Worried about my 13 year old sister...

Question

My 13 year old sister Nikki has been doing a lot of bad things over the past 18 months, such as running away, smoking, drugs, drinking, extremely poor school grades, wagging etc.

i recently found these photos of her on her computer and now im even more worried about her.

http://i36.tinypic.com/14lpyrk.jpg

http://i37.tinypic.com/aaupw4.jpg

what should i do about her. she already see's the school counsellor (but she doesnt talk to her) so thats out of the question...

any suggestions :)

BTW: i have custody of her because my parents passed away. Im 20

Answer 1

plain and simple here. Beat her the h**l up. Throw her to the wovles. Maybe that will clear her head.

boot camp

Answer 2

She probaly just needs special care and attention. And like you said you're parents passed away, and that must be hard on her. I would contact a doctor if it is has bad as you say it is. Try and get her some medicine or something.

Also, just spend a lot of time with her. I want you to do something this weekend..I want you and her (and maybe a few of her friends) to go to the movies and the mall this week, and go do fun stuff..because it seems to me that she is rather depressed and headed for a meltdown. But she just wants attention. So, take her out and do all the fun stuff she likes to do this weekend, and every weekend you can.

Best of luck!

She'll be in my prayers..

Answer 3

You should really try talking to her. Maybe an intervention or something of the sort. Make her understand she is hurting you while she's hurting herself.

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Answer 4

i am 18 and when i was younger my parents were there but not physically & for me i felt trapped & couldn't understand why. & i used to do things like right suicide notes.....for attention! it was my call for help. & maybe this is wat your sister is doing. & from the pic the look in her eyes there is alot of hurt in her eyes. have you tried talking to her?? writing a letter to her??? some kids need to be hugged & held & told you love them. just try to reach out to her!!! but i was the same way but ended up soing to jail for a few days and that changed me. so maybe you can try to get her in some type of program to talk with other kids that have lost their parents....don't give up on her tho.

Answer 5

She needs serious help. Don't spank her!! She is sick. Obviously depressed about her parents. You need to bring her to the hosptial. She is mentally ill. Do you want her to commit suicide?

Answer 6

communicate

Answer 7

shes doing this cuz of her parents. she could be mad cuz they died and they were never really close or just cuz she misses them. i use to be this way, i never lost my parents but i did loose an uncle and i was deperesed so i started doing really stupied thing a lot of what shes doing. and the whole time i told my self i didnt want any help but deep down all i really wanted was for someone close to me like my bff or my sis to just hold me and cry with me and them tell me they loved me. she really doesnt want to do this to her self believe me she just needs to cry and feel loved. go to her as a friend or a sis not a parents just see how her day was in a nice and calm voice after she answers then start talking about ur paretns. tell her how u felt when ur parents died and all the good times yall had together. it will be really hard i kno but just try it and she'll start sharing with u how she feels. and after talking see if she wants to go see a movie that night or get a bite to eat.

this is what my sis did with me and it was one of the best day i've had in a long time!

i hope this helps if not then well at least u tried.

Answer 8

i would try going to a different counselor. if you go to a church or something talk to the leader in private to get some idea, i would try grounding her or monitoring her, the picture of her cutting herself is serious and it could lead to a very dangerous situation.  if all else fail, try getting her evaluated by a doctor for depression or something like that and she may need to go into rehab for the drugs and smoking. she may be feeling depressed and acting out as a results of your parents deaths.  you may also want to check into some private boarding schools and try to get a scholarship or discount for her.

Answer 9

She obviously is desperate for attention and is going at it in the ways that seem popular today.

She's going for shock value. She thinks she can, she doesn't feel your authority over her needs respected. Worry about her is exactly what she wants.

If she thinks this is funny and a cool way to get attention, she needs help. I doubt people put on emo.goth makeup a lot before taking pictures of suicide attempts, so it's playing.

Tell her if she continues this, she will have to go into a home for disturbed kids. Then she can see some seriously troubled kids and hopefully wake up.

Seen this way too many times. Always trying to out-shock each other.  

Answer 10

I know this may sound stupid but talk to her.  You are her sister she may open up to you.  Try to talk to her in a non confrontational way.  Share your feelings about your parents passing and maybe she will share hers.

You could also get help from a counselor outside the school.  She may not feel like it is private enough if it is at school.

