Women, what does it really feel like to be valued so much for how you look?

Question

I'm serious, I really want to know how it feels. It really hit me today that it's like that, more than ever. I keep telling everyone that I'm flying to Texas this summer to see a friend. And everyone always says "Who?" and I tell them. Every single person so far that I've asked -man AND woman- has said after asking 'who', "Is she hot?"

And after like the 5th person, I started to think about it. And it really hit me. What's it like? Please go into as much detail as you care to.

Answer 1

its horribe. i mean its nice to be liked for our looks and to actually be attracted by guys and such, and to be valued. but when guys (not to be racist, but often players/black guyys) you see in the hall when you walk by and they stare to your asss its really not that fun for girls. in your mind at first your like, score. but after you think about it your like , what the fuckkkk was that for? and when guys often go out with girls cuz they are hott or they have b***s or a nice butt, its really insulting. girls want to have good looks, thats why they spend an hour on their hair and makeup everyone morning, but they want boyfriends that are attracted to girls personalities not their butts. sometimes its great to get attention, the way guys give you that certain look across the room. it makes you feel good, like the hours you spent making yourself look good in the morning was actually worth your time. but then on the other hand, its just school or its just work and its just guys.   but there is one thing that i cant stand and its the way guys judge girls. the way they pick the skinny, pretty, popular girls.  when maybe those girls dont have the best peronality, and then there is the shy, quiet girls who no one is very attracted to and could have a great personality. guys are always after looks, before they get to know the girl they always come up to talk cuz the girls attractive instead of giving the other girl across the room by herself a nice hello he walks right past her. i cant stand those guys. i ish more guys were like you, most guys i hang out with have had current/previous girlsfriends that are attractive, popular, etc. im not saying im not one of those girls that are unattractive/attractive i dont know what i am, i hang out with the popular crowd, but i wish i didnt, all the popular kids/my friends talk about is their hair and their clothes and blah blah blah. let me tell you something else, i had a boyfriend for 8 months because he got to know me before he judged me for my looks. we arnt together anymore, but we still keep in touch at school but him and his friends are always checkin out all the girls and talking about who can where the short shorts and who cant, but thats cuz theyre guys. guys are pigs. thats the way they are. just like they like searching p**n and buying playboys, thats how they are, and thats why they say things such as "is she hott" cuz thats exactly what they want, thats exactly what keeps them going, thats the only reason they would keep talking to a girl is cuz shes pretty to look at when talking. but when the girl is unattractive shes not very fun to talk to.

im glad your one of the guys that actually pays attention to these things. thanks for the question, i hope my answer helps.

oh and happy graduation, im very happy for you. i cant wait till i graduate, actually i have a long way.  ahaha actually im going on 8th grade ahaha.

Answer 2

To be fair, I think there are plenty of men who are attracted to a woman with good self-esteem, intelligence and sense of humor. At least that has been my experience. When I was younger and very thin, I didn't get that much attention, because I didn't feel good about myself, I wasn't as confident and I wasn't very relaxed around men. Now that I am older, I have fun with men and this seems to be what gets me the most attention. I think some guys are initially attracted to my looks but I do think I am valued for my personality too. I have been around women who are thinner or prettier and I still had no problem being the center of attention, because men believe what women tell them (by attitude and true belief in their beauty) is s**y.

Answer 3

It's absolutely crappy... I feel like my looks will always overshadow aspects of my personality or opinions.  My intelligence, determination, hard work, or conviction will somehow be measured by my appearance.  I'm 21, and graduating with a BA in political science and women's studies.. At my school, one field is more male-oriented (poli sci) and the other field (women's studies) is more female-oriented.  I'm going law school in a year and aspiring to be an attorney, a field where men tend to be rather aggressive and dominant.  I'm not intiminated, but I enjoy the challenge... However, it gets rough competing with a bunch of guys who view me as inferior because of my s*x.  I was talking to a colleague and was just stressing to him about how tough it is to compete in this world of law where women aren't taken as seriously (I interned at a courthouse in southern CA where most of the judges are male too).. in response, this colleague says, "well you shouldn't worry! you'll get by with your looks cause not only you're a girl, AND you're a hot one... you'll get hired by firms in no time."  Nice huh? He made me feel as though I'm as qualified.. and that I'm qualified because of my looks... as though my looks will "open doors/opportunities."

