Women in relationships: be honest?

Question

One point of contention in my relationship, is that I 'look' at other women. Which is of course ridiculous, I don't willingly seek them out, I just notice an attractive woman when I see her. Anywho, my lady says she never notices other guys because she is in love with me and yada-yada...blah ...blah..

So you....yes you there.....do you look at other guys? Do you notice them and are you in fact, guilty of objectifying them?

Thanks ladies, just be honest.

Answer 1

yes I do... I am happily married and in love, but eye candy is eye candy. Now, do I fixate all my thoughts on other men, of course not, in fact it's very rare that I notice other men, but to deny that something looks nice is silly. Now, I know that my husband has had a crush on Mariah Carey for decades... does it bug me, nope, but to be honest my guy looks at other women about as much as I look at other men. My advise... if yah girl isn't ok with you looking, have some sense and don't do it in front of her... but she should also realize that its ok to look, but not ok to fixate on the women.

Answer 2

I look at women more often than other men, because I find women more attractive. My boyfriend doesn't mind; he knows it doesn't mean anything and I wouldn't cheat on him. I think it's natural to be drawn to attractive people... it's when it goes further than just looking that it becomes a problem.

Answer 3

40+ and married.   Men are friends and if a man is mixed up  enough to be four couples down from my husband dancing under instruction with me, I'm not shy at all if man steps out of line,  swift response "I'm going to need your frame" he said, "what?"

I know I said nothing wrong and yes, he was out of line asking what scent I was wearing because he knew I was married and he decided to go off instruction also.  See, my friends don't do that to me.  We all clown around, talk, dance but it's not flirting.  We are in the age range of just chilling out and having fun whether couples or with some of our single friends who also take instruction : )

Answer 4

I might notice a guy that I find good-looking, but I won't obsess over him..because I'm in love with the person I'm dating or married to. When I really like someone, I put all of my attention on them!

Answer 5

Yeah, I look at other guys.

Women are more smart about it, that's all.  We generally don't turn our head to follow them, or make a comment.  We keep that to ourselves!

Answer 6

Of course!! If you have a pulse...and are not blind...you look. Everyone looks. I do. Dirty thoughts might even creep into my mind.

As long as it's looksies but no feelsies...it's not the end of the world.

Answer 7

I never date a man a second time if he has a wandering eye, not because I feel slighted or neglected, because I look too and believe it's natural to look, but because the "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" type people tend to turn out to be really really boring, just spinning their wheels types in these cerebral go-nowhere visions.  There's a sickly pale anemic abstraction in that looking elsewhere into the intangible all the while the tangible is dangling from their arms. It's not about what a man has that counts..  It's what he does with it that is the measure of a man.  Or, it's not about what cards we're dealt.  It's about how well we play them.

Answer 8

h**l yea I look at other men. And I know my man looks at other women. The only thing that keeps us from getting into fights about it is that we respect one another when it happens. I don't break my neck to look at a man that I think is attractive, and he doesn't nearly wreck his car when he sees a fine chick. We both glance and keep going. Because I would not want my man to feel like I'm out looking for something better than he; and he doesn’t want me to feel that way either.

I never get upset with him about it, because the way I see it is, if he could leave me for another woman, then he'll turn around and do the same dam thing to her; and I didn't need him from the get go (I found him, I’ll find me someone else) But because he shows me the respect of keeping comments to himself, or not making it obvious that he's looking, we don't have any issues with this. And I render the same respect onto him.

Answer 9

You're that good huh???  Anyway, looking around at others is very healthy, perhaps your lady should try it and see what she is missing out on or not.

Answer 10

Of course I do.  But when in a relationship, the look is very different - honestly.  When single, there is always a full-on sizing up...looking for the potentiality of that individual as a mate.  But when in a relationship, it is more like looking at scenery - you can see it and appreciate it...and thats it.  

