Would i be wrong to report my husbands ex to child protective services?

Question

I don't think the children are "abused" as in beat but every other weekend when they come here, they have bruises. Not just everyday bruises, but deep multi colored bruises and they say this is where they got a spanking. They are 5 and 6. My husband always questions her and she has some excuse other than what they say. I know he doesn't want the kids to be spanked this hard but i think he tries to give his ex too much credit and believes her to try and keep down the arguments. Also, he pays child support regularly every month yet she is always calling her saying she doesn't even have money to take the kids to school so they are missing multiple days of school. She has them in the wrong school system so they can't ride the bus. She also always tells us that she don't have any food for them and the kids always say that they eat hot pockets every night for dinner. I know that can't be healthy. I've have discussed this with him and he just kinda tries to justify things. I think i should report this if the kids are getting spanking that leave bruises and are not being nourished properly and are missing days of school due to the fact that their mother won't get a job and take proper care of them. Would i be wrong to do this?

Answer 1

YES ABSOLUTELY do it cause the next thing you know this incident might appear in the news having to do with children dead. dont think about just do it before its to late

Answer 2

Honestly? No, I don't think you'd be in the wrong. I believe (strongly) in corporal punishment, but anything that leaves a mark, let alone a *bruise*, is way, way, way too much. I'd call.

Answer 3

I would. This is abuse...they have bruises! They miss lots of school? Those two things alone would be grounds for an investigation of some sort. Don't do it behind your husbands back though. Express to him your concern for these kids and what steps you want to take.  

Answer 4

You should definitely report them, a spanking shouldn't produce a bruise or they are being hit too hard and it becomes abusive.  I wouldn't tell them about the hot pockets, because they wouldn't care, but the bruises are concerning.

Answer 5

NO you would not be wrong & in my opinion have an obligation to report the "too hard spankings" as well as the missing school. I dont know if you and your husband are in a position to take the kids but that may also be a thought that comes up!

Anytime any child is being mistreated, it is my belief that we all have an obligation to do as much as we can about it.

Understand this may cause ALOT more problems and that you will also need to get pictures and other evidence in order for CPS to take you seriously...but the answer is NO you are not wrong to report it...you are wrong to let it continue!!

Best of Luck

~D~

Answer 6

no i would do it she is not fit to be a mother. The kids need to be with there father and you where they will be save and nurished.

Answer 7

no i absolutely don't think you're wrong to do this. in fact, i'm shocked that if they're missing school regularly, the school hasn't contacted child services.  

Answer 8

I think your husband can go to the court house and get what is called immediate protective custody without calling child services.  He goes to the court house and tells them that he thinks his wife is abusing his kids and that they are missing school, they will let him take them until there is another custody hearing, but she would have to hire a lawyer to keep them.

Answer 9

It will be good to report this but, have you think about what can hap pend. why don't you have a good talk with your hubby and think about bringing the kids and live with you for a while, because what if your report this, they migth take the kids some place where you don't know how are they going to treat them... So why not give it a try and take the kids to live with you for a while and see if they like it and maybe you can take custody of them. If i was you I would do it for the  good of the kids... Best wishes  

Answer 10

My son has bruises nonstop and I don’t do a darn thing to hurt him! He’s a 2 yr old boy that’s just into everything. And half the time he doesn’t even cry so I don’t even know if he’s hurt himself or not. If my daycare had to write up a report for every bruise they found I’d be reported to CPS already. Thankfully my daycare knows I’m a great Mommy and I’d never hurt my boy!

Now with that said, I think you need to tread VERY carefully! Even if the kids are being abused. Because my husband’s ex would know exactly who reported her if CPS came knocking at her door. And you better believe I think they need to be there, but again, I’m not going there. We already have drama, I don’t need even more. I think what you guys should be doing is taking pictures every weekend when those kids come home. Do you ask them about what happened? Write it down and keep a journal of it. This can be your log and if/when the times comes to when you need to use it in court, you’ll have great evidence on your side.

If you TRULY feel the kids are being abused or something is wrong in that house, then let your husband make the call. I just think you making the call could turn this ugly REAL fast. I also think your husband calling could do the same damage. And yes, I realize that if they are being abused you’d rather be safe than sorry. But this mother is in their lives every other weekend….so you’d have to time this perfectly and CPS isn’t all that great with time management. And you COULD put the children in more danger by doing so….

If she has no money, the kids are missing school, why not seek out custody? Get teachers on your side. Get attendance reports. Build a STRONG case against her and take those kids!

