Wondering how to handle a situation that I have. I have started a job working 40 hours a week but I notice?

Question

that I am still having to do the laundry, wash dishes, cook and clean the entire house on top of taking care of three children. My husband has about 4 free hours before work and 3 free hours after work. He is doing none of the above except working 40 hours just as I do away from the home. I have come up with 2 choices: Let the clothes pile up except for what the kids and myself need, dishes pile up, quit cooking for the next night and quit cleaning the house or just simply tell him even though I have made comments in the past. What should I do?

Answer 1

I agree with the previous responder about reading "Men are from Mars......"  It is all in the words.  Be very specific.  I remember when my son was younger......."Did you feed the dog?"      "Yes, Mam."      "Today?"     "No Mam."    

PS:  I now give the US Navy credit for making him figure it out.  

They did in a couple of weeks what I could not do in 18 years.

Answer 2

Sit him down and tell him now that you're working, things will need to change regarding housework duties.  It would help if you prepared a list of chores ahead of time.  Let him know he will need to take some of them, and does he have any ideas of which things he feel would work best for him.  But don't let him off the hook with just a couple of things.  In general, women like things tidier than men, so it's not realistic to expect him to split things 50/50, but he should take a substantial part.  Are there little things your kids can do, too?  Even stuff like making sure there's toilet paper on the rod and that their rooms are picked up make a huge difference.  If he grudgingly agrees but doesn't end up doing his share, then that's when you need to go "on strike".

Answer 3

I think that the whole family has to sit down and divy up responsibilities.  There's no reason for the children not to be able to do dishes and the laundry as my 10 year old does.  If they are older they can pitch in with other chores as well.  Perhaps your husband can take over some of your chores as well.  One of you probably prefers to cook over the other...  What about grocery shopping and dry cleaning?

Answer 4

dump his lazy a$$.

Answer 5

you are the woman of the house. quit work and do your duty

Answer 6

Have you read "men are from mars, women are from venus"?  This helped me a lot with these kinds of problems.  

I would suggest that you have a heart to heart with him.  Tell him you need help and that your family responisibilities are a little overwhelming.  Ask him directly for what you want ; don't assume that he can read your mind or determine by clues what you want him to do.  

If you say "the trash needs to be taken out" he'll just agree.  If you say "honey, will you please take out the trash tonight"? you're much more likely to get the result you want.

If you have time,  give the book a quick scan (since you don't have time to read the whole thing).  I was amazed at what I was doing wrong.

Good luck to you !

Answer 7

Sit him down and CALMLY tell him you need his help to keep your mutual home running smoothly.  Ask him to take on specific chores.  Perhaps he could do the laundry and vaccum.  Or if you cook he cleans up.  Get your children involved too.  Even small children can do chores.  After all, it is the family's home.

Good luck!

Answer 8

WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD.... I HAVE BEEN DOING IT ALL FOR 25 YEARS NOW AND NO ITS NOT EASY BUT YOU WILL JUST HAVE TO ADJUST .I WOULD THROW A LOAD OF CLOTHES IN THE WASHER AS SOON AS I WOKE UP AND THEN BY THE TIME I WAS ALMOST READY FOR WORK I COULD THROW THEM INT THE DRYER.AND WHEN I GET HOME I WOULD THROW ANOTHER LOAD IN THE WASHER AND TURN ON THE DRYER FOR A FEW MINUTES AND FOLD THE OTHER ONES AND SO FORTH SO THAT WAY YOUR WASH CAN KEEP UP UNTIL YOUR DAY OFF TO CATCH UP ON.AS FOR COOKING START DOING CROCK POT MEALS AND WHEN YOU GET HOME FROM WORK ITS ALL READY FOR YOU ALL TOU NEED TO DO IS THE DISHES AND THEN YOU CAN HAVE A FEW MINUTES TO SWEEP OR VACCUUM THE RUS AND SUCH.ITS NOT EASY BEING A MOM AND WORKING FULL TIME BUT A FEW SMALL CHANGES AND YOU WILL GET IT SHORTLY.AND AS FOR GETTING YOUR HUSBAND TO HELP TRY LITTLE THINGS LIKE HAVING HIM PUT AWAY THE DISHES FOR YOU OR PICKING UP WITH THE KIDS TWICE A WEEK AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY IF HE DOES.BUT DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF WHEN YOUR A WORKING MOM NOBODYS HOUSE IS PERFECT ITS LIVED IN.

Answer 9

I'm a guy. I work first shift. My wife works second shift. We have 1 kid. I've never had a problem taking care of my daughter after work. I do the dishes after dinner. I usually do a bit of clean up here and there and my regular 'chores' if you call it that. We worked this system out years go. I have my stuff. She has her stuff.

Recently they increased her to 60 hours because of some increased business.

I get up really early to get to work by 6:00am. One evening when I was about to go to bed, my wife gets home and starts this big old fight over the way the house looks. I'm exhausted because she gets home pretty late. We argue and get kind of loud. She's really angry that I didn't somehow figure out that she needed help with the stuff she usually does.

At the end of the fight, I asked her why she didn't just tell me what was on her mind instead of starting a fight. She said I should have known.

Now, between you and me. Thats a stupid thing to say. Men are not telepathic. We aren't very observant either. Subtle hints don't cut it. If you have something to say, just say it. Don't  wait until you're so frustrated that you can't keep it civil. It won't help your case at all.

I suggest you tell him that you need help. But don't leave it at that. Tell him that you want him to do the laundry or clean the kitchen or whatever it is. You need to give him a specific set of goals. Thats how we think. Don't be too vague. If you want things just right. You need to define 'just right'. Be nice.

After my wife made it clear what she needed help with, I do that and a good bit more. I even started teaching our 4 year old to clean up after herself. Things are much smoother around here now.

WARNING: I haven't been allowed near the washing machine since the great sweater incident of 1999. If this is a concern, you should save the laundry for your day off, but get him to help you fold it.

Good luck.

Answer 10

good luck!! assign chores to everyone. have him cook one day a week. simplfy everything as much as possible. kids can help with laundry they can match socks, etc.  if he doesnt know how to do laundry, show him. you wash, he can dry or what ever works besttalk nicely and tell him u need the help ur getting burnt out