I hate that my accomplishments aren't measured by my dedication.. but that my looks somehow have affected them.  This goes for many other women for sure.. especially for those who work in the beauty or fashion industry.  

I think it's sad that society does this because some women may internalize this idea and end up just depending on their looks to get them through life.. and I don't think that it's their fault.  This is why women have less self-esteem and confidence, which leads to many other issues.  It's understandable why appearances for all persons are factored in at certain times, but for women, our appearances are more valued than our inner selves.  Personally, I believe inner beauty will always rule.. and that outer beauty can only take a person so far..

Answer 4

it sucks...sometimes we (women) feel used and only seen in as a sexual object. This is also why so many women are insecure.

Answer 5

It's great, but it's so temporal and shallow.  I'd much rather be valued for who I am and how I do things and how I think and appreciated for what I do for the person who values me.

Answer 6

Personally I hate it. I've noticed that when you tell someone about your new male friend, boyfriend, or even a friend relative, they tend to ask about their occupation, personality, things like that...and when it's about a woman, one of the first things they ask is if she's good looking.

For women, looks will likely affect what others think of you and how they judge you, something that rarely happens to men compared to us. It's so shallow, so superficial. Makes some women feel like objects.

Oh and almost forgot about those stupid men who stare you up and down like you're public property for others to look at and judge. It's pathetic.

I could just go on....

Answer 7

Most women, well people in general, like to feel pretty and be told they're beautiful. I know I love when I get compliments but my physical appearance is not who I am. I'm intelligent, caring, insightful, optimistic, and friendly.  I hate when people look over those things because of how I look on the outside. I hate when people call me barbie, treat me like an idiot, or assume that I cannot have a valid opinion or coherent thought on some matter.

After awhile it does become infuriating.

Answer 8

honestly, up until about two weeks ago, i cared so much about how i looked all the time because lord only knew what the guys at school would say if i showed up with a zit on my forehead. (school got out a week ago & for the last week, i just quit caring.) i'm not ugly, but i'm definitly not one of the pretty girls at school. i'm just average and kind of plain. no one tries to get to know my brain because they don't like the outside enough to bother getting to know me.

frankly, it pisses me off because i've got a good head on my shoulders, and yet no guy gives me a second look. i asked a guy out a few months ago who literally gave these reasons for not wanting to go out with me.

i'm too young (he's 6 months older than me)

i look like an underclassman (and he doesn't?)

i just didn't have the look he was going for (that's when i decided i wasn't interested and walked away because while he was babbling about my look he mentioned my nose which i already know is a little large & how i don't wear enough make-up.)

i honestly don't know how guys can believe that they're gonna survive if they treat women like that. they have to know that eventually if they don't shape up we'll find a way around the "is she hot" problem.

come on, give us a break, we can't all be paris hilton with a great body, no brains, and loose morals.

Answer 9

don't know, haven't ever really thought about it

sure it's nice to get compliments, but i'll probably get less in twenty or so years so it's worth thinking other things are more important pretty early on :-)

if i was with a group of single women and a guy was on the way they'd probably ask if he was hot too. i know i would :-)

Answer 10

I don't know, I'm not a girl. I would think it would be the same feeling we gues get when girls think we are hot. Think about it.

under search for answers, type:

What do you think? Do you like it?

Answer 11

A lot of this depends on how much the woman cares about what other people think about her. There are the ones who obsess, and the ones who can show up in a ratty ponytail and sweats to a function and not care. I'll describe my situation, and I'm more the first.

