Wot do you do in these situations/ how do you handle it?

Question

10 POINTS FOR BEST ANSWER

1) wot do you do wen your child has a tantrum in public?

2) how do you handle disaproving stares?

3) have you given your child chocolate and if yes at wot age and why?

4) which do you think is better for a child- to have a stay at home parent or to be put in nursery/ day care and why? and at what age?

5) what is the best age to start a family and why? what is the worst age and why?

6) when you had your baby did you fall in love in an instant or did it take time?

7) how do you handle people always giving advice and what do you do when its all conflicting eg different theories-

8) when- if ever do you feel confident as a perent and how do you know what you are doing is for the best?

9) do you think smacking a child is ever ok why/ why notand have you done it and why?

please be as honest as possible, as im just curious and not being judgemental THANKS! 10 POINTS FOR BEST ANSWER! BYE!!!

Answer 1

1.  remove them physically from the scene (to the car or somewhere away from everyone)

2.  ignore them

3.  when they're old enough to billy-goat to my bowl of ice cream/cereal

4.  whichever allows for a more sane parent - for me it was daycare @ 6 weeks, my sister was stay at home for 2 yrs.

5. no particular number - whenever the birth control fails or you feel physically/mentally able.

6.  took some time

7.  smile, nod & go with whatever your doctor/mother (whoever you trust) and your own instinct says.  be polite,  you may need to use these folks as babysitters :)

8.  you'll  have spurts of both confidence and uncertainty - depends on the situation.  you may never know you're doing is best.  if you're lucky, you'll see evidence a little at a time as the years go by.

9.  I've smacked as a last resort - mainly super danger situations -- outlets / sharp & hot things.  A simple no doesn't always suffice and putting a kid in time-out for trying to touch something doesn't make sense to me.

Answer 2

I'm assuming all of this, since I have no kids yet.

) If I was in a place like a supermarket, I'd go the next aisle.  Let them scream (obviously, not too far).  If you're at home, start laughing at them or ignore them completely.

2) One-finger salute

3) I would probably feed them chocolate as early as possible

4) To each his own.  I don't think there's anything wrong with a reputable day care.  I'm definitely not staying home or marrying someone who does so...

5) Best age: whenever you're emotionally and financially secure.  Worst age: any age when you're still selfish, broke, or thinking in terms of "me, myself, and I" (this age varies from person to person)

7) Follow your heart.

9) No, I don't think spanking is ever acceptable, unless, of course your child hits you or someone else, in which case I'd hit their hand or arm (swatting butt=weird and sick).  Spanking sends the message that anyone bigger and stronger than you can get their way by hitting.  It also teaches kids that acting out physically gets results.

EDIT: Heaven's Mommy

I'm 22, can you still adopt me?  Seriously, you sound so nice.

Answer 3

1) what do you do wen your child has a tantrum in public?

I correct them the same as every other time. If the learn 'hey when i throw a tantrum in public i dont get in as much trouble' then thell only throw tantrums in public... wich i think is embarresing

2) how do you handle disaproving stares?

Look away. its all a game and they enjoy getting a rise out of you. if they dont get the attention they want thel stop cause whats the point if they dont get atention

3) have you given your child chocolate and if yes at what age and why?

Age 3 when i started potty training as a reward

4) which do you think is better for a child- to have a stay at home parent or to be put in nursery/ day care and why? and

at what age?

well, it all depends. daycares are a good way to help your child make friends and learn to share and be social, but stay at home moms are good if your child has seperation angsiety. though i still think childcare services are best its up to you

5) what is the best age to start a family and why? what is the worst age and why?



best: beetween age 20 and 25 becauseyour mature but still young and have a long life ahead of you

worst: before age 20 because your still youn and the relationship might not last, which is bad for your child

6) when you had your baby did you fall in love in an instant or did it take time?

instantly. the baby was a part of me of course i loved him/her

7) how do you handle people always giving advice and what do you do when its all conflicting eg different theories-

i have my syle of parenting and unless they realy make a point i am me and will parent my child as best i can and dont care what anyone thinks

8) when- if ever do you feel confident as a parent and how do you know what you are doing is for the best?

