With satire central to my work, how can I disburse embitterment in short bursts?

Question

*****

CITIZEN SOLDIERS HAND

DOWN THEIR WEAPONS

Thank you, Father, for these fine arms.

The breastplate with family crest, I will wear

with pride. The helmet, Corinthian in style,

opened faced, so the enemy will see my horribleness,

Thank you, Father, for my Doru.

I will hold it firm and

stand my place is in the Phalanx

just as you and Uncle Dimi did against Sparta.

Thank you, Father, for my Xiphos.

I will stab at their hearts with its point.

“So, tell me, my son, what else would you like

for your twelfth birthday?”

*****

Answer 1

How about a twelve year old girl?

Answer 2

Well I remember my father bought my twin brother and I proper boxing gloves for our birthday about that age, in the hope of encouraging us to fight each other. How we enjoyed that exciting present!

It didn't work. The trouble was, we'd already had all the fight knocked out of us...

Was that burst short enough?

Answer 3

I thought this was the poetry section, you need to head on over to the history department. If someone tells you they understood this; he, she, it is obviously someone that loves you or someone that has way too much time on their hands..

Answer 4

As regards your lead question, steady as she goes, Commander...

Answer 5

I wonder if your father has a spare tank or two. My nephew will be 10 years old this month. Or, do you have to be 12 to make war officially?

Answer 6

It is good to see someone post a poem with some intelligence in it - but I am having trouble locating which City-state your little soldier belongs to.

If he takes a special pride in standing firm against Sparta, then I suppose he ought to be a Theban. But the Thebans used the xiphos mainly as a defensive weapon after the phalanx had broken (a trick they had learned from the Spartans themselves).

It also seems odd that he boasts of 'holding firm' when Epaminondas' secret weapon was to break and run when you knew you were beaten. (The Thebans ran away and lived to fight another day. The Spartans died heroically. Guess who won the war.)

But it was nice to meet a poem that one can think about - I just wish the focus had been a little clearer.

Answer 7

Uncle Dimi got married last week.

True story.