Women please answer, question about men? (Men are welcome to answer as well)?

Question

Maybe this happens with men and women.

But since I am a woman, this is my story:

Whenever I talk to my husband, if he doesn't like what he is hearing he responds very aggressively so I get upset and give the silent treatment.

When he tries to talk to me and I don't respond, he makes it was my fault and ignores me the whole day.

It turns out that I am the rude one in the relationship and I am suppose to apologize to him. This is not fair...

A day later I give in bcs I hate fighting then couple of days later it happens again.

I am sick of it.

Has this ever happened to you?

Answer 1

Yes it sure has!

And I am more than positive that the male specie's all read out the same book!

Ever thought of doing the reverse psychology bit?

Remember he knows how your gona react when he goes off on 1, you go quite, it's kinda of a licence for him to do it unless you change it.

Have you ever expressed opinion back, or be (however hard) be sarcastically nice? Or when it takes place agian make it known who the bigga person is? and dont go and sulk off in corner? That will proberbly shock him in it's self.  

Good Luck

  

Answer 2

Men are jerks. Mine can be described as a two year old with a temper tantrum. That is the only way to describe it. I just let him be, and be the bigger person. He usually changes his tune after he takes some Xanax or watches a Mob Movie, or whatever he does. He's just a big brat, and you won't find many men who aren't, sadly.  

Answer 3

This happens all the time with me!

I have no idea how to make it better.. I'm sorry that I can't offer any help.

Just know you aren't alone in that feeling..

Answer 4

Yes it has and its not fair when u always apologize 4 something u didn't do.next time,don't crawl back to him.just keep quiet and let him come to u.  

Answer 5

i think you both need to calm down and settle this face-to-face.

therapy might help.

chill okay?

good luck.

:)

Answer 6

I am a man and am ashamed to admit that I was like that with my wife until my stupidity and arrogance came to a head and we both realised that we needed to learn to communicate better and more effectively and to appreciate each other. It is not easy. My wife is the first to admit that she contributed to the situation, but I have to say that she was not as bad as me. The sad part is that I did not realise how I was behaving at the time and always thought I was right! Shouldn't a marriage be a partnership of equals who are considerate of each other's needs and concerns? I can say that our relationship is a lot better since we started talking to each other and treating each other properly. We are even romantic. Our eldest daughter came up with a good solution for family discussions - you sit down with a spoon or some other item in a group; you can only talk as long as you have hold of the spoon/item. Once you have finished what you want to say, you pass the spoon on. You also have to agree to leave any hurt caused/felt in the discussions behind, but try to reach compromise and understanding.

I hope that helps. Good luck.

Answer 7

He's a jerk, plain and simple. If you choose to live with him, don' t be a doormat. Stick up for yourself or it will get worse!

Answer 8

Neither of you are correct. He shouldn't get upset in the first place, but giving him the silent treatment as punishment is immature and not at all helpful. You're essentially sinking to his level by doing that. Instead of making him even more upset, next time this happens, ask him why he's upset so you two can TALK about it rather than get all angsty at eachother.

Communication has to be the key here. If you don't talk about what's bothering you, then you'll never solve anything. Don't expect your relationship to be perfectly conflict-free, also. Differences in opinion and arguments happen in every relationship, and it's not the end of the world. Approach this like adults and talk about it.

Answer 9

not exactly.  even if he doesn't like what i have to say, the response isn't aggressive, it's negative.  it taught me how to word my comments and questions differently.  if i want a specific response, or want him to see things from a specific angle, i have to direct my comment/question in that manner.  

if i were you, i wouldn't waste my time with the whole silent treatment bit.  if you're that sick of it, and you want it to stop, maybe you should consider how you are saying what you're saying, when you're saying it, and to what degree.

i'm sure i'll get a ton of thumbs down for this answer, but what works for me doesn't work for all and vice versa.

personally, i've found resolve in our relationship conflicts, by changing how i'm saying whatever it is i'm saying.  for us, it makes for a lot less confusion and irritation.

good luck!

Answer 10

It sounds like he does not respect you or what you have to say, that is not treating you with the kind of respect that you need in the marriage, I am sorry he is being a real jerk.

No one should be mentally and verballly abused, if you have taken enough, then leave him and stay at a friends house for a couple of days and make him realize what he is missing, sometimes it takes that for anyone to realize that they had it really good until it is gone.

Just a suggestion.....

I did that to mine when we were first married and we had our problems and it made our marriage stronger.

We have been through He** and back in the 16 years we have been married and sometimes you have to go through that to make the marriage stronger.

Answer 11

This has happened to me before, with ex- BF's that have no idea how to effectively communicate. It has NOT happened with my current BF of 15 months, and I don't think it would ever happen because of the way we communicate...I would say it would be me that would have the better chance of copping an attitude just because I am a hot head sometimes but I don't do that with my BF now because I immediately feel horrible because he is so clam and laid back, it's hard to get angry at all at him.