Just my opinion. If I were you, I’d start with a journal and build a really good case. Then take her back to court and let the judge rule what’s best.

Answer 11

take some pictures and report him to the cops he will soon have more than child protective services on his hands on his hands

Answer 12

NO IT WOULD NOT IF UR WORRIED ABOUT THE CHILDREN AND THINK THAT THEY ARE BEING HARMED AND NOT PROPERLY CARED FOR YES CALL THEM but wait and take pictures of the bruises and get the kids on tape saying that they dont go to school every day and what they eat because all those things could ruin their future so file for full costody but talk to your husband first

Answer 13

There is nothing wrong with that.

Answer 14

Good question.  Things can get really hairy in a situation that involves children and exes.

I think you would be right to report the mother if you truly believe that living with her is not in the children's best interests.  In fact, some places (such as Health and Human Services-type positions) REQUIRE their employees to report incidents of suspected child abuse or neglect.  The thing is, be certain that you're reporting the mother because you actually think the children are at risk, not as some personal vendetta.

If you do report her, expect a formal inquiry into her behavior.  Officials will ask you questions, they'll ask the father questions, they'll ask the mother questions, they'll ask the children questions.  This event will uproot everyone in the family for awhile, so be sure you suspect a problem before you report.  If you DO actually suspect a problem, I really, really think you should report her.

Answer 15

u should call   if not ur as responsible as she is

Answer 16

have your husband do it -- if there's cause. otherwise you just seem vindictive. they are HIS kids.  

Answer 17

You know sometimes you have to do whats right for your stepkids.

Answer 18

REPORT!  

Answer 19

If, she is having a tough time taking care of the children even with the child support payments, then she should give up custody to the dad until she gets on her feet.

cps should be notified.

my question is, why doesn't the dad seem more concerned?

You, as the step mom, seem to care more about these children then the parents do.

Answer 20

Yes, spanking them doesn't need to be that brutal!

Save those poor kids!!!

Answer 21

I don't think you would be wrong at all.  Children need people to look out for them and if there father doesn't want to look into what may be going on then you have to take the next step.  If it was me I would confront her with him first before I called Protective Services and see if you and your husband could keep the children more often if not for good.

Answer 22

Uh, you're already in the wrong because you've waited this long to report it.  If she is not bruising the children she will be glad to see someone is looking out for them.  If she is brusing them then f her.

Report It.

Answer 23

I think that as long as you do it because you are truly concerned about the welfare of the children, it would be alright. However if you have any other motivation of turning her in other than the kids than you really need to take a step back and look at why you want to report her.  

Answer 24

It would be better if it came from someone else - perhaps your husband could contact them.

I am afraid that if you call they will think it is just the kids step-mother bad-mouthing the ex-wife.

What I would do, is to make sure that you establish and maintain a caring, nurturing relationship with those children, so that they feel safe telling you things that happen when they are not with you and your husband.

Answer 25

There is zero excuse for kids missing school.  Social services would jump all over that.

Also, spankings aren't supposed to leave bruises.  That's called abuse.  If the bruises are from hitting by the mother, that's a BIG deal.

But remember kids fall down and get bruises all the time, so you want to be sure that's not the case.

And yes, I'd call child social services.

Answer 26

The thing here is your conscious, what can you live with, the children being neglected and wanting for things that are necessities, or that you can rest knowing that they have what it is that they need and their custodial parent has been exposed for who and what she is.  Again, it is what you are able to sleep with at night.   If it were me, personally, it would have been a done deal.  God Bless.

Answer 27

The term "Abuse" does not only include physical. This also includes neglect. Neglect includes not providing proper nutrition and education. (At least it does in my state) Call the child abuse hotline in your area. They'll be able to tell you if what you're seeing is something worth reporting or not based on your state's law.  If it is, they'll also be able to begin the process to have their mother investigated and they'll do it anonymously.  

Answer 28

I would call while they are with you so CPS can come look at them at your house and determine if an investigation is needed. Just let them know that you see bruises that are at different stages of healing and are really worried about the kids.  Spanking that leaves marks is considered abuse.  

Answer 29

yeah call protective services,  its your responsability.

Answer 30

Man, I would be sitting my husband down and discussing not only contacting CPS, but gaining custody - immediately!   I raised my three kids alone....and they always got to school, had clean clothes, had all three meals, etc, etc.   Something is not right with this woman and your husband needs to buck it up, grow some balls and protect his kids, before it is toooooo late!!

Answer 31

no, its in the interest of those kids. just report her to em and they will deal with it. no body even has to no its u. but defo report her b4 that bruise becomes a broken arm or worse.