Would adoptive families be stronger if…?

Question

Would adoptive families be stronger and could we ensure a good fit for children if adoptive parents were matched to natural parents using personality and intelligence tests? Is this done already? Should potential adopters request it?

Thanks for your opinions.

Answer 1

I think that sounds rather ridiculous. You are assuming that personality tests and intelligence tests are accurate and have some value. I completely think they don't and would put absolutely no validity to such a thing. Not only that but children are not a number and raising them and loving them and bonding with them and taking care of them and parenting them has nothing to do with any score on any kind of test. Not only that but genetics is so complex that even if the tests results for the adoptive family were to "match" those of the biological family there is no reason to think that the child would be genetically similar to both. I think the idea is ridiculous and shows a lot of ignorance about biology, genetics, parenting, and even love.

Answer 2

Wow, what an excellent idea!  Yes I do believe it would help.

Some adoptive families are so mis-matched I sometimes wonder how the survive

My own adoptive family was an excellent match for me, more through sheer luck than anything else though.  But it didn't stop me feeling like a piece of a jigsaw puzzle that had been put away in the wrong jigsaw box anyways . . .

Answer 3

i am nothing like my adoptive family!.they are musical and good at math and science.i was good at english class,writing poetry.i was really good at spelling as a kid(not so good now!) i kept my parents right when filling out forms,and checked their spelling mistakes!. i was always in a corner reading a book and my parent's biological kids were busy painting and practising guitar.

What i am trying to say here,it takes all sorts of people to fill a world.it takes all sorts to make a family.and if  prospective adoptive parent's were to look at adoption as a way to find a carbon copy of themselves,then they are really not the right type of people to be adopting.adoptionis about giving a home to a child who needs it,and loving the child for WHO they are,and accepting their genes for being a part of them.

I am NOTHING like my adoptive family,and in all honesty nothing like my birth parent's either!!. i am me and people have to accept me for who i am,warts n all!

Answer 4

Sounds good to me.  My aparents were/are not curious or intelligent.  I was smarter than they were in about 5th grade.

Answer 5

Wow....  I'm not sure how well this would work for birth parent matching.  For one thing, you would have to get the birth parents to cooperate, and some may not want to be over analysed.  Also, as other have mentioned, kids don't always "fit" with their bio parents.  What good is it to match up parents if the kid's an odd ball?  (I'm not saying this in a bad way, I'm definitely the "odd ball" kid in my family - and I was bio and the first born!)  

However, I think that such tests might be of use when matching foster kids to potential parents.  I'm not saying they should be a deal maker or a deal breaker, but they could help give social workers some insight into which parents/kids would fit best together.  Maybe you should recomend this to your state child services office.

Answer 6

not if the natural parents were crack heads or something and got their kids taken away.

Answer 7

Interesting idea. Indeed, early in the 20th century children and adoptive parents were closely matched for religion, temperament, intelligence, and appearance. Placement was often delayed so that the social workers could ensure that the child and parents were a "good fit" leaving the babies and young children in institutions for observation. I disagree with that aspect, but maybe birth mothers could be encouraged (counseled) to select adoptive familes that seem to mirror them. That might increase the possibility that the child and family would have more in common.

Answer 8

It may help to improve the chances of a better fit, but I don't think it could be ensured.  The reason is because one never really knows what genes a child will really end up having.  It could be grandma's recessive ones that just don't fit the adoptive family's personality at all.  

There are plenty of children growing up in their natural homes who don't share the traits of their parents.  For example, I know a man who is 40 who grew up with his natural family.  He never felt like he fit with his family, and whose father always put him down for his interests and talents in electronics.  He is very, very talented in math, electronics and so forth.  He takes after his paternal grandfather who excelled in these areas as well.  His father, however, is an attorney and feels that his son's abilities and interests just aren't up to par.  This man has spent his life feeling inadequate in the eyes of his father, and it has taken a toll on his self-esteem.

So, although it may help to provide a better fit, there still is no insurance of a good fit.  Of course, this is all just my own speculation.  Who knows for sure, right?

It would be the dream of many adopted persons who don't share many personality and intellectual traits with their adoptive parents, though!  I would have liked it.  I was always academic in nature and have musical talent as well.  This did not fit in with my adoptive family's ideas of what was achievement worthy.  They made fun of people who continued their education in their adult years, for example.  Well, I'm one of those people who just can't seem to quit going to school.  I love the academic setting and I love learning new things.

EDIT:

I agree about parents needing to just support who their children are by nature in terms of interests, abilities, talents and general "bent."  Honestly, the best match for an adopted child in my view is an adoptive family who accepts their children, adopted and/or bio, as they are and supports the gifts each one has.  That acceptance goes a long way in making someone feel like they fit, even if their gifts are different from several other family members.

Answer 9

let me say something here- I think it is amazing already how adoptive families , at least the ones that I know, including myself have a great fit- I am adopted and fit very well into my family- and my 2 adopted kids fit with  us- however I know that is not always the case.

Intelligent tests and personality tests however, are not always accurate and besides, I know many biological families where the children are so different from the parents.  Don't think it would work. My husband was not adopted, and he is SO different then any of his biological family. So the answer to your question according to my experience- NO

Answer 10

Laurie:  You would have fit in well with my family!  We love music and are college educated!  

My daughter in the meantime LOVES bugs, spiders, creepy crawlers which absolutely send shivers down my spine.  My husband likes them though too.  I am trying to get over my issue with creepy critters for her sake.

I have issues with ANY parent who does not try to show some kind of interest in what their child likes.  If thier child likes it (and it is an interest of the legal vareity), then the parent should at least encourage that interest.  For instance, even though I don't like critters, Emily has rubber snakes, when we go pick up the dog food at PetSmart, we check out the snakes and mice, when she sees a spider, I study it with her and tell her about it (the scientific stuff, not the scary stuff).  When she gets older, if she wants bug related stuff, that is fine too.  (she is two)

This is part of being a parent; if you can't step up and do this then maybe you shouldn't be a parent.  My husband's father once told him that he never came to his band competetions becasue he wasn't into band.  It doesn't matter, my husband was.  Suck up a couple hours of your time and go.  It would have done alot for their relationship and they are biologically r elated.

Answer 11

That's absolutely insane!!!   What type of personality test would you give to a 14 year old who's already had 2 children she can't take care of.  Who would you match her with?  Any potential adopter who requested it should be denied the adoption process.