Working Single Parents...how do you cope with the guilt in the summer holidays?

Question

Its only day 2 of the holidays and already my kids are laying a guilt trip on me for not doing enough with them.

I have arranged for them to go to kids clubs and sleepovers with friends, but I feel so bad for not taking them out myself.

I am a student nurse and on placement throughout the holidays so I cant get any time off this summer. My time is not my own.

How do i stop feeling so bad for them having a c**p summer?

Answer 1

I used to feel guilty too when my kids were small and I had to go to work. You will get over it and they will have more fun at the kids club as they will be going on trips than being at home if you can't afford to take to away. They will get over it so don't feel bad. It is tough be be a single mother but we made that choice along the way without knowing it. Good luck!

Answer 2

wtf...ur kids should be grateful...

some kids dont even get that

they are stuck at a babysitters allll day everyday the whole summer

just remember that ur doin this to make more money for ur kids....

Answer 3

You could always beat them and then they would really feel bad!!! :)

Actually I used to feel the same way when I worked, I went so far as working nights so I'd be able to spend time with them during the day.

Then I was just tired and couldn't do anything. I couldn't work nor spend time with them!!!

You just have talk to them and explain to them how you need to work but you're trying to make compromises with them!!! Plan things with them for when you're off, this way they can look forward to those days!!!

Kids understand a lot more than we usually give them credit for!!!

Good luck!!! :)

Answer 4

I can't answer this properly because I chose to be a stay at home mum. My problem is I feel guilty for not working. (so much so, I labour for my husband part time)

Like Snizz said just try to do something different on your days off. Play board games, cards etc. in the evenings, just so they can have time with you.

Say goodbye to Y!A! lol

They'll enjoy the things you've organised for them. Don't worry too much.

Answer 5

Theres no need to feel guilty, my dad works through the summer and my parent always have, i actually prefer being home alone (:  If you feel to bad arrange to do things with them on your annual leave or when you have some free time. Im sure your kids understand you have to work :)

Answer 6

I'm a lone parent with three children and a full-time uni student.  Although I'm at home while they are off during the holidays due to uni and school summer hols coinciding, I DO understand the guilt the rest of the time.

Why not sit them down and ask THEM.  In a non-challenging,non-confrontational fashion, tell them you share their frustration at not spending time together and ask them how you all as a family can work it out.  Not only might they come up with unusual ideas but it lets them see YOUR difficulties.  Here's a couple of ideas:

1. Have a family sleepover; either in your bedroom, or the livingroom - get sleeping bags, a movie borrowed from a friend or library, popcorn, torches'n'scary stories, oh and a mid-night feast (doesn't need to be mid-night, and you can be careful with the 'feast').  Your kids'll think your fun, you still get a sleep AND you've spent time together with no added cost.

2.  Your a student - have them set you a Mastermind game, have them set the scene (you get tested on your knowledge, the kids get to see how much you need to know and how important it is).  You could even have them sit in the hot seat!

3.  Buy small blank canvas's from Au Natural etc, one for each family memeber, decide on a theme: frustrations, time, summer, holidays and let everyone paint their own interpretation.  Leave them to dry, once hung in the hall or wherever, invite family/friends for a 'grand showing' with light-bites & tipples.

These might not be ideas that you're looking for but just remember you are doing a fabulous job of raising them whilst studying too.  Drop the guilt you feel, DON'T allow them to think they are able to make you feel guilty, 'cos when they are old enough they will soon realise all the hard work you have put in for them.  Don't think time, think quality.  Good luck in your highly regarded career choice :-)

Answer 7

i almost fall in that trap myself but then i remember that when we were kids we didnt have the xboxes, 150 channels of tv, quick microwaveable dinners, etc......

we had our bikes, friends, siblings and figured out things to do and even with that we were bored many times too.  it's the way it goes.

do what you can but you shouldnt be expected to provide 24 hour entertainment.

