Women with children?

Question

Ok guys (and girls) how do you feel relationships honestly work with men getting with women with children of their own

I have recently said i would never get with a girl with a child over the past 5 yrs due to previous experiances but how does it work for you guys

1) Some people think its unfair the mother should loose out because she had a child with some other guy who walked out or cheated on them?

But here is what I have thought....

1) Always some involvement from the father or their family

2) Sometimes jelousy and tension between the father and the new bf or visaversa

3) Child takes a dislike to you or states things like "your not my daddy" when trying to help

4) Mother expects you to dissipline the child after 2 months etc when you know the child isnt yours and you cant bare thinking about shouting at them neverloan hitting them

5) The Children card, if things go wrong they put the "What about the son or daughter" card at you forcing you to feel guilty and stay in a unhappy relationship

My moto since 5 yrs ago (had a bad experiance) was to start a family not become part of one

Whats your views

As I would like to think I could meet a girl with a child, accept the child as my own without all the complications and have a long term and lasting relationship

What do you think is it possible to be happy and havea long term relationship REALISTICALLY FROM YOUR OWN EXPERIANCE ONLY PLEASE?

Answer 1

Reading this you make me think that I have no chance to meet anyone else! I have no problems with my ex, we get along just fine now, my kids are 8 and 9 and I am working on a bachelor's degree  and thinking about getting my masters. Since I have kids that makes me a bad catch? I don't think so but I could be wrong.

Answer 2

My son, who is now 9 almost 10, is not my husbands bio son.  My son was 2 and a half when my husband came into our lives.  He is the only daddy my son has.  He does not treat my son (our son) any different than he treats our daughter that we have together.  

That being said, he did come into our lives when my son was young so I think that was a factor for why it worked out for us.  My brother got with a woman who had older children and they constantly fought.  The kids already had a daddy and saw my brother as an intruder.  He did finally earn their respect, but it was alot of hard work.

If a man comes in thinking the kids are just going to accept him as a father figure then it won't work.  It takes time.

Answer 3

I do think it's unfair that a gal should lose out on men because the guys doesn't want to assume the role of a father-figure. But I understand why men feel this way.

But people should be honest about this stuff when they date.

However, it's sad that you think like this. My stepmother has been more of a mother to me than my biological ever has, and I think that sometimes it can work out. But it does depend on the situation, how much you care for the woman you are with and what you are willing to put up with when it does come to interaction from the father.

Although your judgment comes off as a little harsh, I understand where you are coming from. But I also think that if you really love the person, the rest can fall into place. Being in a relationship is hard, and bringing children into can make it that much harder. But this stuff should be brought to the table so there aren't any unrealistic expectations.

Answer 4

It is possible. My dad's best friend has done it twice. (That story involves a LOT of drama; please don't ask for details.) However, it would not be possible for someone who does not want children.

Answer 5

Yes, it can work. My husband has a child from a past relationship, and we have a daughter together. It has never caused any problems or tension. We love each other, so it was natural and something we didn't make a big deal out of. If I didn't want to be in a relationship with someone who had children, I'd be writing off a lot of great people. I can handle NOT being the center of attention all the time. I think it's important for both people to have important relationships in their lives, and if that includes children that's fine. I don't get drama from his ex, she's remarried and everyone is happy. Anything can work if you want it to.  

Answer 6

I dated a guy with kids ONCE, and swore I'd never do it again. The ex-wife was a psycho. She tried to get me fired from my job, impersonated my doctor's office to try to get my home address, and even tried to run me off the road one night.

Just be careful what you're getting yourself into. If you don't want to take on another man's child(ren), that's perfectly okay. It doesn't make you any less of a human being, no matter what some answerers seem to think. It's YOUR life. There are plenty of women out there without kids.  

Answer 7

I do not know how old you are but if you do not have children of your own it would be best to date women without children.  I know what I am taliking about because I have one myself and understand the complications which can arise.

Answer 8

Back in the early 60's a navy wife and nurse with seven children and one on the way lost her husband in a plane crash over Whidbey Island in Washington where I am living for awhile now, canoing sometimes around Whidbey Island.  She fell in love again with another navy officer, taking her time, of course, before telling him the awful truth of having eight children, but, when she did, he had to tell HER the awful truth that he had TEN children!  Their love story and marriage made the news and even a movie was made about them, "Yours, Mine and Ours" with Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball as middle-aged lonely people who fell deeply in love and, not despite their hordes of children, but for them also, that man and woman went forth together as a united family in a covenant of love.

My husband and I took into our home children who needed our love.  Most of them had no real father.  Lots of crack babies and such.  I watched my husband play with his own babies in the group of always about twelve children for ten years.  He treasured his own, of course, but, he had something grand in him that allowed him to pour fatherly genuine love onto ALL the children.  About 250 lucky kids grew up with all the father they needed, thanks to that fine man.  Guys like him are not rare.  LOTS of men have that honorable fatherly touch.  Women with children need to find the yummy guys who want to be the father,  not the guys who want to be the child.

Answer 9

From my own experience, it takes a special man to take on someone else's child and love them as their own.  There ARE special men out there.

Answer 10

I think the problem is usually more on the step parents end. Kids can always be reached. if you love a women you'll love her kids and vice versa

Answer 11

I would never date a women with children.

I hope you have leaned your lesson

WHY THE h**l SHOULD YOU TAKE ON SOME OTHER GUYS KIDS.

Plus you fail to mention IF at a later date you had children with this woman you know for a FACT you would love your own child more than the other child.

ANY GUY THAT SAYS OTHERWISE IS A HORRIBLE LIAR!!!!!

Answer 12

Granted, it can be a little tricky.

But, what if you meet someone very special who already has a child? Will you completely discount her as a possibility?

There's not much you could do with point 1 and point 2, as mentioned above. Point 3 and point 4 however, are concerns that *you* have a role in determining. If you enter the relationship with the expectation that the child will love and respect you as their father, then you will have problems. That relationship builds over a long period of time, and you can't MAKE the child consider you their father. If the mother expects you to discipline the child within 2 months of meeting them, I would suspect that the mother might have some "issues" you might like to consider.

Re: point 5 - Yes, this is certainly an issue that needs profound consideration. But, that is the risk *anyone* takes when a child enters the equation.

I don't know how old you are, but as one gets older the chances of hooking up with someone with a child gets bigger. Just something else to consider :-)

I don't think you should make a hard and fast decision like that. You could well miss a wonderful opportunity of a beautiful family.