Would I have been advanced for a 4 year old kid, or has the world gone soft?

Question

LOL, I wasn't "neglected" as a kid. I was just allowed to go from room to room in my house as I pleased without a parent following me around all the time (unlike my niece). I swear, if she wanders up stairs someone is always yelling, "Who's watching Sandy?!"

And, instant oatmeal doesn't need boiling water. You put water and oatmeal into a bowl, and put it in the microwave for 2 1/2 minutes. Take it out, wait to cool, eat it. It' was probably the only thing I had to heat. Mostly, I would make sandwiches and stuff.

Answer 1

Sounds like your niece's parents aren't in a hurry for her to grow up. Not really a good thing in the long run. Like you, I was making my bed at 4 and taking care of most of my needs alone. I would even vacuum or sweep a room and could water ski on doubles. But this didn't make me fast or extra smart. This made me the child of parents who encouraged me to explore, be self sufficient, take responsibility seriously and succeed in life. As a result, that's what I've accomplished as an adult.

Answer 2

Every kid is different, and every kid - and parent - reacts to having new faces around differently.

It sounds like your niece is a bit behind, and maybe a smidge on the pampered side.  I think many 3 y.o.s can do most of those things for themselves, and most 4 y.o.s certainly can.

That said, there's really no point in judging.  The fastest way to alienate a parent is to criticize their choices.  So assuming you love your niece, it's best to just let it go.

Though I'm not sure I'd offer to babysit.  ;)

Answer 3

Kids vary. My son is very independent but my daughter isn't. Parents also vary - perhaps your sister/brother doesn't give your niece much freedom to do things herself.

Answer 4

I think you and your niece are at opposite ends of the spectrum. I think most kids fall somewhere in between extremely independent (you) and extremely dependent (niece).

I don't think the world has gone soft, though... It's all a matter of parenting styles and the child's individual ability.

Answer 5

My kids could all dress themselves at 3 or younger (I had one who could do it at 2.5). Not sure what you mean by food prep -- lots of things are still choking hazards at age 4, and also, I wouldn't expect a child that age to cook for him/herself -- but all my kids learned not to throw their food before they were 18 months old. I just took it away from them as soon as they threw something with a nice, cheery, "Oh, you're done? I'll just take this away." Also, I put less food on their plates than I thought they'd eat so that they wouldn't have extra (but could ask for seconds). They've all been putting on their own shoes for a long time, but the youngest still can't handle tying shoelaces.

Wiping -- well, I had one that mastered that early, like by age 3. My other two were less good at it, so I did have to have them wipe and then check to see how well they did when they were 4 years old.

I don't let my kids shower alone until 7, but that's only because they are careless with the curtain and make a mess and can't seem to scrub their scalps very well.

You do sound like you were either really advanced or fairly well neglected and learned how to do stuff because you had to. I can't imagine a 4-yr-old doing a good job at laundry, and I wouldn't trust a 4-yr-old with boiling water to make instant oatmeal (which just tastes nasty anyway -- I make real oats for my kids!). My current 4.5-yr-old can get herself a bowl of cold cereal and pour milk if the bottle isn't too full for her strength, but she's not allowed to cook or use the microwave without close supervision.

I don't like it when they eat alone because we use meal times as family times. We talk, discuss, joke, plan, etc.

None of my kids are allowed to go out and play by themselves or with a same-aged chum because kids get snatched, molested and murdered all the time these days. They can go into our backyard alone, though, because we have a locked privacy fence (and a bark-y dog).

Your niece has probably been molly-coddled by overprotective, overbearing parents. They should back off. My sister raised her kids like that and you should see them as teenagers...

Answer 6

I think children have always varied somewhat in ability, and parents have varied in what they expect of their children.

I don't think I would have let MY child make instant oatmeal at age 4 (handling boiling water at that age?  No thanks.)  But she certainly dressed and fed  herself and managed her own toilet needs and bathed herself with minimal supervision/help.

If your neice needs to be supervised to be sure she eats and doesn't throw her food everywhere, I have to wonder if she might not have some unique developmental needs. (I used to work at a preschool, with kids ranging in age from 18 months to 5 -- and all were able to feed themselves, and none threw food around the room.)

On the other hand, we ARE more aware of (and more paranoid about -- depending on your POV) certain risks, so many parents today are less likely to give their children some of the freedoms we had as children a few decades ago.

Answer 7

Kids  are lame and backwards these days, big *** kids in diapers!   My kids at 4 could dress themsleves, take care of all their bathroom needs and wash themsleves, so could all of their same age relatives & little neighbor friends. By 4 they could cut their own meat, my eldest could read at 3 and a half. By 3 they knew their numbers, colors, their address, little songs, plus one of my daughters knew her tap dance rountines, etc.

  I was also a foster mom and a nanny so I know what I'm talking about.

Answer 8

No you were not all that advanced...it's just that you were expected to be independent.  Obviously your niece isn't expected to be independent.   That is not HER fault that is the fault of the people who are raising her.  Her parents do things for her rather than allow her to do them for herself.  At 4 she is still a child and not responsible for the things he parents have taught her including the fact that they have taught her to be dependent upon them.  Stop blaming the child for the way she is being raised.

Answer 9

All children advance differently.  I doubt that her parents have to do anything for her - they choose to do it.  How does your niece act when only you are around?

I have 8 nieces and nephews - and they were all different at the age of 4.  Some were more responsible than others (3 of the girls) and some were a little more immature (the boys and 1 girl).  But, it doesn't really matter - they are all growing up to be beautiful little people.