Woman who have had a hysterectomy and have no children?

Question

I have been talking with a co-worker who recently had a hysterectomy and is a little depressed because she never had children and now she can not.

I dont know what kind of things I can say to her to make her feel better. I know she doesnt want to here I know how it feels, I know she doesnt want my to sympathize for her.

But what kind of feminist advice can i give her...i say feminist becuase before this happend she was all about girl power and equality.

The one thing i already brought to her attention was...just because your a woman doesnt mean you HAVE to bear a child, you can adopt; i pointed out that their are plenty of babies out there that need a mom.

But what else?

She tends to come to me and ive noticed only me about this problem.

Thank you to everyone who answers

Answer 1

When a woman is told she cant have children, there is little you can say to make her feel better. Just listen to her and give her a shoulder if needed. Otherwise leave the subject alone. She will deal with it her own way but other then a listening ear you cant fix it.

Answer 2

¿Feminist advice? You don't need "feminist advice" to confort her a little. What about some common sense, like NOT going out there and tell her: "You know, if you think about it, is kind of cool. There's more in the life than just popping kids out of your body".  

Answer 3

I think you already gave her the best advice. Adoption is definately the way to go with her.

Answer 4

You can't remove a woman's loving and nurturing instincts. Just because she doesn't have kids, that doesn't mean that she can't express her love and healing intuition on a good and loving man, people in need, children in her family, and others. She should understand that she should not limit her love just because she can't have kids.

In the spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I am NOT a feminist.

Edit: Feminist advice? That doesn't make sense. If not for feminism, she'd probably have a kid already. Feminism got her into this mess to begin with. But good job rejecting my advice just because I don't subscribe to an ideology. ;)

Answer 5

I don't know about 'feminist' because lables aren't useful. But you are right, just because she can't bear her own children doesn't makes her any less of a woman.

If she wants children she can adopt. You can just be there for her and listen, she will have to come to terms with it in her own mind.

Answer 6

Sometimes it's not necessarily about wanting to have kids but that the choice to biologically conceive them or not has been taken away permanently.  Remind her that there are other options such as adoption, surrogacy or the freedom of life without the responsibility of kids.  There's always the option of volunteering to care for kids who have health problems etc.  The only thing that is really going to help her though is time.  It will take time for her to accept and move on.  She is going through the grieving process, which is perfectly normal.

Answer 7

I have been told by doctors that I will never be able to carry a child to term, due to scarring and damage done by men who abused me when i was a child. So in the manner that I will never bear my own children, I understand what your friend is going through.

i take comfort in the knowledge that even though I can't have my own children, as a woman, I am qualified to be a mother. I can (and do) have a positive influence and interaction with children of my friends, I am an auntie and an honorary auntie, and there is no lack of children in my life. I know it's different when they're not your own, and trust me, this kind of thing can take a while to get over the impact... especially since most women (even if they don't admit it) have at some point in their life dreamed of being a mother.

The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Your friend has powerful influence as a women, even though she'll never be a biological mother. There are a lot of cradles that need rocking, and I'm sure she can find a few of them. Little by little, the children of others will find their way into her heart, as they have mine, and she'll realize she hasn't truly missed out.

reading your latest edit... you think feminist advice will help her to find who she was before.... well, before, she was a woman who could have had children. Now, she's a woman who can't have her own children. She will NEVER be who she was before, and experiences like that, frankly, are meant to be life-changing. I hope she is able to grieve appropriately and then find who she is NOW.

Answer 8

If you had any brains you'd realize there is nothing you can say to make her feel better if she's depressed about her situation.  Certainly nothing "feminist," for God's sake.  Just keep your mouth shut and let her talk.  It's not about you, toots.

You DON'T "know how it feels."  Such arrogance!