Women crying in the workplace?

Question

Why is there such an emphasis for women not to cry in the workplace? How come I never hear about men & their emotions at the workplace? I read the book: Working From 9 to 5: Men & Women in the Workplace & I was curious about what you all thought about this?

Answer 1

Back in the day when women were beginning to enter the workforce in high numbers (late 70s-early 80s), women were taught in seminars geared towards professionals and books such as you mention that anything perceived as a feminine "weakness" was a career killer, so heavy emphasis was put on not ever crying in the workplace (in those days, discussing menstruation, pregnancy or menopause was taboo as well) so as to prove to the PTB that you can "cut it" and be as strong and competent as the men...and worthy of promotions and what not.

Personally, I think that sort of approach is old school...and being "stoic" and denying their femininity still didn't stop women from hitting the glass ceiling anyway...or getting downsized, either!

Nowadays, when you consider all the different things that have happened in society over the last 15 years or so....downsizings, 9/11, the war, the economy etc  The stress levels are waaaay up and both men and women sometimes find it difficult to deal with the pressure. So for them, to cry is a necessary release from that stress...it's not weakness...and to say so it an extreme value judgment.  Moreover, those who make fun of someone else crying at work or attempt to "punish" the person by hindering their career mobility because of it are nothing short of workplace bullies!

Even medical professionals are now telling us that shedding tears has health benefits. Crying can make you feel better afterwards, and then be better able to focus on the issue at hand.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/...

Now don't get me wrong. Yes, we should be professionals and be able to control our emotions...but what we "should" do and what actually happens are often two different things, and people should be prepared for such things.  The reality in the workplace is that sometimes women AND men do cry at work...even if they don't do it in public view of their bosses (and yes, sometimes their bosses cry, too!) ... and they cry for a variety of reasons.

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.ht...

For the past 7 years, I've worked as a receptionist/security guard for a multinational corporation, and I can't tell you how many times I've seen people crying on the job!  Sometimes they've even cried in my lobby in plain sight of others!  I've gone into ladies rooms at work and have heard sniffling from a stall...or I've gone around corners or past what appeared to be empty conference rooms or cubicles and have heard people of both sexes softly weeping when they think no one is looking...and I've seen people of all ranks from janitorial staff to high level executives when they are in tears.

Usually, I act like I didn't see them...or if they are people whom I consider friends, I might quietly offer a kleenex, a cup of tea or glass of water, give them a hug, then leave them alone...but I NEVER tell other people what I saw. It's unprofessional...and just simply isn't right.

Personally, I'd rather see a person cry in the office than punch a wall or worse, leave and then come back with a gun and mow people down...which happens all too often. According to a major multinational security firm, workplace violence is the #1 concern of most companies today. According to the US Dept of Labor, workplace violence is the 4th leading cause of occupational fatalities in America.

http://www.osha.gov/SLTC/workplaceviolen...

Perhaps if that person who committed that act of workplace violence had felt like they could cry and express their feelings freely without reprecussions from either bosses or coworkers, then maybe they wouldn't had resorted to extremes like violence to release their anger and frustrations...and take out innocent people in the process.

Answer 2

I don't know about that, but I do know that I have cried at work as well and I tried REALLY hard not to.  I even tried to hide it so no one could see me.  I really tried, so :/~ you guy answerer number one.  Sometimes we just cant help it cuz we have feelings and apparently guys dont??

Answer 3

Probably no one should cry in the workplace in front of others.  But I also think that the stereotypically "male" way of managing frustrations -- yelling and throwing temper tantrums -- is also inappropriate.

Answer 4

Crying is weakness.  And in competitive business arenas, anything percieved as weakness is a negative for that person.  If someone cries, it means the stress gets to them and they can't fight through serious problems and frustrations.  I would have second thoughts on promoting employees if they let emotions affect their performance.

Work is like poker.  You leave your emotion at the door.

Answer 5

because a man usually bottles up his emotions ... most men don't express their feeling at home very much ... so work is out of the question

Answer 6

I have always been told it is a power thing.  Men especially perceive woman crying as a weakness rather than just a frustration release.

I always close my office door if I need... a minute.

Answer 7

IN all my years of working I have never once seen a man actually crying except for my supervisor when his cat died, and he wasn't crying, he was just really quiet. Crying in the workplace is a real no-no; it shows lack of control and is not professional, you can always go to the bathroom and do that. And women who cry do it for attention, I've seen a lot of that too. Looks really bad, you will get sympathy, yes, but you won't get a raise or a promotion if you demonstrate such a loss of control in front of everyone.