Answer 8

You are doing the best you can for your children don't put yourself down or feel guilty, many mothers who are with their children full time probably do not put in the effort that you do! In the long run of things they will benefit from your efforts so as long as you give them plenty of cuddles do not let them get to you over this!

Answer 9

just want to give thumbs up to all the single moms your the bomb....

Answer 10

Do not feel guilty, you are doing the best for them in the long run.  When you have qualified you will be able to provide for them with a good salary.  I bought 2 0f my 4 children while working as a single parent and they didn't come to any harm.  At least I could afford to send them on school trips. ie skiing and a trip to California etc.

They may not appreciate it now but unless you have a generous ex I can't see that they would be any better off if you went on the dole.

Best of luck. Liz

Answer 11

Is there any way that you can do something with them on the weekends? Have them cook with you, or some other family-oriented activities. How about taking them to a movie? Help them understand that YOUR school does not allow summer break, and convince them into thinking that they are lucky to get the summer off. Nobody likes homework and book reports, right?

Would your kids be able to go on a vacation with other family members or friends? Those can be real fun, and make them forget that you are busy.

If none of this works, tell your kids to shove-off and get a job 'cuz you're not going to buy them food or make meals for them anymore. That should keep 'em quiet ;-D.

Answer 12

You are a good mother.There lucky you care about them to have them do fun stuff for summer even if you are not with them.But it will pay off and they will admire you more since..You will be with them someday once you have a comfortable living.

They should be grateful not whinning about it.

Answer 13

just keep telling yourself that you're making a better future for yourself AND them by doing what you're doing. dont feel guilty, a lot of us single parents have to go through the same thing. my little girl is only 2 but i still feel bad about not having enough time to take her out on the week nights.

If you're making those plans for them to be going and doing fun things then they wont have a crappy summer. it will still be fun, they just might miss having you around. try to make time for them any chance you get and im sure they'll be ok with that =)

Answer 14

Just keep remembering you're doing this to make a better life for you all.

Answer 15

i put my mum thorugh it every school hols and she feels soo bad..

but we do ago aboard ssoo.. i let her off a lil

but i always gt money for doin stufff

so give somethgings to r kids that wll keep them happy e.g. money

depending on how old they are let them run wild!!

Answer 16

Don't feel bad, you are doing something good with your life and building a better future for your kids.

Explain this to them, and explain that you will spend time with them you can and that you are doing your best to arrange fun things for them during the holidays.

Good luck and keep going with your course , it will all be worth it in the end!

Answer 17

i do not suffer from gilt from going work  parents do have to work in every country  its not a bad thing you no how do kids learn but by example if parents don't work how do you expect your kids to get the diffed on yep work ain't that bad ... there are some many doleites now

Answer 18

Explain to them that grown up's have responsibilities.  We don't get every summer off and that you are working so that they have everything they need.  In a perfect world, we wouldn't have to work during the summer, but in this world we need money for food, housing, bills, cloths, i-pods, school supplies, use examples of things they want or have.

Answer 19

Don't let them lay a  guilt trip on you like that ,

you are doing something for their own good and they will just have to deal with it  suck it up and go on .

ask them if they prefer you not to work or better yourself and have none of the good  things in life .

Answer 20

Your kids would prefer for you to be unemployed and unable to afford for them to go to the kids clubs or anywhere else?

I wouldn't feel bad - and I would tear strips (verbally of course) off any kid who was so rude and ungrateful.

Answer 21

Remember there are 52 weeks a year you have to support them all that time and you do a good job  so they will have to put up with you working  in school holidays  if they want things all the other weeks good luck to you  you are doing the right thing they will see that when they are adults and realise what you have given up for them

Answer 22

I haven't got the answer but I really feel for you. The guilt thing at the time is unbearable, all you can do is make up for things when you do have those odd moments, a cuddle and a hug has a lasting impression and goes a long way. Kids pick up on sincerity, even if they don't know what it means.

Answer 23

Just remember how little people used to have...growing up in the 1970s a day out for me was RARE....I used to just play in the garden! They can have a good time together but they have to try!