I try to always be as confedent as possible and i just hope for the best

9) do you think smacking a child is ever ok why/ why not and have you done it and why?

I consider it as child abuse and wrong. nothing against anyone that does  but i personaly think its wrong

Answer 4

1) firmly let them know their behavior is unacceptable, and take them to the car or other private place to calm down.

2) Ignore

3) Yes! Everyone needs a little treat!! Age: parent's discretion.

4)Stay at home parent is IDEAL!!! Sometimes that is not possible. Day care helps children develop relationships with their peers! I would definitely try to stay at home for the first few years to bond.

5) That depends on the individual. Some people are never mature enough to have children.

6) LOVE A FIRST GLANCE!!!(with my 3 children, and my 4 grandchildren!!!!)

7) Listen to what people have to say, then do what you think is best!! Sometimes when we listen to other people, great advice can teach and help us!!

8) I feel confident in knowing that I give parenting and grandparenting  the best that I can!

9) It depends what it's for and how often. Smacking a child when they run into the street  hurts less than getting hit by a car or truck. But, smacking  in place of good disipline , will never work!

Answer 5

1. Depends on situation. It’s not just god given event. It has it’s roots in your behaviour prior to incident, too. It is also kid’s way of getting your attention. Every child is a different person, so try to find what’s causing it and what’s triggering it. Maybe you are not spending enough time with the kid in general (regardless the reason and by his/hers needs). My kid (one of three, 2.5 years old) has it always when we arrive somewhere and need to get out of the car. He wants to drive on, because he likes it. So he screams on and on, sometimes for 20-30 minutes. It is a black mail, so, I think, you should never comply, because he/she will find it very effective to get what he/she wants. Most effective way I found is to take him in my arms, talk to him calmly and try to get his attention pointed to something else, a toy, a cat, a bird or a car passing by. It’s just like any other situation: you should try everything except yelling, threatening, punishing the kid or using the excessive force.. It will only make the situation worse. Sweet talk him/her, be gentle, loving, apply some force to keep him/her in arms or in one place. If child is to big to be carried around, sit down on the floor (in supermarket or whatever) and try to calm him down.

2. It does not mean that you are a bad parent. And it’s not anybody else’s business. In such situation, I am fully focused on the child and I ignore everything and everybody else. Within normal limits, of course. Meaning, I will not stop and talk to a child in a middle of the road or something and will not neglect other child with me.

3. Yes, at about one year. Why? No particular reason. Every child is also an explorer. It was normal like giving her/him anything else to eat for the first time. Why at that age? Baby is not fully developed organism, so if you give it something too early, it can cause digestion problems and/or allergy, so there are limits until when you are not supposed to feed him/her something. I give them sweets and chocolate occasionally, as a treat.

4. I am blessed with three children, so I get to stay at home with them until they are 38 months old. I think it’s much better for them to have one “stay at home” parent. If possible, I think that first three years are the most important in a kids life, so I plan to send them to kindergarten at the age of four.

5. Two persons in love usually start the family. There is no best age or worst age. Every age has it’s advantages and  disadvantages. If you are young, you will lack money, experience, maturity, but will have strength, health and ability to adopt quickly. If you are over 30 you will not have much time due to your career, and maybe still will not have enough money, but will be more experienced and mature. If you are over 40, you will probably have money, and maturity and experience, but then, you are not that young and strong and healthy. It will be more difficult, especially with night needs of a small baby. Over 50, maybe you will have everything, even can afford someone to help you, but then again, maybe you will not be able to have kids. Also, the older you are making babies, it gets more risky for baby’s health. So, best age to start a family is when a couple loves each other. And when it’s legal, of course. 

6. Worst age would be if one of you is a minor.

7. It’s individual. I needed sometime. About 5 minutes.

8. People tend to help, but remember, “a road to h**l is paved by good intentions”. Read a book. Educate yourself and then make your own decision and try to make it in child’s best interest. People (i.e. mother) will always give you advice, no matcher what. Important is that you know what are you doing and that you are sure about it. That way people will think that you are smarter one and will talk less. Remember, no matter how annoying, they are merely trying to help, so do not loose your temper. So, listen to the people you care for and trust.

