World War 2 Poem [original!]?

Question

[[ORIGINAL]] feedback..?

Dear Friend,

I write to you from Stalingrad during world war 2,

I've been hiding for days, yearning for food,

Waiting for some water from the sky.

I couldn't help but notice, we're being invaded

once again. I'd just like to tell you my final words.

You were so dear to me, so kind,

And now I must go and find,

A place where I belong, A place where there's peace,

I'm gonna go and look for somewhere up above.

Although many speak of survival,

I know I'm not fit for this,

I can only assure my family's safety,

As they now belong to you.

Every day I think of them, As everyday I pray..

That this war will stop eventually,

say goodbye to Sally.

I'd just like to tell you something,

It's about that day we spent on those rocks.

When you thought your friend had died,

All by accident, I must tell you now for real,

It was me who pushed him through.

I really hated that ol' lad, He always liked to sue,

But now there's nothing to lose, Here in World War 2

Answer 1

wow thats really good. i really like it :]

Answer 2

Congrats on the writing.

I like the idea of it being a letter.  Perhaps an old letter found in a trunk lost in some attic, found by some Suburbia developer would give it more context.

The poems starts out nicely:

     I write to you from Stalingrad during world war 2,

     I've been hiding for days, yearning for food,

     Waiting for some water from the sky.

I wonder if "water from the sky" could be tears or something to describe the utter sadness.  After this though, you go abstract.  Why?  Stay with the nouns (Stalingrad, food, water).

I want to see what's around the person hiding out.  Fallen bricks?  Debris on every kind, concrete, rebar, pots and pans, dented old cans of tuna.  Also, what is there for the person to do to keep their sanity, while hiding.  An old chess set?  A good book, written in a language you don't speak?

Visualize a bit about these things and I think you will have something very beautiful.

Happy writing.