For what its worth, your girlfriend probably isn't lying about it...she doesn't realize she's even looking at them.  Again - scenery...we pass it everyday, and look at it - but sometimes we don't even notice that we are.

Answer 11

I notice attractive people of both sexes,it's quiet normal thats what the eyes are for lol tell your lady to chill out..

Answer 12

yeah she does it. she is just one of those types that doesnt want you to do it. she probably has insecurity or trust issues maybe from her past or childhood.

Answer 13

Honestly no, I don't check out other men. I usually don't become attracted to a man until I gain respect for him.

If I did check out guys, I wouldn't do it in front of my boyfriend though. That's a bit of a slap in the face, in my opinion.

And the "she is in love with me and yada-yada...blah ...blah" makes me wonder about you a bit.

EDIT:

I never implied that I knew you. Who cares? More people agree with you anyway. That's just my personal opinion.

Answer 14

Yes of course I do. I'm not going to stop looking at attractive men because I'm in a relationship, and I wouldn't expect my partner to stop looking at women either :-)

Answer 15

I suppose yes, I do pay attention to the people around me, but gender has no effect on that.  I wouldn't consider myself guilty of objectifying them, but I suppose that on some basis, I consider myself good at "reading" people, if that makes sense.  I don't mean it in some craz psychic way, but sometimes it's easy to tell who seems conceited/etc and who doesn't.

Answer 16

i've been w/ my husband for about 5 years now (married two) and i do look at other men.  not obnoxiously, but it has happened.  sounds like your girl may be insecure about your relationship or herself.

Answer 17

Yes, of course. I almost drove off the road today because a shirtless college boy with a long, lean body was running along the roadside while I was on my way to work and I checked him out in the front and rear view mirrors.

However, I wouldn't have done that if my significant other was in the car. The glance would have been quicker and less obvious.

Answer 18

I am not a lady.  But I can assure you it is an utter lie.  I am quite sure about even those ladies deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep in love with somebody.

Answer 19

Of course, I look.  Everyone does.  Even if they are madly in love, yada, yada, yada...  One thing I have noticed though, is that my husband is more obvious about it.  He doesn't leer, or anything, but I definitely notice when he is looking.  I'm more subtle about it.

Answer 20

Do I look at them? Yes. Do I objectify them? No.

Objectification requires a whole other set of variables.

Answer 21

Just because we are in a relationship doesn't mean we are blind and our eyes have fallen out. Of course we can still see that someone is attractive. But the difference is you don't have that urge to want to go out with them.

Answer 22

of course she looks at other guys. you know what, as i get older, ive come to realise some things and one of those is that women are ot that different from men when it comes to relationships and the opposite s*x. guys see a hot girl and look, girls see a hot guy and look.

p.s. glad to see someone post something here instead of the chat.

Answer 23

ya I notice them....and then drop it.

Answer 24

She could be telling the truth, but there's also a good chance she's lying. I've been in relationships where I didn't even notice other guys, no matter how attractive they were. But usually, I still look at nice-looking men all the time.

Answer 25

Well, yeah.

I notice guys, girls too.

You have yourself a jealous little harpy, methinks. I hate girls like that. My condolences, dude.

Answer 26

I look at other guys, and I let my boyfriend know if I think a guy is good looking, too. He doesn't mind, because I'm with him and not that other guy, right? He let's me know if he thinks a girl is good looking, too, and I have no problem with it. Just as long as he caps it off with "but you're better looking." :)

Answer 27

Yes I look but don't touch.

Answer 28

I look at, and notice all kinds of people of both genders- attractive people, goofy looking people, people who dress as if they don't own a mirror...

I then point them out to my husband.

Answer 29

Yes, I look. Often much longer than necessary.  ;)

Answer 30

Tell her to stop being so insecure. Put down the fashion magazines that tell her everything is wrong, and chill out.

Answer 31

It's just human nature to look..I look at pretty women and good looking guys..but I just look..nothing more!!