Women, do you have any experience with men who have tried to change you?

Question

I often hear, "She thought that she could change him, that's why she stuck with him because she thought that she would be able to 'tame' him. "

I hear this all the time about women who marry these playboy type men and end up divorcing because she felt that she could settle his needs. Well, I'd love to hear about the reverse.

I want to know if the reverse is true for men. Has any man tried to change you, or someone that you know in a positive or negative fashion? And men, have you or any other man you know been successful in changing these women? Share your experiences ;)

Answer 1

yes ,,but it was and still a good experience.

i used to be really bad in the past and my bf just turned me into a whole new person !

he just makes me wanna be a better person

he never gave up on me , he was always patient and passionate !

by the way ,,we are still together <3

xoxo

Answer 2

Yes I get it all the time. I've learned to be very up front with guys in the beginning. I tell them  "I'm not looking to get into a relationship. I live my life on my terms period. I'm just looking for some fun and adventure." and so on but they still try to get me to settle down, want to be my boyfriend, get jealous of other guys or whatever. It drives me nuts.

I'm very independent, I take care of myself and expect guys to do the same. I'm very adventuresome and if you don't like adrenalin stay away. I'm very naughty but careful so if you're clingy, careless or stupid go elsewhere. Period. They still don't get it.

Peace & Joy

Robin

Answer 3

Yes. I was engaged very young with a man who wanted me to be more submissive and passive. I tried to stay with him without changing but it became impossible so I dumped him.

The man I'm with now changed me a little but in a good  way. He made me a bit more responsible and mature. I helped him become more open-minded and confident. When you're with the right person  both should change for the better because it's what they need, not what the partner needs.

As you grow up and learn how to make a relationship work, you learn these things.

Answer 4

My Ex loved everything about me except....I don't drink, I don't do drugs, and I don't hang out with people who do drugs. He was forever trying to get me to hang out with his friends and smoke weed. He once said that no matter what we were going to do ecstasy together, even if he had to slip me it. From that day on I watched my food and drinks around him.

It's funny because I let him know from day 1 who I was. No bullsh*t, no games and made sure he knew what I thought about drugs. He however lied and told me he didn't do drugs, and waited a long time to start showing that side (after the "I love yous"). I guess he was trying to change me to accept his drug use and into a party girl. It's just not me, I've done my partying and I'm over it. I have to admit, I did try to change him, but only into the person he lied and said he was. In the end it wouldn't work. Thanks!

Edit**

I have had experiences with men who have tried and succeeded in changing me in positive ways. That I'm open to.

Answer 5

Its RARELY true for men because men usually find the right woman to begin with!!

In other words, men would rather find exactly what they want in the first place, rather than try to change a woman into what they want. This is logic and common sense.

For some reason, women are notorious for using BAD judgment when selecting MEN. This is why you hear of the "bad Boy" issue so often. Women get bored when a man is "perfect" from the start. They prefer a jerk or loser with issues so they can get a sense of accomplishment from "changing" him into a nice guy. If there is ANY logic to that.. I'd love for someone to explain it...

Answer 6

I've only had one relationship where I man tried to change me negatively...he criticized everything about me...my hairstyles, my clothes, not wanting to get contacts instead of keeping my eyeglasses. Stuff like that. I was fine with the way I was and didn't really like this person that knew me for all of two seconds thinking I had to change to fit his ideal. We didn't last long. The things he wanted me to change weren't things that were for my best interests but more superficial.

Moving on to positive changes....

I've had guys in my life that changed me for the better whether the relationship worked out or not. Like one, that finally got me out of my shell and stop being so uptight. I haven't seen that guy in years now, but I've held on to that sort of seize the day attitude that he had. I could sit here and type out dozens of stories, but there is one guy in particular that outshines the rest.

My best guy friend. We've never been romantically linked or anything of that nature. It's hard to explain. Just knowing him and being his friend makes me feel like a better person. He's taught me one of the most valuable things...to get over myself! When I'm feeling like I just want to give up and throw in the towel...he'll find the positive in even the most dire of situations. He's been there for me on numerous occasions, a shoulder to cry on, very supportive and thoughtful. And I do all those things for him. He's one of those people that is just real and genuine and I don't think I'd be the same person I am now without knowing him. ;)

Answer 7

Nobody can change anybody unless he/she wants to change. I spend years with a man that wanted to change me, because he had those female stereotypes in his head and apparently I did not fit into them. As a result he suppressed me horribly (to say the least) and he left me no other option but to leave him. Needless to say that when we broke up I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest and I could breath again. For both men and women who try to change their partners I can only say this: How can you claim to love someone and not accepting him/her for who they are? And if it’s not love you’re feeling than why on earth don’t you leave those poor people alone, so they can move on to someone who likes them just the way they are?

Answer 8

I have had many experiences with women who wanted to change me and put me on the "right track" but i found them to be unable to recognise who i really was and were only interested in modifying me according to their desires for me.

Answer 9

yes but men do it differently, they are abusive and controling, they hit and scream and yell to the point where you know at 501 all the dishes are done and dinner is ready

they dont nag and play the mind games that women do

Answer 10

I've had a couple of retards TRY to dominate me. I told them nicely to f@#$ off.

Answer 11

Sure - it happens all the time.  But usually, when a man is trying to change a woman, it is seen as controlling or abusive.  Somehow, it doesn't get translated this way for women.  I suppose it has to do with the lack of success that women experience in their pursuit for changing men, and the personal fortitude of the victims they select.

Answer 12

Yeah, but my ex was a Muslim. Muslim men are known for being conservative, so he wanted to change some of my ways of thinking, how I dressed, etc.

He didn't succeed. If he did succeed, I would have converted to Islam, heh.

Answer 13

I had a boyfriend who kept "gently encouraging" me to stop wearing black, start wearing skirts on a daily basis and tone down the loudness. basically he thought he was trying to change me for the better, trying to make me more traditional feminine  but he was taking away who I was. Trying to change people is always a bad idea. if you dont like how someone is, dont date them, dont mess with them.

Answer 14

They were only looking for a place to hide their weakness.