Women: would you marry a man that doesn't mention you?

Question

In order to maintain his independence and privacy.

He doesn't do anything that a married man shouldn't but has no desk pictures at work, no wedding ring, no Monday stories about spending the weekend with you. etc.

Would his independence bother you?

Answer 1

h**l NO.

It's healthy to maintain independence from your significant other, but that is straight out hiding them.

He's obviously hiding something.

Why wouldn't he want people to know about you? It's not right, maybe he's flirting with someone at work.

I was once with a man like that, he didn't tell people about me so he could get away with flirting with other females so that he didn't look like an ***.

Don't marry this fool!

If he was happy to be with you, he would want to talk about you and show you off.

It'll never change either. Don't expect it to.

Answer 2

No it wouldn't bother me at all. I own a business myself. And the two things  I keep separate is family and business. For two reason, one they don't mix. Two, what if an employee gets mad at me and notices a picture of my boyfriend and decides to take the anger out on him? That's why if he don't mention me at works, that's a good thing.

Answer 3

i wouldnt want anyone-male or female,relative or friend,who pretends i dont exist.either this man is ashamed of his wife,or he is pretending 2 b single with an agenda on his mind.

Answer 4

No, it wouldn't bother me.  My husband and I have been together over 20 years and he doesn't wear a ring.  He doesn't have a photo of me in his office (or so he says - he does classified work so I'm not allowed in the office).  He and his co-workers mostly discuss work as opposed to what they did over the weekend.  I'd say this is pretty normal.  I don't have a photo of him on my desk, and I don't discuss my personal life at work for the most part, so we're even.

Answer 5

Pretending his wife doesn't exist is his independence?  That makes no sense.  Pretending your single when your married isn't independence its a fantasy.  No picture on a desk no big deal some offices don't allow it.  Not wearing a ring is a choice couples should make.  Not mentioning her that is leading everyone to believe that he is single.  Is that the independence he wants to portray; that he can still date?

Answer 6

The wearing of the wedding ring is a deal buster.

It appears as if you are not really in love with your mate if you have no stories to share, don't want to show her off with a photo at your desk.

Maybe.... you are not committed to the marriage and are still looking for your true love and by "maintaining your independence and privacy" you are giving the impression of still being available.

Answer 7

I can happily say that I am in a relationship where we don't acknowledge that we are together to anyone outside of our circle of friends. It's because we are open, and we don't like everyone to know. I like it, it's quite s**y to have a private relationship.

Really I think personal relationships have no place in business life and keeping them separate is quite nice.

I am secure enough that I don't need to advertise "he's mine" to everyone around me.

Answer 8

you shouldn't.

period

Answer 9

Well, that's how I've been behaving towards men for ten years now and it sure bothers THEM.  I love my independence and utter privacy.  But, I'm dating as an older woman. Younger people cannot form rich enough relationships for healthy child-rearing unless they strive to nurture a covenant of love in which there is not so much "dependence" as their is "synergy".

Answer 10

Yes it would. I'd like to think that I am a big enough part of his life that he would at least wear his wedding ring and mention me at work now and then. Photos, meh, hubs doesn't have a pic of me on his desk but I'm fine with that because I don't photograph well! LOL

Answer 11

I want to be a part of a man's life if I'm going to marry them. In metaphor, I don't want to be the extra side of mashed potatoes he gets at KFC, I want to be part of his main meal. I include him because I love him, because he means a lot to me, and because he's a big part of my life - something I can't avoid. Me and my boy do a lot of things together, and I'm glad that he's made me a part of his life, instead of an extra in it.

I'm glad he brags to me about his friends, and calls me the prettiest girl in the world, and tells them about the cool things we've done, and the cool things we're going to do.

He's still independent and does a lot of things on his own.. but he makes sure to acknowledge and respect the relationship he has with me.. and I think that's part of the reason that we work so perfectly together.

Answer 12

Independence?

What you describe has nothing to do with independence. Why do you call it independence?

Pretending that he's not married is odd. Most people casually chat about their personal lives at work -- how their long weekends or vacations were.

Most people who love other people have pictures of those people, so they can look at them during the day.

Someone who doesn't do these, and who makes an effort to pretend to not have an SO is going to extraordinary lengths -- people don't do that without motive.

"Independence" is NOT such a motive, as hiding facts about oneself isn't an act of independence.

If he's that much of a privacy freak, I'd wonder why. What is his problem with anyone knowing anything about his off-work life?

Marry?

I don't know.

But if his pretence that I didn't exist carried beyond his working life, I probably wouldn't stay with such a man. After all, I DO exist.

Answer 13

Is this Independence or a double life? That's what I really think. Out of my life's experience, when a man keeps things this secret, or 'private' as you call it, it's usually because the presence of his wife intrudes his current lifestyle and shuns away the hunnies.   :(

Independence? get real

...so, NO, I would not marry a man like this.

Answer 14

no i would not marry a man that would want to keep me hidden

Answer 15

Well if he's not acting like a married man when he wants to be married then what the h**l is he doing in a marriage?

Answer 16

Don't!  "Independence"?  Why bother getting married if independence is his highest priority?

I married a guy who wouldn't tell his friends that we were engaged.  I made up excuses for it, but in the end he was just a narcissist who wanted to keep his options open.