Answer 11

First talk to her. Then spank her. If she wants pain like a little emo, make her little butt feel some REAL pain with a hairbrush. She will come to her senses.

Answer 12

i'm sixteen, so i think i understand what ur lil sis is going through. the goth makeup is nothing to worry about... a lot of teens go through an alternative phase. now the cutting? that's a big issue. first, find out if she really cut herself. if it was a posed fake pic, that's still bad but not as huge. if she did, ur going to need to put her in therapy, which she needs anyway. seriously.... that's the only way to deal with it and it'll help other things too (she'll refuse, of course, but she needs it) catholic schools are often worse as far as drug use goes, unless the public school is in the city, it probably wouldn't matter. take away priveleges, no friends (idk if she has them), no computer, etc. since she has no parents, u'll have to play that role for her, which i'm sure you do, but the best things to get her into therapy, invest the money. eventually she'll talk. it's hard to deal with ppl u love destroying their life.

Answer 13

Hey-

Have her email me, I can help her. [e-mail].

Please give her my email, hopefully she will respond to it, because I can totally help her.  

Answer 14

WOW!!!!!!!!! Sit down and tlk 2 her and tell her wats shes doin wrong and that u really love and care about her

Answer 15

You're her Big Sis.

You should know her better than anyone.

Go to her ask her what is going on in her life.

Be involved.

Have a day where its just you and her.

Tell her when things go bad you'll be there.

Ask her if she wants to be in counceling. If she doesnt you cant make her.

Well you can, But you'll be paying for her to sit and stare at the wall.

And Most of all, Love her. And let her know you do.

Answer 16

that's terrible. maybe you should talk to her and give her a fresh start in life by taking her places. and the important thing is, make sure she doesn't kill her self and keep a good eye on her

Answer 17

personaly, your in a big situation, option 1) talk to her and ask her wat is wrong and why she is upset, do NOT mention depressed, turning emo, and treat her with love, care, and respect all day everyday. after that if it stops then dont fret, could and mostly was just a phase, if it doesnt try talking to theropists, not for crazy people just say she has been cutting herself and doing things like  such as running away, smoking, drugs, drinking, extremely poor school grades, wagging etc. over the past 18 months, they will know what to do. remember watch what are in the drugs if any are prescribed.

Answer 18

ok. It is extremly hard to get her off of drugs and that c**p once your hooked. If it gets to a certain point send her to rehab

Answer 19

you need to explain to her that she needs to start acting her age and not nobody else's and ask her what would mom and dad do if they found out she was doing all that hang out with her more and stuff explain to her what that stuff could do to her I'm not saying this to be mean but get her in some help classes ok if that don't work she has to suffer for herself cause you told her all that you could

Answer 20

Tell her how it makes you feel when she acts that way. It will probably help her more because its coming from you a person she trust not some stranger she doesn't know... if that doesn't work you might just have to let her learn on her own, but hopefully it won't come to that!!!

Answer 21

Jesus!!!

That's horrible.

She's only ******* 13??

Drugs??

d**n.

GO find an amazinggg therapist.

Right away,

Spend alot of money on it too to make sure she gets all the help she can get!- and honey, she needs alot of help...

: /

Answer 22

Those pictures are only the start.  She looks beyond her years.  Being in the medical field I can only suggest that at your young age you need help with her.  First I would take her to a doctor get her checked out.  I would then go the court and ask for help.  The are many programs out there that she can get help with.  I highly suggest she goes to a program that will keep her 24/7 for at least 60-90 days.  You are not going to be able to handle this alone.  She is self destructing and what will happen if you try and and handle this yourself is you will go down with her.  You are only 20 and you love her but you have to get professional help or in the future because there will be no turning back.  

Answer 23

It's a stage. Lots of teens go through it.  Did u show ur parents the photos?

try bringing it up in conversation with her, try reverse physcology- ask her what she does for fun with her friends and act like ur interested in the things she is doing, and maybe she will tell u why she does them. Act like ur on her side.