Answer 8

It's not very professional to cry in the workplace is it!

I wouldn't want to work with someone who has no control over her emotions, or an attention seeker.

I am not being horrid, it's just that we all, including men, have emotional outbursts from time to time....but not at work.

Answer 9

I personally find crying to be an unprofessional act in a workplace, for men or women.  It's understandable if you get that call that a loved one has died, or if you are going through a divorce, etc that tears may flow.  Taking some time off would be best, but if you can't I would say head for the bathroom or outside when the emotions overwhelm you.  That's legitimate crying.  In offices these days there's also a lot of crying because "people don't like me/ talk to me," "my boss is mean to me," "nobody likes me," "my boss is on a power trip," "so and so is trying to get my job," "I have too much work to do, why doesn't someone else do it," "I get stuck with everything, while no one else does anything," "why am I always the one who gets yelled at, look at so and so and so and so," etc.  Their is absolutely no place for this.  Ever.  Male, female or hermaphrodite--no place for this.

Answer 10

It is so rare for a man to cry at the work place, that it is pretty much a non issue.

Answer 11

There's an emphasis for everyone not to cry in the workplace. It shows unprofessionalism and a lack of restraint. I suspect they targeted women because they're more likely to cry, while men are more likely to get angry.

Answer 12

Crying at the workplace is highly unprofessional.

You're not payed to cry like a child.  You're pay to do a job.  So, unless you just got the call saying a loved one just died then you're way out of line.

If I walked into a professional office and wanted whatever service that they were offering and my potentially new lawyer, accountant, ect...  is crying then I'm out.

This is an obvious one.  Crying at work is totally unprofessional.

Letting your emotions interfere with your job in any way is unprofessional.  Be it sadness, anger, or whatever.  It's just childish to be unable to control yourself.

Answer 13

You're not supposed to bring your personal life into the workplace. And besides, women claim to be as emotionally strong as men, what message does it send if women are crying while at work?

Answer 14

I haven't read the book but I would say that the workplace is not the place to bring emotional problems. They should be left at the door, as far as possible.

Answer 15

I have a feeling it maybe due to the fact that , men dont always appreciate women crying at work. And women dont want to risk looking emotionally weak at work. IT also not appropriate to bring your emotinal issues to work.

Answer 16

No one wants to see a woman cry at work ... it's a bit distracting ... I've never seen a man cry at work ..

Answer 17

Because crying means that you wouldn't be able to focus on your job.  

But, if I saw a co-worker crying..I would ask them what's wrong or tell them to go home if I was a manager.

Answer 18

I only cried at work one time last week. but I cried in the bathroom hidden away from any co-workers or customers i had some memories of my dad and it hit at the worse time. but never once did i cry where anyone could see me.

I have seen a few women cry at work. once when a customer got into her face and really said some awful things to her she was only 17 years old and she just lost it.

But it is really not a good idea to cry at work. it makes people uncomfortable God Bless

Answer 19

It is simply unprofessional to cry in the workplace.

Answer 20

Who knows. Anybody should be able to cry or whine about something going on in there life at the work place. Who cares.

Answer 21

I admit it - I have cried at work. I usually run to the bathroom and let it all out, then get myself together as if nothing happened.

Sometimes life can't help but be brought into the workplace. A death in the family, a sick child, even personal issues like going through a divorce deserves a bit of empathy.

Answer 22

I'm a woman and I believe that the workplace isn't the best place to let your emotions get the better of you.  It happens to men and to women but people tend to act like men don't do it...Well, they do, even if it's not as often as women.  Either way, people are only human and it's going to happen and sometimes life or job-related issues can push you too much.  Just do your crying in the restroom or at home and try to control yourself.

Answer 23

Passion is important in the workplace - a passion for the job and the task at hand make for superstar performance.  Emotion, however, is not.  You don't hear about men and their emotions because they don't display them through crying - and because the workplace was invented by men - they made the rules.  And really - I gotta agree with those rules.  Of course, there are going to be exceptions - like getting bad personal/family news while at work, but we aren't talking about that.  We are talking about teary and emotional reactions to the job - and its just not acceptable.  Its unprofessional, and should never be tolerated or rewarded.