Would it be assault if I farted on an officer who was searching me when his head was at about butt level?

Question

(:* i FARTICUS ! *:)

Answer 1

No, but he'll probably kick the S**t outta you for it.

Answer 2

Oh yes. Assault with a deadly weapon, in fact. Surely you've heard of SBD's?

Answer 3

If you actually done that, your are silliest boy ever, but also are very funny. Im not sure actually if that would be assault.

Answer 4

Nope.

It's considered a job hazard, and they just need to deal with it.

Answer 5

Funny you ask.     :)

I make it no secret that I've done my time. True story: My wife came for a regular visit with me once toward the end of my bit.  She arrived about two hours after lunch, another kettlemac day--penitentiary food is notoriously BAD!  So, we have our visit and she leaves.  Before inmates are permitted to return to the unit, it is policy to perform a shakedown to check for contraband.  It was a busy day, I wasn't allowed to use the restroom before the shakedown, and the cop made me wait longer because I dared ask. So, we're in the shakedown room, just he and I.  It's about the size of a medium walk in closet, no windows, no ventilation.  I'm dropping trou when one inadvertantly squeaks off.  Seriously, couldn't help it.  I'm both ashamed and strangely proud to admit that it brought tears to my eyes.  The cop was literally gagging.  He finished VERY quickly and sent me back to the unit.  I was never charged with assault.  In fact, from then on, whenever I encountered that cop, he just nodded his head to me and kept walking.  Never did do another shakedown with me either.  :)  Tell me there's no such thing as karma.

Answer 6

now that would be real silly of you to do such a thing..at least hold it until the officer is done searching you

Answer 7

maybe not assault but he;d make sure no one was looking and smack you

Answer 8

Don't worry...you'll f**t again, while you're slipping on all those banana peels later.

Answer 9

I don't know butt that would be so funny!!!!

Answer 10

possibly but i hope not. i farted purposefully when i was pulled over 4 speeding & he just laughed, but i don't kow if every cop would do that!

Answer 11

No, and it wouldn't be assault when I searched your groin area, with a closed fist, either.

Answer 12

NO, BUT WHEN YOU FELL DOWN 2 FLIGHTS OF STAIRS LATER THAT EVENING, I WOULDN'T BE SUPRISED.

Answer 13

no it's just one of the hazards of the job.