Women: would you feel insecure if your husband chose to vacation seperately?

Question

Not because of problems, just to maintain your and his independence. Going with a group of friends. You're free to do the same of course.

Answer 1

Dude, if you're the one that has a seperate house or apartment, seperate money, no ring and now vacation without the wife?  You are my hero.  I salute you, man.  You need to be teaching classes and sharing the knowledge.

Answer 2

Assuming we go on various vacations together...  I wouldn't mind if he wanted to go do something I hated, and if I could trust the people he's going with.  Why would I go with him if my lack of enthusiasm/participation would ruin his vacation, as well as mine?  And, why would he come with me somewhere he wouldn't like, but I love?

Answer 3

No way! I think it is a great way for him to go do the guy things that he wants to do that I have no interest in. My husband goes every winter to ski. I hate the cold and think this is a great trip for him and his friends. The wives of all the men head to the beach for a few days.

Answer 4

I wouldn't feel insecure, I'd feel angry and hurt. Being married is about being together. I'm his best friend the one he has fun most with so why on earth would he want to go on holiday with someone else?

Answer 5

that's perfectly fine, every guy needs some time out with the guys.  Depends on where they are going too of course.

Answer 6

No. Already been there and done that; we're still married.

Answer 7

If it happened all the time, yes.  If it was every so often, and we took vacations together as well, no.

Answer 8

I would like to think my husband would enjoy my company, so yes, I would feel insecure about my skill as a wife.

Answer 9

No, he needs his space & I need mine, c'est la vie.

Answer 10

I've been married to my husband for more than 25 years and the only vacation he took without me was one to a ski resort with some co-workers. Otherwise, we always vacation together and include our daughters. They love traveling and I can't imagine leaving them at home by themselves while my husband and I go on vacation.

Answer 11

I certainly hope not. My fiancee has no problems with me going away with my friends (male and/or female), and I have no problems with her going away with her friends (male and/or female).

She has interests that I do not, and I have interests that she does not. It's selfish and insecure to hold someone back from pursuing their interests just because you don't share them.

But we also go on vacations together, and manage to maintain our independence in lots of ways. Couples aren't meant to spend every moment together.

Sometimes, you just need some time apart; insecure people do not recognize that.

Answer 12

this depends on:  what kind of friends?  will they be joined by anybody else later? what are they going to do on an hourly basis?  will he phone every 3 hours and whether she can come with him as a friend.

Answer 13

No I wouldn't feel insecure.

but if we had children they would go with him on his vacation.  :)

Answer 14

The weird part is that he says you can't take any vacations together.  My husband and I take separate trips once in a while.  Usually it's me taking the kids to see my parents, or him tacking on a trip to see his family, to the end of a business trip.  I have taken girls-only trips to go shopping, and he has gone skiing with the guys, but we never take mixed-s*x trips without each other, and most of our vacation trips are together, with our kids.  I don 't get the need to maintain independence when you're married.  Isn't that one of the benefits of marriage - having someone you can depend on?

Answer 15

You can't have opposite s*x friends while in a relationship, they are only back up plans unless they have a date themselves. Yes, I would be offended and would probably leave him or ending up cheating. That is the only thing that can come from this. He can find other ways to maintain Independence. Also, it depends on where and how far he is going. I f he is just going golfing down the street then that's fine, but vacation that sounds shady. The number one thing is the opposite s*x friends, alleviate it if you want your marriage to last!

Answer 16

Not at all, my partner and I sometimes holiday separately. We also holiday together. It's healthy to not be joined at the hip 100% of the time. Plus we have different interests > he likes music festivals more than I do, I like doing more active outdoorsy things like walking, horse-riding etc.

Answer 17

I think suspicious is a better word here

Answer 18

I wouldn't mind him going off with a friend or friends, I have in the past gone on trips with friends without him.  However, we always had a family holiday as well, and I think I would feel a bit hurt if he didn't want to do that too.

However, I think people normally have more holidays in the UK than you do in America, so perhaps it is more of a problem for you.  Most english people get at least four weeks paid holiday a year, and five is quite usual, my husband gets five.

Answer 19

I don't think insecure would be an accurate word. But it would be weird. Our relationship just... isn't like that. For one thing, we're best friends, and who doesn't want to spend their vacation with their best friend? For another thing, we're both pretty independent. We spend most of the day doing our own thing, so neither of us ends up feeling smothered and in need of time apart. So, I don't know that I'd feel insecure, but I'd be confused about the reasoning.

Edit:  Vacationing separately isn't "maintaining independence". Independence is maintained by the way you act and handle yourself on a daily basis. Separate vacations seem like they're more about wanting some space, and if you already give each other all the space you need, then vacations start to seem like a time to focus on each other for awhile. Although I admit, if I was married to someone who wanted to be attached at the hip all the time, then separate vacations would be completely necessary. I'd go insane without some time away from that.

Edit 2: After reading some of the other answers I feel I should add that taking a solo vacation due to different interests is perfectly fine. I went to another state without him once, because I wanted to go to a ceramic art convention. He wasn't into it, so he didn't go. If he wanted to go do something I wasn't into, same thing, no problems here. I was thinking of a vacation as more of just spending a week in NY or something else that neither of us would want to miss out on.

Answer 20

its one thing to go out one night with a group of friends once in a while but to actually go away on vacation without your partner is kind of suspicious.

Answer 21

My ex-wife and I would take 4 vacations a year. One of them was seperate from each other. She was not into climbing so once a year me and my buddies would go to the mountains for a week and climb and she would go to the beach with the girls. Worked out great.

Answer 22

If she trusts him enough

Answer 23

I don't think insecure would be the right word...more like pissed off. Marriage is about unity, so trying to maintain your independence is kind of unrealistic.

Answer 24

It sounds like he's cheating or something.

Answer 25

Most women would feel insecure about it.  Especially the ones with a good looking and/or rich husband.

Answer 26

the words..

Divorce papers

have a nice ring to them.

Answer 27

Not insecure (unless there were other tips) but perhaps feeling a bit left out.  Go away with my friends on a trip of my own?  Nice but not the same as going with Honey Bunches.