Worthy Poem?

Question

His Fate

His fate was one of anguish;

The melancholy arabesque

Trilled by a cricket

Before hurling into the

Avid hands of death

His fate was not of death

But a perpetual h**l

Produced by himself

And the apparitions of his

Unwholesome imagination

His fate was the hours encaged

in a sacrilegious abyss

Eloped with the darkness

An unholy matrimony;

Attended by none

What can I do to improve this poem and make it sound darker?

Answer 1

I think it is amazing just the way it is: delightfully dark and a thrill to read. Thank you for posting this!

btw: "The melancholy arabesque" is just GENIUS.

Answer 2

I loved this whole poem, and thought that it was really dark. Also, I loved how you used such unusual words; however, when I got to the last line, 'Attended by none', I didn't like it. I think you can subsitute something else for none.

Overall, if you were aiming for dark and morbid, congragulations!