Would I invite the officiant to dinner in this situation?

Question

We are hiring an non-denominational officiant and getting married in a really small ceremony in the park with 20-25 friends and family present. Afterwards we're taking everyone out for dinner and drinks.

I know usually the officiant is invited to rehearsal/reception dinners, but this is going to be a really intimate dinner with everyone knowing everyone else. I'm afraid they would feel left out. Should I just invite them and let them make the decision?

Answer 1

You absolutely have to invite your officiant to the dinner, if that's what you're having in lieu of a reception or party afterwards.  He will probably decline your invitation, since it's not like he really wants to hang out with a bunch of strangers all day, but you do need to at least extend the invitation.

Answer 2

People can refuse an invitation they DO receive better than they can accept one that they do NOT receive. Unless there is some particular reason you want to exclude the officiant, then extend the invitation. If there is some reason not to include him/her, then explain the circumstances and apologize for the omission.

This is based on my experience that officiants (or clergy) and their spouses are usually social angels at rehearsal dinners, wedding breakfasts, etc, tactfully helping everything to go smoothly.

Answer 3

I didn't invite mine to my reception dinner. If he was my pastor, then yes. But we just hired one and paid $1000. We didn't even think of inviting him.

I wouldn't feel guilty if I were in your shoes (which I were).

Answer 4

My fiance and I are running into this same situation. We've got just about everything paid for and now we're planning the wedding rehearsal. Originally we weren't going to have one, but we decided that it would be a good idea. We invited everyone who is going to be involved in the wedding. That includes, the officiant, the photographer, the dj, ushers, the bridal party, our parents, and grandparents. However, this does not mean that everyone is going to attend. We figured that if we felt these people were chosen to be involved the most important day of our lives, we could at least invite them to dinner with us.

Answer 5

I think you answered your own question.  It would definitely be polite and courteous to invite them, and then they can decide if they want to attend.  I'm sure they would appreciate the offer.

Answer 6

It is proper etiquette to invite the officiant.  Chances are since you don't know him/her and it's going to be a small wedding they will probably decline the invitation anyway.

Answer 7

invite them and let get talking to other people that way they can make friends with your guests

Answer 8

I would invite the officiant and let them make the decision.

Answer 9

I would invite them.  They are usually supposed to be invited to the rehearsal dinner and rehearsal dinners are just as small and intimate as what you're doing.

Answer 10

I think you should invite him/her as a courtesy, but they will probably decline anyway, since they probably would feel uncomfortable.  That way you will feel like you did the right thing, but they won't actually take you up on the invite in that "small wedding" situation.

Normally pastors only stay for the dinner portion anyway, when they DO know the couple.  So I highly doubt this hired person will want to tag along to a dinner out with your family and friends.

Answer 11

Just don't invite them.  Its your wedding right.

Answer 12

I think you should offer to feed anyone participating in your wedding. If the officiant doesn't feel comfortable, he'll decline. Extend the invite.