Answer 24

Self-cutting, although it sounds painful, isn't always.  Self-cutters, if you can believe it, cut to feel alive and need that rush.  It's good that you care so much about your sister and I'm sorry to hear about your parents. If your sister is actually self-cutting, she may not realize that by inflicting pain on herself, she is also causing you pain. I agree with some of the other comments.  Talk to her, have a real heart-to-heart conversation with her.  This isn't a problem that will necessarily go away.  Try to channel her energy elsewhere, maybe?  Caroline Kettlewell wrote a book on her experiences with self-cutting and she wrote a very graphic detailed account of her life.  I found it a bit disturbing, but it was all about her, drugs and self-abuse.  I'd recommend reading it, or parts of it, to get an idea of what might be going on inside your sister's head.  Don't just get help for your sister, but make sure you have a steady support group for yourself too, caregivers have it tough too.  Take care, good luck.

Answer 25

tear drop tattoos usually commemorate murders one has committed, but it looks like she's only trying to kill herself. You must do everything you can and get her therapy. Switch her schools get her out of that neighborhood. And after you've done all you can, you cannot let yourself feel guilty if it doesn't work. Its her life and you cannot make someone change they must want to change.

Answer 26

Your sister needs some real help.  Better get it for her before it is to late.

Answer 27

Im sorry for your loss.

Something really needs to be done,and i know her being the age she is,shes probably going to push away any helps she gets,bc she wants to feel in control,i had many many freinds who whod do drugs and run away at that age also,and bc of thery problems.

is she hanging out with any certain freinds that may be leading her to this??

You also need to put alot of disipline on her and not only bc shes your younger sister make her feel like theres no one to "BOSS" her around,

also 13 is the starting age when teenagers start to rebel.

Answer 28

first thing to do it talk to her one on one

ask it something is bothering her

help her through this take her out spend some time with her

just don't blame yourself for anything

Answer 29

you should talk to her not as an older sister or a parent as a friend  

Answer 30

Talk to her...

Don't invade her privacy by going on her computer. Yes it's good you found this... it could be make belive... or a lifestyle choice... but it could be an issue

Explain to her she has plenty of time for s*x, drugs n alcohol when she's left school... ask if she misses mum n dad... im sure you do...  it might be her way of trying to cope. tell her that she needs to focus on her grades... she wants a job when she's older right?

but also you have to remain her big sibling.

therapist? what the h**l? no thats not the way... people need to talk more...

oh... and dont forget yourself... maybe goin out and doin a bit of what she's been upto might help you get into her mind... or at least relax you a bit for the talk (just use your brains)

Answer 31

anyone who takes pictures of themselves cutting their wrists need to see someone not about being depressed but about their corroding behaviour and personality. its an attention thing, we all know it, and then they deny they do it for attention completely, but even THAT is getting the attention they want, although depression will certainly be an element involved, but not the main one to target.. to fix depression, you dont 'fix' gloomyness, you resolve whatevers making you gloomy. the sinister look your sister is involved in just encourages it, the entire scene is a complete disaster for making people JUST FEEL WORSE.

in all reality just be lucky your not like that, i would suggest you confront her and say what you need to say, if you had the money, an onsight psychologist / shrink could be beneficial for when she got back, then you could say to her that your worried and shes heading in the complete wrong direction and that uve called for professional help, but you dont have the energy or sympathy to help her.

this lets her know that your trying to help on a professional level, not a personal level, which i think is important with girls like your sister.

im sure this wont last forever though, but until she gets over whats happened and stops feeling sorry for herself (and wanting to show the world she feels sorry for herself) then it might be too late, so she needs to realise now just how pathetic shes beeing.

a good psychologist knows how to fix this, they will bring these characters back down to earth.

in effect, they find comfort in misery and are scared to leave it, because for them, it feels sort of like getting used to standing up on 1 legs instead of 2, and not wanting to change even tho itl be better for them, but they have to see it for themselves to understand.

its all about stubbornness really, a psychologist knows where to target and how to change it, from the outside, it seems like a big mysterious mess, but once you understand exactly whats going on inside their head you can TOTALLY use it against them and turn it all around, sometimes making them completely crack and disregarding their own ways entirely.

but i would suggest professional help if you can afford it.. the first step for your sister would be to make her realise she has a problem.

hope it gets resolved somehow, if your tackling this yourself just try and imagine yourself in her shoes, and imagine being stuck in a big warm black box i like to call 'the emo box' and the ways to crack it open and get back into the light.

dont clean up after her, make sure shes doing things and keeping pro active, yknow.. target the little things that will make her become a better person and eventually teach her to pick her self up.

good luuuck