Women who want a divorce aknowledge the fact that a child needs ?

Question

both parents, if he has been a good man and not an alcoholic child rapist that is.

If women aknowledge that a child needs a father as well, what good do they think is a father going to do to a child that does not even live at home and gets to see his children only for a couple of hours each week ?

Answer 1

Issues?!

Hmmm, anyone who asks a question like this is giving themselves away!  Divorce/separation is not an easy decision for anyone (male/female) to make - and most decent people (male/female) will consider the needs and best interests of their children first and foremost.  In fact, many people stay in bad relationships longer than they should 'for the children'.  

And no, I'm not divorced and neither are my parents.

Answer 2

I believe Cassius is saying that either child custody should be more equitable, or visitation should in some what more realistically accommodate and reflect the shared theory that children need both parents to be around >> and that both men and women should support such an idea.

... this seems fairly simple to me, I don't understand why so many answerers struggled with it.

Answer 3

A child needs to be in a healthy home - and if both parents are unhappy and fighting all the time - they are not learning about healthy relationships.

Custody settlements today are very different from 10 years ago - when fathers didn't get much time with their children.  More and more often, we are seeing one week on, one week off - so equal time parenting.  And, in my opinion, living in two happy homes, rather than one unhappy one, is much better for children....  

Answer 4

So you are saying that Divorce is always at the request of the mother, and that it's a bad thing for the children, and it's always the woman's fault??

Get over your divorce already, it's seriously jading your thinking....  

Answer 5

You have a very narrow definition, you say that a 'bad' man is an alcoholic child rapist, so is a 'good' man just a child rapist, or an alcoholic, or a perpetrator of domestic and family violence, or a drug addict, or a dealer, or many other things that I could list here. Even 'good' men can be 'bad', look at men who don't know how to parent (they may love their kids but it doesn't mean that it is in the childs best interest to be around them), how about work-a-holic fathers, or fathers that love their kids but get drunk every night (even if there is no violence), or fathers that work 'normal' hours but are so tired that they fall asleep when they get home, or fathers who are sick with cancer or some other illness that prevents them from fathering. 'good' and 'bad' are far too broad a definition to use and you should avoid them in questions because they "beg the question" or use circular logic to get a particular response (similar to rhetorical questions)

Yes, ideally a child needs both parents.

But.

A child doesn't need to be a pawn between two rival parents who vent to the child about the flaws of the other parent.

A child doesn't need to be the victim or see the reality of domestic and family violence.

If the parents live a great distance apart, a child doesn't need to spend huge amounts of time traveling just to make both parents happy.

A child doesn't need inconsistent parenting.

Ideally, a marriage wouldn't break up but if it does then what a child needs is to know that they are loved by both their parents, for their parents to be civil to each other and create a workable routine and workable rules for parenting that places the child's best interests first and for both parents to be respectful to each other (that means no abusive or controlling behavior's towards the other).

Unfortunately it rarely works that way and the best result for the child/children is to live solely with one parent and for the other to realize that they need to be mature and put the child's welfare before their own desires, even if this means basically walking away.

*edit*

You would be surprised how often seperated parents do exactly what you have just accused my of. Children are often told all sorts of things so that 'the other' parent will be less liked than them. Many children are forced to sit in a car with one parent yabbering on about how much better they are and how greedy or selfish the other one is. Your absolutely right, it completely lacks class which is why in my above post I was clear that children don't need it in their lives.

Thanks for reading.

Answer 6

Same answer as I gave when you asked this a few hours ago:

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

and the one YOU picked as best answer wasn't..... it was just one you agreed with.   It is better that a child be from a broken home than in one.

Answer 7

From what I've seen a person can justify anything - anything at all.

Considering a bunch of people managed to justify the murder of millions, I can't see there being much difficulty in justifying that for whatever the personal reasons of the person making them.

