Women who establish their career before having children: what is your opinion on them? Is is selfish that?

Question

they wait so long, they are often infertile as a result or does having a passionate pursuit being fulfilled mean they might be better parents than if they had had kids first?

Answer 1

I'm in my senior year of college, my major being Social Work.  I intend to go on to Graduate school for my Master's Degree.  I am waiting to have childeren until I know that I will be able to financially support a child of my own. I'm in my mid-20s right now and I really want to enjoy life to the fullest, and not have to worry about raising a kid until I am at least in my mid to late 30s.

Answer 2

Using the word "selfish" implies a very strong value judgment on your part, so I'll respond in kind:  having a baby before you're fully mature is a tremendous risk.  People speak of "settling down," marrying and having kids.  Youth is the time to find yourself, try different things, discover who you are and what you stand for.  How many very young women, although stable and good mothers, would have chosen to wait until they experienced life a bit?  And a woman who prefers to be a SAHM should ALWAYS have solid workplace skills to fall back on, because you never know.  It's common sense.  (I was told by a young mother that if anything happened to her husband, she would rely on her family and her church to help support her.  A sweet idea, but neither realistic nor mature.)

Do you want to educate your own children to be able to make a living in an increasingly challenging business environment?  Or would you advise them to begin breeding before they've finished growing up?  It's a fact that the human brain continues to develop until the mid-20's.  Why have a child when you're still growing yourself?

I'm going out on a limb here, but I suspect the next 20 years will not see a return to people deciding to marry and reproduce early.  Society always moves forward, not back.  An education is the best investment you can make in yourself.  Children grow up and move away, and then what?

Answer 3

Nothing is less selfish than making sure you can take care of yourself before you can take care of your children. A woman who does not do this runs a greater risk of being unable to support them, be it financially or emotionally.

Answer 4

First, not all women want to have children ever.

Second, women who have careers first will be better able to parent and support themselves and their children financially and they won't be forced to be married if they don't want to be.

I think it is better for society if all parents are educated and mature before having kids.  

Answer 5

Tracey got this one right.

The statistics are not unclear on this matter; the longer parents wait until having kids, the better those kids turn out to be.

Answer 6

Why would it be selfish that we wait so long?  Would you rather I pop a kid out now and be miserable?  I would rather have kids when I'm ready (which would be after I establish my career) then have them now and feel like I ruined the rest of my life.  As horrible as that sounds, having kids now would shatter my dreams and goals--and I don't know if I would be a very good mom if I blamed my children for that loss.

No one should ever have children until they're ready.  If you were ready at 19, then good for you.  I'm not ready at 27.  I will not have children simply because people tell me "I'm getting to that age."  I will have them when I am ready (both emotionally and mentally) and that way I can love them and take care of them at the best of my ability.

I wonder why you would ask such a question?  I don't understand how you can think a career woman waiting is selfish.  Seems like an odd judgment.  

Answer 7

My opinion of them is that they are entitled to decide what they want and, if so, when they want it. Why others are so concerned with people exercising their god-given constitutionally protected rights behooves me.

Answer 8

I think they are smart. You want to be able to take care of yourself and children.

Answer 9

I think it is wise to establish a career before having children. Going to college and entering the career world is much more difficult when you have young children to take care of. Not to say that it can't be done. My mom got her bachelors and masters in psychology when my brother and I were kids. Though I admire her for doing that, she really didn't get to start her career until she was about 40.  

Answer 10

I think it's okay either way.  Each woman has to follow her dreams.  I just don't think either way of thinking should be put down.

Answer 11

So, should we establish careers AFTER we have kids?  I guess we should wait until we have kids before we go to college, and get jobs.  Yes, that should work when you have children to take care of.

Maybe women wait because they want to be financially secure BEFORE they have children so that, when they want to take time off to be with their children, they'll be able to, since they've saved money (hopefully).  

And, unless your career takes off after the age of 35, I think it's safe to say that you won't have to worry about being infertile.

And how does establishing your career first make you less of a parent?  I think it's selfish to have kids before you establish your career because you'll be broke and unstable.

EDIT:

"Yes Capricorn, I was broke but far from unstable."

Oh my goodness, I meant FINANCIALLY unstable.  I guess I have to spell everything out.

Answer 12

Older women who are college educated statistically make better mothers (I'm not saying young women or women without educations make bad mothers, by the way). But the children of more mature, educated women are more likely to have health insurance, more likely to do better in school, more likely to be breastfed, less likely to be abused or shaken, far less likely to live near or below the poverty line, more likely to go to college themselves, in turn and far less likely to become young, single parents themselves in the future.

I am able to give my daughter a far better future now, in my late 30s, then I ever would have been able to in my early to mid 20s.

Answer 13

When (if) I have children, I want them to have the best life I could possibly give them.  For me, that means waiting until I am established in my career and can support them financially (married or not).  I'd rather not have children than risk having them grow up in a financially poor and unstable environment.  I like knowing that I can take care of my child and that he/she would have a much better life and more options now than if I had kids 10 years ago.  To me, that's about as UNSELFISH as I can be.

Answer 14

Tracey is totally right and correct with all of those benefits which go alongside being an older parent with a career first.

It is good sense to wait until you have a career behind you if possible.  A woman needs to be sure she can support a child financially and provide the best for them.  How can it be selfish when it is their life and their choice?  It doesn't, after all, detract from their parenting abilities once they finally do have children - as Tracey points out, in many ways they benefit their children more than young parents.