Would a marriage be considered "arranged" even if the groom or bride does the choosing?

Question

I thought it was, because a "love marriage" is when two people fall in love and traditionally date.

People say arranged marriages are arranged by the parents, but there are a lot of people today that choose their bride/groom WITHOUT formally dating them. Isn't it still arranging to marry someone without falling in love first or dating them for a few years?

What do you think?

Answer 1

I think the main point - definition wise - of an "arranged marriage" requires that someone besides the bride/groom do the arranging.  So it's impossible, from a dictionary perspective, for a bride/groom to "arrange" their marriage.  I think what you are talking about is what I'd call a "mail order bride."  That's basically where a lady publishes that she's interested in getting married, and someone takes her up on the offer... no dating/falling in love is involved.

Answer 2

Arranged marriage is when the marriage is... arranged. XP Rather than a naturally occurring process of falling in love and making the decision, I mean. So I think what you describe may fall loosely into the category of arranged marriages.

I also associate arranged marriage with the fact that it's done for social status and/or money, rather than because two people feel they connect and complete eachother.

Answer 3

Hmmm, good question.

Have you read the Vikram Seth book, A Suitable Boy? It's about an Indian woman whose family is pushing her to marry, in fact are busily arranging meetings with her, and how she deals with traditional expectations and her own desires.

The ting is, to a certain extent, most marriages that are talked about and planned for really could be described as 'arranged'.

If people discuss the sort of life they want to have together, what is that except 'arranging' things? In the west, the ideal of 'love marriage' is traditionally popular, and has always been seen as romantic and somehow perfect, but there is really nothing to show that marriages made by cooler heads are any less successful.

At best, both parties know what to expect from their future partner, and what their future partner expects from them.

I havemet a number of people who have arranged marriages, and all have been very successful, with both partners having a great deal of liking and affection for each other, and a real interest in making their partnership work.

Of course, there is the reverse side, where people who dislike each other feel yoked togetehr, or where an initial liking turns to contempt as the person's real character becomes known over a period of time ~ but how would that be any different in a 'love' marriage?

Some studies have shown that there are a number of factors which help relationships last, and these include trust in the other person ~ even during disagreements; confidence in the partner's motivations and ethics; a feeling that the division of labour within the relationship is fair and agreed upon; the capacity to communicate openly and with confidence.

These are not small matters, and need to be negotiated.

In a traditional 'arranegement', some of these would be discussed beforehand by the families ~ financial arrangements would be agreed so neither party would be disadvantaged, duties and expectations discussed based on the families' knowledge of the parties, and so on.

If people can do this themselves ~ perhaps by online correspondence over a period of time, and they are satisfoed that they can make a life together with the person, to me that is arranging their own marriage, and good luck to them!

Cheers :-)

Answer 4

yes it takes two people to fall in love!

Answer 5

some people fall in love without formally dating. i think an arranged marriage would be a marriage that was done for other purposes other than love or maybe having nothing to do with love. like marriage in ancient and occasionally modern politics. cleopatra and her husbands, they might have had feelings for eachother but before the marriages there was much talk about money, protection, and verbal contracts.

Answer 6

Technically an "arranged marriage" is a marriage arranged by someone other than those getting married. The concept of arranged marriage is that a third party plays a part in the selecting of a partner.

A person arranging their own marriage would more likely be someone who's just making haste.. It's not a an arranged marriage.

Ref Additional Details- What you explain is a true arranged marriage. But forced marriages where a bride/groom is chosen without the consent of the people involved do happen.

Answer 7

An arranged marriage is - arranged, typically by parents, and in some cultures, while the bride and groom-to-be are still young children.  This has absolutely nothing to do with whether grown ups decide to date before marriage or not.  If they're choosing their own mate, then it is not 'arranged.'  The point here is who does the choosing - not whether they're dating or not.  People choose to get married for a lot of different reasons, not only because they love each other and, some even have this choice decided by another as in 'arranged.'