9. It’s very simple. I feel confident when I see the positive outcome of my action. “How do you know what you are doing is for the best?” You don’t. Keep learning and hope for the best. With god’s help you will succeed.

There is a story I try to keep in mind:

It was a spring day. Man wearing a hat and a coat was walking down the street. The Wind and The Sun were looking at him. The Wind says: I bet I can make him loose his hat and his coat. I will blow them right away. The Sun says: “OK, when you fail, I will try”. So Wind starts to blow. Man grabbed his hat and buttoned up his coat. Wind started to blow harder and colder. The more he blew, more the men was leaning and tighter he was holding his hat and his coat. Finally, Wind gave up. “Now you try” says Wind to Sun. Sun started to gently touch man’s face and slowly started to hug him and then embraced the man with all of his rays and warmth. Very soon, man took of his hat and a coat and smiled at Sun.

I am trying to be the Sun to my kids.

10. Smack or not to smack? It’s a whole new fashion: “Do not smack your children! It’s all bad!” I do not think so.

We, humans, are animals and have been animals for over 250,000 years. And being aggressive is a part of our nature. Frankly, I think we are the most aggressive spices on this planet. As any other part of our nature, when moderate, aggression is good and acceptable. Because it helps you to defend yourself, helps you being an individual, helps you to excel in life. By spanking a child you will awake some aggression in it. If you do it too much and too often, you will hurt the kid, your relationship with him/her and leave long term consequences. So, same as a chocolate, I think it should be a "special treat". Kids learn aggressive behaviour form TV, street, cartoons other kids, so you have to teach them a thing or two. First: there is always someone stronger than you. A moderate slap on the bottom I use as the last resort, when nothing else works, i.e. reasoning, sweet-talking, bribing or a punishment (no TV, no candy or similar).  But be very careful and observe the results. If there is no result, then do not do it. I have a daughter (4) that I almost never needed to hit, two or three times so far. I have twin son(2.5 yo) that reacts when I raise my voice or finger, very seldom I slap his butt. I have another twin son who very often makes errors when playing I.e. he throws toys at  brother or sister and simply won’t stop. But for him, it’s only a game, no matter how annoying or painful to others.  If I hit him at that moment, he will understand it as a new game and result will be quite opposite of what I want. In a case like this, I do not punish him at all. I take some time and effort and try to involve him in some other game. Later I explain him and other kids that what he was doing was wrong and that I do not wish it to happen again. I hit them only as the very last option and when everything else fails. But it is also accompanied with other punishment, like has to sit on chair for a minute or two, just to cool down. After that we always “make peace” by hugging and kissing and I always explain why I did it. Doesn’t matter if they do not understand it now, it will sit somewhere inside their little head and make the point later in life.

Only, sometimes it is necessary to make the point by slapping the butt, but choose the moment, the reason why and how hard you hit very, very carefully!

Answer 6

1.  If we are going shopping I usually start at home by explaining to my toddler that if he is good he gets a treat (usually a  small box of smarties or his pick from the dollar store).  With this reward system it's been rather easy to keep him from the "I want this, I want that" attitude.  On the rare occasion he does have a tantrum, we take a trip to the bathroom until he calms down.

2.  I honestly don't care if people want to stare.  I'm not going to let a dirty look or two stop me from parenting my children the way I see fit.  I once told a woman who was giving me a dirty look that "if she thought she could do a better job to go ahead".  Not my finest moment but she quickly adverted her gaze and walked away.

3.  I do give my children chocolate.  It's a rare treat and usually starts around age 2 1/2.  Usually all they get is M&M's or Smarties and only a few of them (like the Halloween size).

4.  I think it's better for a child to have a parent stay home.  It's important for the parents to be the parents.

5.  The best age to start a family is whenever you're married, stable and ready.  The worst age is in your teens or over 45.

