Would You READ This Please 10 easy points?

Question

http://allpoetry.com/poem/4411411

Her skin is tightly wrapped around her body.

Distorted images run through her mind,Brainwashed.

Her fragile body and corrupted mind.

Who's to say she'll know when to stop.

Self-inflicted wounds mimic an autopsy.

Drop Dead Gorgeous emphasis on "Dead".

Striving for perfection she's dying of starvation.

Scissors slice through her skin leaving painful scars.

Her body is shaking and she doesn't understand why.

It kills her more and more each day to know.

She'll never be skinny enough for them.

Her wounds heal leaving nothing but a scar.

Her skin grows thick and pain lingers in her eyes.

She broken, tired and walking away.

Her sanity is questioned and they pray for her.

She can't breathe her chest is tightening it hurts to talk.

Her eyes flutter shut and blackness she sees.

I Wrote It For This Contest http://allpoetry.com/contest/2413377

I want critiques of what you think of my poem and please use more then one sentence to explain?

Answer 1

That was beautiful, the judges of the contest will make a big mistake if they don't pick you!

My favorite line was:

Striving for perfection she's dying of starvation.

It reminds me of a lot of things...and well, I REALLY LIKE YOUR POEM!!

Answer 2

i love how colorful your writing is and how you bring to life every discription. I was able to picture ever single line in your poem. Good Job and Good Luck!

Answer 3

This is a very interesting poem i like it.it is very detailed of a person struggling for perfection and is not happy with themselves.The line i prefer is striving for perfection and dying of starvation. This explains what a lot of people feel.

Answer 4

Very powerful and kind of explains what most teenagers are going through trying to fit in with a crowd, i dont know if you will win the contest, i depends on what kind of contest it is. Also kind of scary, i like that.

Answer 5

ITS GREAT!! the only thing i suggest is some rhythm... cuz there isnt any whatsoever...

my fave line(s) is

Her body is shaking and she doesn't understand why.

It kills her more and more each day to know

but i also like

Drop Dead Gorgeous emphasis on "Dead".

cuz its funny in a morbid kinda way

Answer 6

line 2 "Distorted images run through her mind,[space]Brainwashed."

line 14 "She broken, tired and walking away."  *She's

line 16 "She can't breathe( , ) her chest is tightening( , ) it hurts to talk."

As for advice, i like the subject of anexoria, at least thats what i thought it was about. Im not an english major, teacher or anything but i do write songs. Not everything must ryhme but having alittle here or there might keep the reader from day dreaming while reading it. hope that helps.

Answer 7

This was a very well written poem given the subject my favorite line would have to be  "self inflicted wounds mimic an autopsy"

Answer 8

You know are really good at imagery but I don't like the content...too gory...try a different topic...:p

Answer 9

This you posted yesterday to receive comments on.  I have taken the liberty of editing your offering to give you a different look at the message you are trying to convey.  Is it better?  No. Just a different version.  I would suggest as a rule, that wherever possible eliminate the unneeded words.  You do not need to make sentences as much as to convey thoughts.

Skin tightly wrapped around her body.

brainwashed images in her mind

body  and mind fragile, corrupted.

Stopping is when?

Wounds, inflicted, autopsy mimicked.

Drop Dead Gorgeous emphasis on "Dead".

Striving, perfection, dying, starvation.

scissors slice, leaving painful scars.

body shaking, she knows not why

each day... killing her more

beauty never hurt so much or felt so good

Wounds heal, leaving scars, thickened,

as her eyes cry the pain within

She's broken, tired and walking away.

Her sanity questioned, they pray.

Chest heavy, breath does not come.

eyes flutter shut, blackness she sees

perhaps now, a final peace.