Work Related Colleague / Friend Problem?

Question

Hello

I have recently had a bit of a falling out at work with someone, i am a 26 year old senior person in the office, and the person is a member of my team (at 22) and is also someone i would class as a friend.

She is presently not working in the vicinity of the rest of my team and subsequently does whatever she likes. I therefore let her know that i intended to move her to be with the team at which point she point blank refused and was incredibly rude. I walked away at that point for fear of saying something inappropriate. This was 3 days ago and we've barely spoken since. She thinks i am in the wrong and i think she was.

Its a shame because we were good friends before this stupid event.

I need to sort this out, if only for my sanity as there's already plenty to be stressed about at work. Problem is i don't like confrontation so i can't drag her into the office to have it out with her because it won't go well.

Is there anything else i can do?

Answer 1

Sad fact is that you can't be unreserved friends with people who report to you. You can be friendly, and keep up a social life, but you can't be an effective manager if you are constrained by worrying about their feelings all the time.  If you want to make a success of being the senior person, then bite the bullet, and be firm.  If you lose the friendship, that's unfortunate but necessary.  If you really value the person as a friend more than as a colleague, then you need to step down from the position and become her peer again - are you prepared to do that?

It's also possible that you are not quite her line manager, your question doesn't make that clear.  If that's the case, it's possible you have slightly overstepped your authority. However if you think the specific issue is important, talk to your boss, and raise it above your level.

As for confrontation - none of us like it (well hardly any of us), but it's part of working life. Might as well get used to it while you are only 26.

Hope that helps.

Answer 2

As you are the senior person here, you need to take control of this situation. As you were friends before, her familiarity was probably what caused her to act as she did. If she was just another member of staff, she would have probably accepted what you said. You cannot let her undermine you here, even at the expense of your friendship. It not a good example for the rest of your team and you may find your leadership role challenged.  You are not paid to be friends with your staff, but you are paid to lead.

I am a training manager at my own place of work and experience over the years has taught me not to get personally involved with my colleagues.

She should be issued with a verbal warning, if she does not respond to your request and it is in her job description. Make sure you have back up of your senior manager and you are following employment law procedures. I really am very sorry, but you need to be firm here. Don't let her walk over you.

Answer 3

You say you are a 26 yr old and senior person in the office and the person is a member of your team.  However, you do not actually say that you are the team leader.  For answering your question I will take it that you are.  First thing you must ask yourself and I am asking also is how did the situation arise that this person is not working in a vacinity of the rest of the team? If she took this upon herself without permission and as team leader you consider it important the team should be together as one and you have the authority to insist upon this then since you took on the role and obviously getting a salary for the responsibility then friendship goes out the window. You have to tell her there is no room for negotiation, you do not wish illfeeling but you must insist she joins the rest of the team by say (give her a time) and if not you will have no alternative but to raise the matter with whoever is the step on the ladder above you. Walk away and don't get provoked or stand and argue.  This is if you are 100% sure you are correct and have the authority to do this.  If this person is working in an area that she was put in by another member of staff, senior to you then the problem is not quite as straightforward. It should be the person who put her there that you go to and explain your reasons why you consider it essential the whole team are together. If you get the support from this person then you have to explain this to her and again tell her she must join the team or you must report the matter to whoever is above you.  Providing you reason for wishing to move her is 100% valid and not for self satisfaction then your problem can be solved.

Answer 4

If you are a Team leader, you need to step up and act like one.

She may be someone that you would consider a friend, but always remember, friends are friends and work is work.  A real friend wouldn't put you in this position.

You are going to have the risk the friendship and crack down on her.   Threaten to "write her up" if this is a procedure in your office. Or let her know that your going to escalate the issue to the next level of management.

You can't let her walk all over you, or she will continue to do so. She is taking advantage of the friendship.

Answer 5

If you are her manager or supervisor then you are perfectly within your rights to move her to be with the group.  You dont need to be confrontational about - you dont even need to say that its because she is not being productive enough.  

Just sit her down away from everyone else and tell her that you are moving her into the same area as everyone else...make up some excuse such as better team work, bonding, whatever you like.

However, if she really isn't doing enough work and you are her manager you are responsible for dealing with this - friend or not.  If moving her doesnt work you will have to start to let her know that she's not pulling her weight and you are not happy about it.  You cant just sit back and let her do what she wants - shes just abusing your friendship.  Let her know who is in charge.

Answer 6

You have to confront her and talk about what is going on communication is key!

Gather her reasons and think about it and tell her how much you need her to step up at this point! and if she was in your shoes how would she handle it if this is how it had to be and you didn't want to do it!

I don't think anyone likes confrontation so your not alone!  but it must be done!  Just like she don't want to do that team thing  i guess she feels the same about the team as you do about confrontation

there are parts of our jobs that no one likes to do!

Good luck!

Be nice

Answer 7

If you are officially her superior, you are going to have to assert your authority and tell her she is to sit with the rest of the team.  You don't need to be confrontational about it and can soften the blow by telling her you think it will be better for teamwork and efficiency, but make it clear you're telling her, not asking her.  (It seems a reasonable request, after all.)  Take her somewhere you can discuss this quietly and privately.  If she is a genuine friend she will hopefully see reason, or at least drop her refusal.

If she refuses you should ask if there's some reason she doesn't want to sit in the team - who knows, maybe she's at daggers drawn with someone, has some kind of socially avoidant phobia or some other reason.  If she can't give any good reason you will probably have to start your company's disciplinary procedure.

If you are senior only because you have been at your company longer than she has, but don't have an official supervisory capacity, you don't have the authority to order her to do anything and will have to approach your manager about her.

Answer 8

Who is in charge?

Explain it to her slowly, do not allow her to interupt. Make sure she is sitting when you talk to her.

Answer 9

You're her supervisor?

If you are, and she's not being productive it's your job to straighten her out.

Friendship is but the sauce.  You need to consult with your manager to follow the proper business protocol to get her a r s e in gear.

Answer 10

if you're in charge ,then its your call where you ask people to work. because shes a friend ,she probably thinks she can get away with things. you havent done anything wrong so give yourself a break and just let her get on with her sulk.

Answer 11

You did the right thing by walking away before you said something that you may regret.  As for the situation, you should move forward and arrange to have her moved.  I don't know how your company moves people, but usually that is a formal process.  If she simply has to move her things to another desk, request that she does so via email or written request.  If she refuses, this would be insubordination and grounds for removal.

Answer 12

Well you need to get over it if you ever want to progress.  If you are in charge then you need to take charge.  Do not make friends with people you are gong to have to discipline - you can be friendly but don't cross the line.  If you feel you can't deal with this situation then ask your boss to handle it for you be be aware that you are undermining yourself and highlighting the fact that you can't do your job.