Women don't like being called "HONEY"? Maybe I should call you "DUDE"?

Question

I've noticed that some women (mostly feminists) get offended if you call them "sweety", "honey", "darling" etc. So When this happens... I just call them DUDE instead. This offends them also.

So do most feminist NOT want o be identified with a "gender"? Why the offense?

Answer 1

It has nothing to do with feminism, actually. The words "honey" and "sweetie" are words you call your significant other or your daughter. If you are calling grown women these names in the work place or to women you barely know, then you are being disrespectful.



If I went around work and public calling grown men "sweetie" and "honey" or even "dude," I'm sure they wouldn't like it either.

Answer 2

It's not necessarily about gender, but honey, baby, sugar..those just sound babyish or childlike... which I guess to me is kind of degrading. I actually don't mind Hey Beautiful, Hey s**y, Hey Gorgeous, I don't know why but these seem more womanly or powerful to me.

Answer 3

Dont call me honey unless we are friends, if I don't know you its weird. Yeh call me dude, I don't care, or lady, but honey or sweety , to me atleast, implies that we are friends..

Answer 4

It shows that you are identifying us as our gender and not who we are.  Why not call us by our names or leave us alone?

Answer 5

Dude, I ain't no feminist but if any guy called me sweety, honey, or darling he would get an earful. Such nicknames are allowed ONLY for my future husband, and him only. Also I call my friends (girls and guys) dudes all the time. I call a lot of people dudes actually.

But if you really want the feminist to be happy, call them dudettes (female dudes).

Answer 6

I would love being called honey - I don't consider myself a feminist, but would not consider myself a "rug" either.

Feminists avoid gender lines because they believe erasing them will make both sexes in society equal. However (sadly) they also erase the good things that come with gender inequality, like men taking care of women, which most women still want. It is ironic how the minority of women - feminists - try to dictate the rules to the whole society...

Answer 7

To rednightsky- I personally have no problem being called 'guy' or something (dude is a variation of the German for fool for God's sake!), why should one be ashamed of being associated with their gender? Isn't the aim of feminism (at least it was once) to show that there's no reason to be ashamed? If you want to show people 'who you really are' then convey it in the content of your conversations, not in expecting you to be called something particular or not something particular.

As for the actual question,

'sweety', 'honey', 'darling' probably are best avoided (they aren't really appropriate in most circumstances); I'd call a woman 'miss' or 'madam' formally or informally with a name presented. But this can easily get a 'you-chauvinistic-pig' look from feminists as well; and if in the end after exhausting all forms of address you call them 'your holy highness', they'd again take it as mockery.

So usually if I'm unsure if a woman is a modern day feminist or not, I'd usually address them by a formal title first and then just not mention any form of address thereafter.(with a simple 'you' instead) It is awfully contrieved, and a 'hey, you there' sometimes offends in a manner that doesn't have to do with sexism.

So until you know a person, or till feminists pass a bill that lists ok words to address them by- just say 'madam' or something.

Answer 8

Their attitude is so petty.

Answer 9

I work with a guy - tall, muscular, ex military police, air force, into some kinda crazy karate  - he can pretty much kill anyone.  He's called me honey, sweetie, even baby.  Occasionally he'll call me dude too.  It all depends on what we're talking about.  I rarely take offense to stuff like that, and only if it comes from someone who is fake and trying to kiss my @ss.

Answer 10

I experience the same thing.  I've given up on calling them anything.

Answer 11

Well in a professional setting, i am not your honey, sweety or dude. Address me as Dr/Senator/Congresswoman.............

Now if i was your girlfriend or girlpal or buddy or you knew me on an informal way then you can call me buddy or dude or even sweety if i am ok with it.

Those words:sweety, honey, darling etc are derogatory labels. You would'nt call your female boss sweetie now, would you? Well not unless you just got hired somewhere else. That is why you DON'T call women those names

Answer 12

I don't think they were offended by what you said, it was more to do with the fact you didn't slap their a*s when you said it.