Everyday for school I wake up at around 5:30. I take the fastest shower possible, and before I get out I turn it as cold as it can go so it will lock the shine in my hair.

I then have the exciting job of getting out a roundbrush and blowdrying my hair. Not just in a sloppy way, but I have to get it to fall and angle just right. And then I straighten parts that get out of control, all the while worrying that in the long run I'm just kiling off my hair.

But I have to look good today, right?

Then it's makeup time, and everything's got to be just right, because if it's not, it itches at you during classes and before classes until you run off to the bathroom for fifteen minutes to fix it.

Part of this is because the self conscious brand feel as if everyone is staring at them when they aren't at their full appearance value. And from what you've pointed out, this is kind of true. If you don't maintain your look, you won't be considered hot enough, and that's a killer to the self conscious girl.

And constantly getting sized up by guys? Not to sound snotty or anything, but it happens to me all the time. It feels like you're constantly scrutinized on every part of your appearance.

I'm just speaking from personal experience. Hope I helped.

Answer 12

that is so true...men look on the outward appearance and if you don't got it.....they wont give you a second look. Its really sad that today's society has come to that...I mean whatever happend to a great personality and actually getting to know the person!...but from a girls point of view, i feel like i constantly have to keep up with the latest fashion trends, constantly changing my hairstyle and such and always making myself look goregeous wherever i go.

Answer 13

It is very complicated, it's a lot more than just saying "it's great!" or "it sucks!"... but I would say on average, the results are much more negative than positive.

As an "ugly duckling" of sorts who didn't get "attractive" or "fill out" (this is all the views of other people and are in quotes because I have doubts... but it doesn't change the fact that I have been treated ugly and beautiful before, so I can relate) until mid-college, I feel sympathy for both sides of the coin.

When you're an unattractive girl, other girls are often nicer to you and will either want to be your friend (because you're not a threat) or be cordial with you and insult you behind your back and males will ignore you to your face and insult you behind your back or just... insult you in general.

When you're an attractive girl, other girls WILL HATE YOU. HATE. They will stare, they will wrinkle their nose at you, they will call you a w***e, they will accuse you of using your looks every time you have success in anything, they will have no pity for you if you make a complaint about anything (because somehow, being "pretty" means you have "advantages" and "your life is easier all around"... bologna...) and they'll talk about you to your face and behind your back. Occasionally, you will run into women who don't care because they are also considered pretty and they'll be your friend... but most women, even the ones who you think are far prettier than you... will still hate you.

And men will be overly nice to you, agree with everything you say, act awkward around you, stare at you while letting flies buzz into their mouths, try to act really "tough and masculine" around you as much as possible, lower their voice when they talk to you and do a myriad of other silly things, some offensive and some not offensive... all depending on their personality.

I can also surely tell you that no matter what, I ALWAYS feel cheapened when I can tell someone is treating me better than they would someone else because of my appearance. ALWAYS. It makes me feel like an ant. It makes me feel like a shell of a person, like the outer layer is all that anyone pays attention to and all the thoughts and feelings I have are worthless.

There's my experience/$0.02 on the matter. Of course, only some men and women do these things... there are a lot of kind people out there who don't. But the ones who do judge a lot on appearance (more than the norm), will often show these behaviors... or very similar behaviors.

Answer 14

dont really care coz im rich with self made money- guess before that was looking for approval all the time- now i look through most people who check me out

Answer 15

It makes you feel like that's all your worth. And if you have even an inch of depth, you know that it means nothing, that it IS nothing, but that is all that is important about you, anyway (to society).

It makes you feel like no matter how much you do, no matter how smart you are, people will look at your big b***s, your hair, your face, and think "Nothing more than eye candy."

And if that's all that you're valued for, then what else are you?

Answer 16

I think it's different depending on what country you are in, in the UK no one asks that when you talk about a new person.