Edit - just realised I hadn't fully answered your question, which baiscally seems to hinge on what good can a father do with a few hours each week .... Actually that got me thinking.

Well mostly he'll see them grow up and see that mostly he doesn't have much influence on anything.

He can listen to their concerns - he probably can't do anything about them tho as he doesnt have time enough with them.

If they are being abused he can try to stop it.

Answer 8

Women like that are thinking of one person and one person only: Herself.  

Answer 9

They are often looking at the bigger picture.  I have some friends who stayed together for the sake of the children, in order to (in theory) give them a stable home with two parents.  The result?  Both kids, who are under 10 years old, are in therapy.  The older one is in danger of developing an ulcer due to stress.  The parents finally divorced, in part because the therapists pointed out that the home environment had become toxic for the kids.  Another case:  dad spent all of his spare time hanging out with friends.  He often came home after the kids were in bed and left in the morning before they got up.  Weekends were spent with friends.  Mom filed for divorce when the kids asked if it was normal not to love their father.  Dad remarried and had a third kid, which he neglects.  Mom remarried and now the kids have a great step dad who loves them and spends as much time with them as they want.  

Living with both biological parents isn't always the best for the kids, especially if there are problems between the parents.

Answer 10

Well the child would not be in this world with out the father's participation.  There should be joint custody,weekends with the father,something to show that child that even if the parents can not be together,that he or she is still loved.  Parents can both both go to there childs activities,and support that child together,with out them being together.  it all has to do with compromise.... you do not need to live together to prove you both love your children....

Answer 11

What good do you think it is to have two parents at home who fight all the time and do not love each other?  I think that would have more of a negative impact on a child, rather than the parent's being separated.  Even if the father is not home with the child 24/7, that doesn't mean that he can not take an interest in that child when they do have the time together and make positive contributions in their life.  Absence from the home in no way should represent abandonment.  

Answer 12

"Men that file for custody acknowledge the fact that a child needs both parents?"

Why is this question different from yours?

Answer 13

What a lot of people (both men and women) need to understand is that staying in an unhealthy or unhappy marriage for the sake of the kids is not a good idea. I understand the affects that a divorce can have on a child, but we also much research and understand the affects that an unhappy marriage can have on a child as well. Even if either of the parents are wonderful with the children (being a good mother or father), if they're not a good spouse it can (and will) create a deconstructive environment at home that will become harmful to the children's development. It can distort a child’s idea of what a happy marriage should look like, or alter their views of the opposite s*x, based on the actions of the parent representing the s*x in which they will later chose to have a relationship with.

I've found that when couples stay together for the sake for the children, the family as a whole end’s up being more miserable than what it would be if they both just moved on with their lives. Because if neither of the parents are happy, then the children won't be either. Many married couples who're at odds with one another argue constantly, disagree in front of the kids (with out even trying too) or get into verbal and physical fights which all leads to psychological issues being developed by the children trapped in the middle. One of the worst things in the world is watching two grown ups (who know better) put their children in the middle of the mess they've created for themselves.

And every marriage will have issues, but if it’s the point where neither of the parents are able to bear the thought of being together, then it’s time to call it off. This way he/she can live life peacefully enough to be able to provide for the children and not add to an environment of rage, hate and torment between the two heads of the household. A family union is only stable if the pare who created the family is mentally sound.  And you can’t be mentally sound if the one you’re with is driving you crazy.

I would advise that you and your ex-wife put your differences aside and work together for the betterment of the kids. It’s no longer about the two of you any more (since you’re no longer together). It’s now about the kids and what’s best for them. What ever disagreements the two of you have, keep that amongst yourselves and let bygones be bygones. Holding animosity towards her can and will only make matters worse with the custody issues involving the children. And remember, men seek divorces just as much as women do. There are men who decided to call the marriage off because he’s no longer in love with the woman he’s with, he’s found another woman, or he just simply doesn’t want to be married any more. I’ve seen this happen on more than one occasion as well.