6.  It was instant love with all my children (both adopted and born to me).

7.  I take it with a grain of salt.  Everyone is going to think their way is the best way...but only you know what is right for you and your family.

8.  I always feel confident.  I am consistent and have wonderful children who are healthy, happy, smart and thriving.

9.  It's not for me to say what is right or wrong for other familes.  For me, I do not smack my children.  Hands are not for hitting, they are for hugging, sharing and caring.

Answer 7

1.  I take them to the car or a more private place and swat them on the butt.

2.  I let it roll of my back.  I'm the parent and know my child and what works and what doesn't.

3.  Yes my son has been eating chocolate since he was 5.  He loves chocolate chip cookies.  I don't think a treat once in awhile will harm a child's health.

4.  I prefer to stay at home to have a better bond and teach my child about everyday life.  When I have to leave him nursery are good so he can interact with other kids his age.

5.  The best age is when you are mature and ready.  It is different for everyone.  I didn't want to start after 30 since each year the risk of down syndrome goes up and I want to be healthy enough to run around with him.

6.  Love at first sight.  I was in love with his ultrasound pics.

7.  I tell them I appreciate their advice and tips but my methods have been working fine.

8.  My child is happy, health, and smart what more could I ask for.  

9.  Yes smacking on the butt isn't going to hurt a child, in fact I think it hurts the parent more.  My child when he was younger didn't do time outs because his attention span was short.  A swat on the butt got his attention and he learned not to do whatever it was again.  I would never hit or leave a mark and if I felt I was to mad I would walk away and let the situation go or have my husband discipline him.

Answer 8

1) Kids throw tantrums for attention or to embarrass you, so I embarass them back. I pointed once the child and said out loud to everyone around "Look at the little noisy girl! Look at the little noisy girl!" She got so embarrassed that she immediately stopped and never threw a tantrum in public again.

2) I ignore disapproving stares. Everyone will disapprove of something. Get over it, I say.

3) Yes! I don't allow kids to eat too much sugar, but an occasional snack is fine!

4)  I personally do not like the idea of someone else taking care of my children, so I work out a work arrangement where either spouse works from home, and the grandparents occasionally babysit.

5) I don't know if there is an age, but it better be after you've partied all you needed to, and accomplished (or are in the process of accomplishing) some of what you wanted!

6) Its instant

7) I say, "thank you" and change the subject if its unwanted advice.



8) Does any parent KNOW what they are doing? lol

9) I do - i don't believe in beatings, but i sure as h**l believe in threats lol. My brother and I grew up hearing "If you don't stop now, wait until I tell daddy!" We were pretty well-behaved children!!!

Answer 9

1- try to deal with it with minimal fuss

2- Glare back or just ignore

3- Yes, 18months old, trying it wont hurt

4- Neither, it really depends on the situation, but i would say sah mom, its always better to bring up your child if you can

5- Again depends on the situation of your current life, i was in my 20's

6-Yes love at 1st sight!

7-I just listen and tell them my opinions too, but always go with my instinct

8- I think i took to being a mom naturally, it an instinct, i know its for the best as it works and i have a happy baby

9- Smacking wont work, i tried a tap and it just learns them to hit out. Explaining is a better way of teaching right from wrong, i think so anyway.

Answer 10

1. Remove them from the situation -- yes it means I leave the restaurant and my food gets cold or I miss part of the movie but that`s life.

2. Stare them down. Whatever dude. Seriously I have found with an autistic boy that I simply cannot let people get to me.

3. Hmmm...probably not before their first birthday or after because I figured it was too hard to digest before that. Usually for first birthday they had apple cake or carrot cake with whole wheat flour so it might have been closer to age 2 before they really had candy or refined sweets like that.  I don`t really remember even with the five year old. I do not strictly regulate their food now but make sure the meals they get are healthy and we have healthy choices on hand for snacks so that treats -- like smores outside at our nightly bonfires -- are no big deal.

