Words of Wisdom?

Question

I go to pick up my former cousin, now daughter, from the airport this evening. She flew in with her social worker who will be flying back right away. I have not seen her for a couple years, but I have talked to her at least once a day for the last 5 months or so. I am so excited, and she is too. I just got off the phone with her and she said she is packed and waiting for Miss Paula to come get her to "bring her home."

Does anyone have any words of wisdom on something to bring her as a welcome home gift? Should I give it to her at the airport, in the car, or wait till we get home? I just want this to be perfect for her.

She is 11, will be 12 in September. She is a bit of a tom boy, but loves girly things too. Any advise on how to make her homecomming special.

Answer 1

Maybe have a gift at home..a cool stereo, mp3, or just take her out for a special welcome home dinner and take her shopping tomorrow to pick out some cool stuff so she doesn't feel awkward meeting new friends.

Answer 2

I would give her a special stuffed animal, an attachment object, even though she's older.  Wait until a quiet moment when you get home, maybe after the baby is in bed.  Also, a special shopping trip for some new clothes or some things to decorate her room would be a fun bonding experience, but maybe not the first few days.  Make things low key for awhile with very few visitors,etc.  

As far as the RAD, I really can't emphasize enough that you need professional help.  Love and attention are great and she does need that, but that isn't enough.  I just really want to emphasize this because I think the whole success of the situation depends on your family getting the professional support you will need.  It may not seem like it at first.  There will be a "honeymoon period."  I just really want this to work for all of you.  

Best wishes and congratulations on your new daughter, Mommy!

Answer 3

Give her something special for her bedroom to make it truly hers... like a sign for the door, a fun clock, a special pillow, etc.  Wait until you get home to give it to her... the airport will be very busy and it's one more thing to carry... you want to be able to look at her/talk to her/hug her when she gets your gift (whatever it is), so the car isn't the best option.

Answer 4

How about something that's only hers for her new home and new room.  Like a new mug with her name on it, or a new set of sheets for her bed...  Something personal, that's only hers, in her new home, a symbol that she belongs in there, and has her own things too.

Answer 5

I believe the best thing to give her, right there, at the airport, is a very warm, tight, long, loving and sincere hug. Make her feel loved and long expected, just as if she were your newborn baby. Because she is.

In terms of a gift, if you have spoken with her daily for five months, you already know what she likes. Save that second gift for when you arrive at the house, her house.

If you have other children, maybe it would be a good idea that she brings a gift to each one of her new siblings, so they may exchange gifts.

You give no details as to what happened to your aunt, but all in all, your best gift to your daughter really is a mom, a family, a house, a life, and above all, love.

Answer 6

Let's see...a welcome gift...maybe if she has a favorite sport you could get her something along those lines (a jersey with her favorite player's number, equipment for the sport, etc.).  Maybe she'd like a journal to keep track of all those feelings bumping around in her heart that she may not be able to express or know how to express verbally right away.  Maybe a special stuffed animal or knick knack just for her (I bought my daughters beautiful Willow Tree figurines while they were at camp...both of them had a special meaning from me to them).

Words of wisdom on RAD...read up on it as much as you can.  Go to http://www.tapestrybooks.com/categories.... and see what books you might like to borrow from the library or purchase to help you (obviously you won't be able to read a book before your daughter comes home, but you can read up now to help yourself for when the honeymoon phase is over).

Do your research:

http://www.radkid.org/

http://aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_famil...

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/reactiv...

are just a few websites you might benefit from looking into.

Gather a team of support people now.  This should include a doctor who knows about adoption issues and attachment, a therapist/counselor who is experience with adoption and attachment, your friends and family who you trust and will read the books that you loan to them on adoption and attachment, and finally an adoption support group led by a qualified facilitator (therapist or social worker).  

The support group is excellent & we go to one each month (and are adding in another that we're involved with creating which will be led by a social worker).  You'll be around other adoptive parents who can understand what you're going through and help you walk through the fire.

The indiscriminate affection is definitely a sign of attachment issues.  You might even want to look into attachment therapy for her.  There are various ones available to choose from.

Watch her with your little one.  Some RAD kids can also have the potential for harming animals & other children.  I'm not saying that this will happen or that it's even likely to happen, but just watch carefully for any signs of trouble & get your daughter the help she needs early on. :-)

God bless you for choosing this path.  Not everyone would.  It's a beautiful thing you're doing.

Answer 7

Just smile, hug her till she's almost blue in the face lol.  Also, you can leave the gift at home on her bed so it's waiting for her.

As you have stated, she has RAD, so you may want to look into some child counseling centers in the area so she can avoid being easily taken advantage of.

Good luck :)

Answer 8

If she is responsible, I'd give her a key to your house (Sounds obvious, but hey...).  Also, maybe take her to pick out some things for her new room.  GOOD LUCK.  You are doing such a beautiful thing.

Answer 9

I don't have any words of wisdom, but I had to comment on how wonderful it is for you to take her in. Anything like that though, should be done in private between you and her. But have balloons, a big huge sign that says welcome home, and throw a big scene at the airport with how happy you are she's there. But save the emotional stuff for home.