Women, what's your take on the victim being blamed for domestic violence or relationship abuse? Fair or not?

Question

EX: Your husband beats you constantly, & he stalks & threatens you to the point where you're afraid to get out of the relationship. Then, you tell the cops, family members, & therapists, & they're all being unsupportive & say you're stupid & deserved the abuse, & that the abuser has EVERY right to beat on you & embarrass you & treat you like a punching bag.

Why do some people blame the victim, & the suspect of abuse always gets away with the crimes, but you read in abuse & rape prevention pamphlets that abuse of any kind is NEVER your fault.

This REALLY angers me! I remember I used to have a friend who was in an abusive relationship, & he used to treat her like a punching bag & wrestle her down like a dummy doll, & people would say that she deserved it, & that she was stupid, & how he was brilliant for abusing her & had every right to abuse her. I HATE this! Why are people so evil like this? Why doe society ALWAYS blame the victim, & the suspect gets rewarded for their crimes?

Answer 1

The victim should never be blamed for the abuse. The abuser has a choice and if he/she chooses to abuse, then the blame is on the abuser.

Sometimes (not all the time) the victim lives a life style that makes him/her more open to abuse. Example: a woman who goes out in bars alone and goes  home with men who are strangers. She does NOT deserve abuse; however, if she did not go to bars alone and go home with strangers, then she would have a much less chance of being abused. I would blame the woman in this example. But if the woman was a friend of mine I would let her know that she needed to take better care of herself. I would hope that the woman in the example would not take this as me thinking she deserved her abuse but I feel I would have to say that to her.

Answer 2

Do you have any proof of what you are stating?

No offence, but this is the first news I heard of a female victim being blamed for domestic violence.

I do have heard of male victims being blame for domestic violence, like a guy being repeatetly hit with a frying pan by his wife and then he ends to be taken to jail. But, as I said, this is the first news of a female being blamed for domestic violence.

Neverless, if the situation did happened, I agree with you that its unjust. The victim shouldn't be blamed.  Both if the victim is female or male.

Answer 3

Omigosh! I've never really heard about anyone not helping the vicitm and saying they deserved it. Ive been in abusive relationships before and my last one almost got me killed. I was stabbed 16 times. He is in prison now till like 2023, I wish it was forever. Never was I accused of saying it was my fault or anything like that. That's horrible. I know it is hard to get out of an abusive relationship without the right support.

Answer 4

UNFORTUNATELY we still live in a sexist society were men are supposed to be the alpha males, its all an ego boost to them.

yet i will state there are men who do get beat on by there wife's but it is predominately the other way round. People that have not been there can never comprehend how hard it is for the abused to get the courage to even question leaving a violent partner let alone carry those actions out. I WANT TO GIVE MY APPLAUSE TO ALL OF YOU THAT HAVE GOT YOUR SELF'S OUT OF A BAD RELATIONSHIP AND ALSO A APPLAUSE TO THOSE ABUSERS THAT CHOOSE TO GET HELP WITH THERE ANGER.

Answer 5

its not always that way, but then again some cases are like that and the victims start to believe that they deserve it i have no idea why myself, i guess it has to do with nobody supporting them, tho only person to turn to for comfort is the suspect but then they turn them away and beat them so in their mind they believe that its true because they loved them so much they'll believe it

Answer 6

I've never heard of this one - I mean, I've heard of people being in abusive realtionships, but I've never heard of this particular situation, althiugh it must happen or you wouldn't have mentioned it.

I have heard of situations in which some family members do blame the victim, but most  support the victim, even to the point of telling her to get as far away from the abuser as possible, difficult though this often is, as by this point, the victim is often so afraid of her abuser that she will do ANYTHING to try to appease him, which then makes him more angry, thus perpetuating the violence cycle. If the case ever gets to court, the victim may even be seen to blame herself, thus leading the lawyers and jury to acquit the abuser, even though the victim may have suffered from regular abuse.

Society does NOT always blame the victim, it just seems that way. People who blame the victim may have been brought up in households where abuse has occurred, and may have learned to bury their true feelings about the situation. They may also have been taught to "put up and shut up"if anything bad happens to them  within the realtionship, so hearing about others' suffering may bring forth unpleasant memories, and rather than dealing witih these, they prefer to blame the victim. They may also be afraid that the abuser may come and "get" them if they're seen to be supporting the victim.

Another reason for the apparent blaming of the victims of domestic violence is that the police have treated it as something to be dealt with inside the home - not serious enough to warrant criminal investigation until fairly recently. Domestic violence was treated differently from other forms of violence, which we all know is wrong, as violence is violence, no matter where it occurs.

There may be a small core of people who do believe that domestic violence victims deserve what they get, but thankfully it is only a small group, which is decreasing in size every day, as we become more enlightened in this area.

Answer 7

The only blame I would place on the victim is NOT killing the sob.

Answer 8

that is horrible. no one deserves abuse. the abuser is responsible for their abuse.

Answer 9

I love this one.   When a battered woman ends up as a dead body, everybody praises her for how hard she fought. Look at all the skin under her nails, right?  But when she fights hard enough to save her own life, often to the extent of killing her abuser, she becomes the criminal.  

Why are people so evil like this?  Easy.  No one likes to  be reminded that he or she failed to make a difference.  Every one of her neighbors knew she was getting her a** beat, but none of them did so much as open the blinds.  Let's send out a collective 'FOR SHAME' to all you so-called good neighbors. Then again, we don't have to.  Our good neighbors are already thoroughly ashamed of themselves.

Answer 10

geez...what year and in what town did that happen? it sounds like some small town of about 5 hundred people back in the 50s

Answer 11

Society rarely blames the victim. Ignorant people do.