4. I think a mixture is good. I like my situation -- working from home on the computer (I am a newspaper reporter/freelance writer/graphic designer). That way there is no issue if the kid is sick or whatever and I am home for the summer but I am still bringing in money and I do go out for the occasional meeting and whatever.  I have been a SAHM and I have worked full and part time. I think kids benefit from being around other kids and I was grateful that my youngest son could go to pre-k at age 4 before he goes to all day kindergarten this year.  My older kids did fine in daycare/preschool and it had some benefits but I prefer to be around for them. And now that my oldest is 15 he should not be alone at home (he is autistic) but there is no one else to watch him either so I need to be home.

5. I don`t think you can truly plan children -- you have them. I had my oldest at 21 and youngest at 31 and there were benefits to each age. The optimum age for me was having my daughter at 24. I was young but not that young -- had been married a few years -- had been working -- etc.

6. Instantly!!!!!

7. I tell them to f*ck off. No actually I let it slide off me. I do enough reading and research on the Internet about raising kids the way I feel mine should be raised that I am pretty confident in my choices and my happy and loving kids reflect that. When I ask (or read a question on YA) I am grateful for other opinions. It is the unsolicited ones that p**s me off.

8. I usually feel confident as a parent. My least confident times are actually when they are away from me with my mother in law because she always has some complaint about them after having them for her traditional week in the summer. I no longer let her take them over Christmas vacation for this reason -- though I told her it is because I want to be with them for the holidays.  So I am always anxious when they are away from me and with my  husband`s relatives because they always have something negative to say and they fail to understand my oldest son`s autism.

9. Smacking -- as in the face?  No. But I am ashamed to admit I have done it a couple of times to my oldest and once to my daughter who is 12.  Spanking? I do feel spanking is in order in some cases for children who are 7 or under and will not listen any other way or need to be stopped from what they are doing immediately. Children under 7 do not have developed enough reasoning abilities to always be reasoned with or talked to about their behavior and time outs are not always sufficient to send the message.  I do not spank often but I have with all my kids. My older kids say they understood why and do not now have a problem with it; resent me for it (or their dad); or feel it taught them it was ok to hit LOL.  My five year old is still spanked once in a great while and I have seen great progress in his ability to self-regulate his behaviors in the last year or so. :-)

Interesting question!

Answer 11

1) Depending on where we are, we either leave (if its something fun like the park or something) or if its an errand, I tell them firmly to stop and place them sitting somewhere in a "timeout" until they stop.

2) Ignore them.

3) Yes, they were probably 2 or 3 and it was on Halloween.

4) I think whats best for the child is whatever works for that family.  I'm a firm believe that a happy mother makes for a better parent.  I chose to stay at home.  But I also know of plenty of fabulous daycares.

5) I don't think there is a best or worst age.  It totally depends on the person and their readiness to be a parent.

6) I fell in love in an instant.

7) I always listened to people's advice, and then took it with a grain of salt.  I did what I felt comfortable with and what made sense to me and my baby.

8) I will never feel fully confident as a parent!  I still strive to be better.

9) I have never spanked my kids.  I don't have a problem with it though if others use it as a form of discipline - as long as we are not talking abuse.  I found other punishments to be effective on my kids.  And I can't stand the thought of inflicting physical pain on my kids.

Answer 12

1...i get down at his level, and calmly tell him we're leaving, and if he kicks up a fuss, i carry him out...2...i ignore other people staring...3...i never gave my son candy until he was in kindergarten, healthy sweets like raisins, things like that...4...i think it is for the best, if possible for the child to be raised by a stay at home parent, because there are no conflicts between the way you raise him and the way someone else does...5...nowadays i think as close to thirty as possible would be the best time, or late twenties to start.  any younger and folks just aren't ready for the responsibility and what you have to give up to be a parent...6...i was in love after some time, perhaps because my son had severe colic and it was a hard time for the both of us...7...i tell ppl that i appreciate their opinion, however, if i need advice, i'll ask for it...8...i feel great as a parent and i know i have done a good job by virtue of my son's behaviour.  he is a blessing from god, in my opinion...9...i was beaten as a child and it does not work, it only makes the child tune out, not listen to you, and resent you.  all you get is one angry kid.  i talk to my son like he is my equal.  we hardly ever fight.