Answer 13

You sound like a patronizing jerk. How many men do you call dude? If you went for a job interview would you call your possible future employer dude? If you want respect, give it, and stop acting like a smart as$ just because somebody happens to be female.

Answer 14

I prefer any of the ones you have listed rather than "lady". It seems that the tone a person uses when they say 'lady" always sounds like Jerry Lewis...then again I am not a feminist.

EDIT: this is totally acceptable in certain parts of the US. Here in the South, everyone is a honey, sweetie or darlin' and it is o.k. to be called that by everyone. I am sure there are some people who don't like it but maybe it is a regional thing.

Answer 15

I prefer to be called by my name. Or nothing at all. It is obvious that you have a lot of growing up to do.

Answer 16

Feminists don't know what they want.

Answer 17

Mike, even you should be able to figure this one out.

I wouldn't have considered either of my grandmothers feminists, but they would have bitten your head off for calling them pet names. It's overly familiar and insulting. Use their names, if you know them, or "Miss" or "Ma'am" if you don't.

Answer 18

actually being called any of those ( even " dude" ) wouldnt bother me

heck..i get called babe by my landlord and he is married with kids.

he is not being sexist...

i think he just does it coz he is old enough to be father.

I tend to call my sisters " dude" or " man" dunno why...im weird.

but i call children young enough to be my own kids " baby"

I used to work around women who called me " baby" coz i was one of the youngest there.

picked up the habit i guess...

Answer 19

Maybe it's just you that is causing them to be offended. What's the rest of your conversation/tone like?

Because: my friend calls girls - me included - "dude" all the time, and we are not offended. I refer to nearly everyone of any gender as "guys" and they do not mind, even the most feminist of my friends. When working at a bar, I was called all those "honey" type names like sweetheart etc... mostly it's fine but it gets boring and depending on the context, it can be patronising. I do not feel happy about "young lady" from anyone under fifty, for example.

I've really never seen anyone kick up a fuss about this. Some girls frown when called the more patronising of the girly terms, but that's about it. I would recommend in this case using their actual names. Especially if you don't know them well. It's more polite.

Answer 20

Can't you just call us by our names like everyone else?

Answer 21

"sweetie", "honey", and "darling" are condescending.  "Dude" is just...inappropriate (for most women anyway...I'd rather be called "dude" than "honey", "sweetie", or "darling"...my female friends use "dude" a lot with each other, actually).  Just call them by their names.  

And why do you insist on identifying someone with a gender?  Identify them as INDIVIDUALS.  We are PEOPLE, first and foremost, before we are "male" or "female".

Answer 22

I don't mind the pet names, I don't like "dude" either, I'm not a dude.

Answer 23

Would you like it if your male friends called you sweety and honey? THAT'S why it's creepy. Unless you are going out with a man, if he is just an aqquantence or friend it's wierd that he would call you that kind of name.

Answer 24

I'm a feminist, and I wouldn't be offended if my BOYFRIEND called me "honey," "sweety," or "darling," but if a complete stranger or an acquaintance called me that, then it would bother me. It's a term of endearment. Don't throw that sh** around.

Answer 25

They have an inferiority complex, that is why they are always defensive.

Answer 26

Maybe they think it is sexual harassment? Anyways most women in the new age act like this. They get mad at everything a man does. And yes it is particularly feminist's who get offended. I don't mind things like that. I am a traditionalist!

Answer 27

ok my exboyifrend used to call me honey and used to call my sexzyman  but that is so wieride

Answer 28

Can't see anything at all wrong with people calling each other "honey", "hun", "sweetheart", or even "sweetie" (although that last one does sound slightly cheesy). They're intended to be terms of endearment, after all. My wife and I often used to call each other "sweetheart" or "honeybunch".

This is not a problem for normal people. Petulant feminists like to make problems out of nothing by being "offended" by whatever. There is nothing more offensive than the person who is DETERMINED to be "offended" by anything and everthing, come what may.