Would a mother feel like this?

Question

This is a bit of a strange question but i thought i'd ask if my mother is reacting normally to this situation.

I'm 18 years old and my older sister just turned 20. We argue a lot and generally don't really get on.

It's just my mum seems to be having a REALLY hard time about this. I think she's lost it... she's just screaming, shouting and crying saying she's failed as a mother. I think that's a bit weird because a mothers role isn't just to make sisters love each other.

The thing is my sister and i do love eachother...we just don't like eachother.

IS this really that upsetting for a mother? Personally i think she is totally over reacting to this. She told me that i have no idea how upset i make her.

This has happened so many times in the past...this exact situation and i can't be bothered reasuring her once again that she's a good monther and my sister and i love eachother. My sisteris 20 and even though she has her own place she still insits on comming home and making my life h**l.

Anyway is this a normal reaction for a mother?

Thanks

Answer 1

It is a very powerless feeling to watch your wonderful children go at each other like pack animals. And she's had to watch it for almost 2 decades, ever since you came into the picture and your sister had to share your mom.

Those petty arguments that you are blowing off, cause exactly the kind of heartbreak, leading to your mothers reaction.

Your mom hasn't learned that she did raise the two of you right, its not her. Its the two of you. Neither of you have the maturity to be able to get along with each other and so you are acting like spoiled little snots. My guess is that you both go running to her with the supposed hurts that the other one does.

So here is what I said to my spoiled little snots when they acted like hateful little children to each other. There will come a day when your mother will be dead and your sister will be your only family. Do you really want to have to live with the burden that you spent your precious time arguing and bickering about stupid things that don't matter when you could have been bringing some happiness to your mother? You don't know when she is going to die, anything can happen at any time. Do you want her to go to the grave thinking that her two precious daughters hate each other?

It takes two to tangle, so you need to stop your behavior with your sister and stop bickering. If you stop, she'll stop. I'll bet your mom has been a great mom and stood by the both of you all your life and you know she doesn't deserve to feel this much pain.

Btw, my daughters are now 25, share a house, while they are in grad school and while they have their own lives, it seems they finally figured out that they need each other. I'm pretty proud of them, but just a few short years ago, I said the very same thing your mom is saying, "what in the world did I do wrong as a mom to have such hateful children?"

Give your mom a break, its time and you can if you want to.  

Answer 2

It is obviously a normal reaction for your mother. Everyone reacts differently, however, I imagine that the two of you not getting along is causing her great distress. So, why can't the two of you get together and call a trues. Try harder to get along, after all when you mother leaves this earth the two of you will be really all you have... Good luck  

Answer 3

This is absolutely normal for a wonderful mother to react!

I am a mother also of kids roughly the same age as you two.

I have sons and luckily have not had a problem like this.  Am I thankful... of course I am!

For some reason I think girls get into these kind of silly fights more than boys do, verbal I mean.

My boys would "rough house" and get it over with and laugh after.

Can't you girls at least make an effort in front of your Mom?

You say you love your sister... well love your mom too and don't act stupid in front of her.  You are supposed to be grown up now, you know.  You two sisters should act like adults!

Answer 4

Yeah, that's pretty normal.  My bro and I are two years apart and we were in our mid-20's before we figured out how to get along and accept each other.  Chances are you'll all grow up some and learn to get along.  

Answer 5

Yes, it's normal.  Your mom feels like it IS her job to see that you and your sister treat each other well and love one another.  Just try to be nicer to each other.  One day you'll both be grown and have daughters of your own and you will see just how your mom feels!  

Answer 6

I love my sister but don't like her too!

It is hard for my mom because she wants us to be a big happy family. I do believe that her lack of morals and values are a part of her upbringing and I think mom and dad know it too.

Neither of my parents are falling apart over it though. Sounds like mom is having some personal problems and the problems with you and your sister are bringing it to a boiling point. Encourage mom to get help from a minister/priest or a counselor.

Answer 7

YES!! I have 2 girls and it absolutely breaks my heart when they fight and hurt each other. You love your children and you want to always be there to make them feel loved and happy, but as a mother you also must think of the future and one day not being there for them and that is when you think who will be, their siplings. Tell mom again you love your sister , just that you all see things different , its no big deal , sisters fight, reassure her , make it seem less then it is, make her feel you have control of your emotions and thought you all fight you love her any way and will always.

Answer 8

ABSOLUTELY!!! My kids are the same way and when they go at each other or disrespect each other I feel like i have failed as a mother. By the way, my kids are grown.

Answer 9

In my opinion, yes, this is a natural reaction from your mother. I have 2 daughters and I'm constantly trying to get them to learn to interract with one another in peace. My rationale is that my daughters should love one another and treat one anther with respect. If they cannot get along with someone so close to them, how can they treat other people with kindness and respect? I can see where your mom is desperate. She feels like she hasn't gotten through to you and your sister about how to treat other people and that scares her. Also, she's poured herself and her values into you for years, trying exhaustively to get you both to listen to her. She feels as if she's failed. Give mum a break, huh?