Answer 12

Yep, it's called the beginning of the end.

Answer 13

No this never happens to me. He can not get aggressive every time he hears something he doesn't want to hear. He needs to grow up and you should put your foot down.

Answer 14

First of all, don't sweat the small stuff! Worry about much bigger issues!  Second, don't make it any harder than what it is so far! You are pouring in more gasoline into the fire, instead of backing off with less. Try sleeping with your husband in the same bedroom in a very small mattress and snuggle up tightly together.  I have try this and this helps improve the marriages. There is less frustration, less stress and less of everything.  This work for me and my wife even more than marriage conseling.  

Answer 15

I can understand.  sounds like you have a communication problem.  Maybe its the way you say it that makes him become defensive towards you.  You could start out with, "it would be really nice if"  or "I feel this way when you..."  You could also try counseling or learning effectiveness training.  Look up Dr. Thomas Gordon and try and find out more about L.E.T training.  It explains about its all in the way you say things on how people react.  For example if you start out with "You"...people get defensive because its directed solely to them, if you used "I would like it better if  it was this way", they stop and think about it and don't feel defensive.

I understand where you are coming from.  My husband likes to control things and seems that when we get into an argument, hes only out to win.  His ideas are the best ones and we always have to do it his way even if i disagree.  Its hard i know, hang in there!

Answer 16

was he always an a $$?

Answer 17

Stop giving in and giving him what he wants (an apology). You're both acting childish in your arguments. Everyone has arguments, the key is how productive they are. The silent treatment gets you nowhere fast. His aggression gets him an apology....can you imagine? How in the heck....? Change it up. Do something different next time he tries to bully you into shutting up ( that is what he's doing you know and you're letting him succeed ) like, oh, I don't know, stand up for yourself and tell him he can take f*ck off with his attitude. And stop apologizing for god's sake. It makes you seem weak and controllable.  

Answer 18

happens with us quite often.  glitch in communication and neither of us can seem to get around it.  sorry I'm no help

Answer 19

Ok hunnie i no this is gunna be hard to hear but imma tell you my story and you have to decide what you wanna do ok? Well i was married and my man did the same thing he would go off the walls swearing and yelling calling me names cause it wasnt his way or not wat he wanted as well as many other things. I was a good wife and faithfull so not for one second do i blame you. I did every thing cooked, cleaned, worked, we had s*x everyday so that shouldnt of been a problem, he always wanted water at night before he went to bed, he had friends over alot, so i no how it can be hard. I talked to him and let him know that it couldnt be like this and that i would have to leave if it didnt stop. His responce was LEAVE ME THEN. Well i got fed up and left he didnt call me for 2 to 3 weeks so i was like i guess we really are done. I was hurting and some one took advanage of that and cause i was so upset i didnt even see it and i had s*x with him. Yes i no it was wrong. An he wanted me to come back well i told him wat i did and he got really upset. but he didnt realize he was in the wrong to he was taking women out on dates and if he had s*x with any women i dont no.. Well i stayed with him and we tried to work it out but he was talking to some chick and swears they were just friends and he would be like i told her i would come over and i was like promise me this is the last time he did and it wasnt lets just say things got ugly and when they did it hurt so much and got really hard to deal with. When you dont feel like eating and cant sleep and just wanna call him its hard. The point im trying to make threw all that i had a friend a guy friend he was a friend just a friend i didnt even feel attracted to him in any way he was there for me I cried on his shoulder and he was there for me i would go chill with him for hrs and he never tried anything. He new everything i did and i could sit there and talk to him about anything. Thats the man im with right now he is the one thing i got that makes me so happy. Now he will never swear or yell at me and when i wanna talk or he wants to talk we sit down and talk calmly an explain our situation. No matter wat happens i no i can turn to him and talk to him about anything. Basically wat it all boils down to is this you need to look at you and your husband and see if you can deal with that the rest of your life cause its never gunna change thats him i tried changing my ex but it doesnt work. Now he wants me back and calls everyday but he will never change that is him and i no this because he was like i changed i changed but yet he still was lying to me and thought i was stupid. Dont let him get in your head you have to be strong i promise you there is a better man out there and you can find him. Its your choice but no one can change your husband except him and im sure he wont he dont see nothing wrong with wat he is doing. Now pray about it and ask GOD to show you the way. I no you deserve better and you can have better. Good luck.  : )

I no i wrote like a book but i am just trying to help i wanted to add any one that has responded and said i havent been threw that but if i did.....  dont listen well you can listen but realize they dont no how it is to be in that situation. When you love some one so much you let your guard down when you invest yrs into a marriage it is hard to just up and leave so i understand. I was them i would sit there and say its not that hard he is being an *** and disrespecting you but untill you have been in that situation you can not come close to tell some one to up in leave its not easy not even close to being easy. Imma tell you now its gunna be hard but focus on something else its gunna be hard best thing to do is hang with friends and go out do not listen to the radio or watch tv cause that just tears you up more. Good luck hun.