrats.

Answer 6

I have enclosed a note in the invitations that there will be a reception to follow the ceremomy and I added the menu and a note that both alcholic and non-alcohilic beverages would be served.

Answer 7

Compromise.  Provide enough champagne for the toasts (one or two glasses each for those over 21) and then have a cash bar.  Some people think a cash bar is tacky but I think it is a personal choice to drink therefore it shouldn't be left to the host to provide you with enough alcohol to fall on your face.  Or you can have one or two drinks on you and the rest be cash bar.

Answer 8

I'd skip the booze if I were you.

I can understand people finding booze at a wedding somewhat disappointing, if they consider a wedding to be a sacred religious ceremony. But I can't imagine people being "offended" that they don't get liquor.

You can always compromise: have your wedding at around 11am, do a luncheon reception and only serve wine + champagne for toasting. Few people expect hard liquor at a lunch time reception.

Answer 9

One option would be to eliminate the people from your guest list who must drink in order to have fun. You could serve just wine, but contrary to one poster's opinion, given enough wine one can get pretty soused. One question you should ask yourself is why is having alcohol so important to you. If drinking is necessary for you, or your fiance, or anyone else to enjoy themselves then this is a serious problem. People who drink to excess make functions such as yours very uncomfortable for those of us who can laugh, joke, dance and just in general have fun without alcohol.

Answer 10

If you want alcohol then have it- those that don't want it don't have to drink it. Just make sure you have plenty of non-alcoholic options such as mineral water, apple cider, soft drinks, juices or whatever drinks the guests might like.

You could limit the alcoholic drinks available e.g. just have beer and wine only rather than any spirits.

Answer 11

Please. Just do what you want. If they start getting on your case about alchohol, just change the subject. Say, maybe, something about how you weren't a virgin before you got married. That should keep them occupied.

Answer 12

Well, if you and your boyfriend want drinking and your family won't be offended, but just disappointed, then I'd go with the booze.

Answer 13

The point is that you want alcohol served at YOUR wedding. I find it offensive that family members would want you to not have what you want because of THEIR religious beliefs. You and your fiance want to serve alcohol, so serve it. Just tell your family that's what you will do and ask them to respect the wishes of you and your fiance. There is no reason they should feel disappointed in you; they should want you to be happy on your day. Good luck.

Answer 14

You two be good hosts and provide alcohol at your reception. Those who choose to not drink do not have to, obviously.

Answer 15

I think it should be okay to have an open bar (even if limited to just beer and wine) if that's what you want.  While I can understand that you are worried about offending/disappointing your family, if you explain beforehand your decision they will probably accept it fine.

People want to be happy for you and celebrate your day, I don't think that they will be looking for things to be unhappy about and will probably just let it slide for the sake of enjoying your wedding day.

Good Luck!

Answer 16

You're darned if you do and darned if you don't!!! The best idea I can offer is to have a wide variety of non alcoholic beverages at the wedding including bottles of sparkling non alcoholic "champagnes" on each table for the toasts. I am a SADD advisor so for every botte of wine, there is a bottle of non alcoholic cider and I am having "mocktails" served in addition to the beer, etc. That way everyone has a wide variety of drinks. No matter what you choose, someone will beak - ignore it. You can't please everyone but you can only do your best to accomodate evertone. This way, everyone has an option. Good luck with your choice and best wishes!!

P.S. Mocktails

Cherry coke - grenadine and coke

Pink Graduation - Grapefruit pop and grenadine

Mexican sunset - Orange juice and grenadine

Caramel apple - apple pop and caramel flavoring (the ones you use to flavor coffee works great)

These are the ones I am serving to my guests which include some of my students!

Answer 17

I'm sure your family would understand (well I hope they would).  There is drinking at most weddings.  They should pretty much expect it.  If its what you and your fiance want then thats what you should have.  I wouldn't recommend you go out and get plastered though...nobody wants a sloppy drunk bride!

Congratulations, good luck and have fun!  You can't make everyone happy.

Answer 18

You can choose to make it available through a cash bar instead of open bar which tends to make people drink less or you can choose to serve beer and wine only which helps prevent sloppy drunks. Of make the bar only open for an hour before dinner,.... closed during dinner and then reopen for an hour after dinner.

Most importantly it's your day and how you choose to host the party is between you and your husband.  Whatever makes the two of you happy should be the way it goes.  Your family I'm sure will look past and and not make an issue.

Answer 19

Your wedding day should be about what YOU want, not what your family wants, and if they love you they should understand and be happy for you on your day.

Remember, wine had been specially ordained by God to represent the precious blood of Jesus Christ.

So at the very least, a few bottles of Red!! =D

Answer 20

Don't drink too much that you'll be dizzy (although that day will hopefully be the happiest day of you're life).

Answer 21

I had the same problem. I purchased a small amount of alcohol -- enough to where people could drink, but they couldn't get drunk, basically. That way, no one really felt incredibly uncomfortable. Plus I didn't want a bunch of drunk people running around! Haha

Answer 22

Do what you want to do, and not what anyone else wants. It's your wedding and if anyone from the conservative side says anything to you, speak your mind and politely tell them that it's your day and you have no problem with drinking. Don't let other people's beliefs get in you way.