Women making sacrifices?

Question

I'm not a feminist or anything, but I notice a lot that in relationships it's always the female that has to make the sacrifices and if she doesn't then it looks like she doesn't care about her family. Where as the man can do whatever he wants it seems like. For example my mom left my dad because he was abusive after trying for many years to stay like a 'good wife' should. She still gets c**p from people saying that it was selfish of her to leave him... I just don't get it

Answer 1

Dear me, there is nothing wrong with being a feminist. Why is it that women often make sacrifices such as sacrificing their careers, their well-being and such for their families? Traditional gender roles. Personality traits and aspirations that are considered male or female have created certain inequalities for both genders. The criticisms for your mother are simply a result of gender roles and expectations. Feminism is simply about recognizing these inequalities and finding solutions. Any man or woman who is not a feminist is either dumb to the 'real world' or hates humanity.  

Answer 2

tell your mom to tell the people to be the wife for a day than see if they can handle the truth!

people forget that it takes two in a marriage...yes double standard!

Answer 3

Society has huge expectations of females in terms of certain things like, they should be nurturing, selfless, giving, warm, loving. etc.,

Men have their own issues like, they are supposed to be aggressive, smart, earn a lot. etc.

At the end of the day it's up to us to either accept these and internalize them, or throw them out.

I get down a lot as I am caring for my elderly parents and my son takes advantage. I feel like going on a holiday and vanishing!!

But of course that would make me a "bad mother".

after all we have to be "good mothers" good daughters... good wives.

Perhaps study your own values and work from that.

:)

Answer 4

Unfortunately there are still people in this world that don't believe that a relationship is really one where the two people are equals.  There are  sacrifices to be made in any relationship if it is to last but they should be shared equally.  As for your mom I hope she eliminates those people from her life.  No person should stay in a relationship where they are abused.

Answer 5

Since the beginning of time, it's been a Man's World!  Eve screwed that up for us women because God had intended for us to be equal...  This is one of those times that no matter what, your Mom will never be looked on as the better person or parent for choosing NOT to live with an abusive husband.  And those "ladies" who criticize her, secretly wish they had the guts to do what your mother did!  It's easier to cast the stones than to be the one who they are thrown at!

Answer 6

Yeah, well your mother endured something horrible as it was!  Maybe she was told by the older generation that she was selfish, or by people who just didn't know what she went through.  It seems like sometimes it is the woman who does all the sacrificing, but I think sometimes men don't talk as much about what they have to go through as much as women do.  

Answer 7

In your mom's case, these people who have said this to her, can go take a flying *****!!  It's none of their business. And they didn't have to live in her place!

Your right, the women do make the sacrifices.  But it is changing. Men will finally see how life really is!!

Answer 8

It isn't this way in all relationships but certainly in some - even many, I agree.  There are actually healthy, well balanced, equal partnerships where man & wife give & take, are open & honest, communicate,share, are unselfish and faithful and care enough about the other partner to put their needs before their own - this does happen in real life!  There are even a couple of men in the world who care more about US then they do themselves - I know because I happen to be married to one of those rare few!    In a healthy relationship both people give more than 100% all the time and are unselfish, caring and worth the weight in gold!  It took me 30 years to find one like that.  He isn't perfect- none of us are, but if you really wait and hold out long enough and don't settle for less - you WILL find one like this too! I assume there are a few left somewhere! : )

Answer 9

Thats too broad to really address.

You don't define "abusive"  but leaving a marriage due to abuse is not the same as a woman making sacrifices for her family (as in, not working full time in order to raise her children).

Men make sacrifices, such as working 70 hours a week so his wife can be home with the kids

Answer 10

It does not matter whether or not you are a man or a woman. In a happy and successful marriage both parts of the couple make sacrifices. You loose a little part of who you are in hopes that what you are together is something more that what you are apart. Now as far as the specifics that you detailed go, of course no one should stay in an abusive relationship... Staying and enduring abuse is not what I would call a sacrifice... a sacrifice is working two jobs so your kids have decent school clothes. A sacrifice is not eating a lot of meat because your spouse is a vegetarian... Abuse is a crime and it does not have any place in a health and normal marriage. Older generations saw divorce as a failure and as something to be ashamed of... that perception is changing and women have the ability, and opportunity to build a career and take care of themselves... There is no reason to stay with a loser.

Answer 11

It's true I totaly agree with you. women put up with a lot of c**p and its unfair to us. Honestly if I could go back, i would not get married. i would only date and have a great time. have a career a house a car and just be me. but i had to go and ruined it by adding a husband to the mix. and no hes acting like a jack ***, and his mother is getting on my nerves too........................................ sorry to rant on but i'm having a really bad day.

Answer 12

Those people should go live with your abusive father and see if they stay with him...

Answer 13

I know! I honeslty think some people believe women actually ENJOY cooking and cleaning and taking care of whiny kids all day. And I doubt people would begrudge her for leaving an abusive situation. Perhaps they don't know the whole story.