Answer 17

It sucks, because alot of woman try to do everything they can about being the "hot" chick. It's annoying, because when you think you got it, or when you actually DO have it you have guys trying to get at you for s*x, and you have girls that hate you. Many good looking woman are considered whores for being beautiful, and though some are, others are not. It's ridiculous, but it's life. We're always taught never to judge a book by it's cover, but that's what we always do. Like I said it sucks.

Answer 18

It's nothing compared to being valued for who you are and what you do.

Answer 19

Women buy into it by feeding the media with their hot bodies and dressing the way they dress.

Its more the women's fault than the men. Men really are not doing anything other than signing checks and saying "Smile more and look that way.."

Answer 20

It feels like the guys who do that are limited to only seeing a very small part of you. I would ask how it feels to a guy to do that to a girl? Like, how does it feel to obviously stare and ogle her? And would they want someone to do it to them or their mother or sister? Or to a girl who was standing next to his mother or sister?

It feels like you are a car or steak and they just are excited to use you. Instead of being treated respectfully you are sized up by a guy to see how much they can profit from you and how much pleasure they will feel in using you. I wouldn't be flattered by that kind of attention. No one chooses how they are born looking. Also that attention reinforces all of the effort that is put into the superficial. Another answerer shared her morning routine. I bet she wouldn't do all of that if she were treated the same way regardless of how much time she put into her appearance. I hope our society can evolve past falling in love with make up, cosmetic surgery, skin treatments, fake tanner, and clothes, and fall in love with the actual being that exists behind all of the superficial. Something I learned recently is that human beings are not objects, they are subjects.

Best Wishes!

Answer 21

it keeps us on our toes and hip to various ways of altering our appearance....one thing i'll never let go..my skin..oi vey. I might have been conditioned by society to be extra conscientious about it..but i love my skin and would hate to let it go like some other girls do

the smart ones dont get too caught up in the game because they realize we're all eventually gonna get old..and though some guys like older women..most dont

thanks for asking

Answer 22

it feels excellent for people to value you for your looks. it makes you feel gorgueos and beautiful. seriously if feels good

Answer 23

It sucks to be honest. Especially since theres always going to be someone prettier, or hotter than you. Sometimes I walk into a room and I glance around and quickly decide whos the prettist girls. I watch guys carefully to see who their staring at. Its so annyoing when you really really like someone, but you cant get them to look your way because their busy staring at the other girl.

Answer 24

idk bcuz i am fat.... so sad... it probablyu feels good...

Answer 25

it is disgusting.  I hate it.  Not that I am an absolute glammour, but it is horrible to walk down the street getting honked at by old men in their cars.  Seriously - do they think we are going to jump in?

I couldn't control myself on one occasion at work - I had been promoted from reception to PA and we were trying to find a replacement for reception. My boss asked me if I had any friends that needed a job.  Any "skinny, blonde girl and doesn't need a brain, as long as she looks good".  Now I understand that it's not great to have a 3 eyed, mole encrusted faced, fat old person is not the first thing that you want to see when you walk into a corporate office, but for them to specify this made me sick (especially when I am not skinny or blonde).

I am a size 14 (australian). 14-16 is average for Australia.  I wouldn't call myself fat, but I'm not thin. I have a little extra to keep me warm in winter.  Yet when I walk into a shop I still find it hard to find clothes that look nice.  It pisses me off beyond belief.  Bring back the times when the curvy womanly figure was celebrated. The times when artists painted the beautiful curvy women.

Another thing that really gets me is news.  They do more harm than good sometimes.  One news headline is "Obesity epidemic" 3 stories later and its "3 yr olds admitted to hospital with anorexia - the growing trend amongst infants"

So which one is it?  Majority of the population too fat or too thin?

GRRRR!!!

I could go on forever.

Answer 26

For me I LOVE it when people think I look good. It gives me a boost. I ignore it if people don't think I look good either--because I think everyone has different tastes.

I'm assuming people are asking "is she hot" because they can only assume that's why you're spending money/time to go.

So, for me, it doesn't bother me at all if someone was to think I was hot. I just smile and go on my way...