Would it be better for our kids if i went to live with him?

Question

the short version is...

well im 18 right now and me and my ex have had some problems.like i didnt tell him i was pregnant with his twins, and about 2 months ago he got in contact with me and stuff and we talked stuff out...he lives in boston now and weve both gotten our act together and we wouldnt be living as a couple...he's 3 years older then me and our twins are 2 but im just wondering if yall think it's a good idea, because i grew up without a dad and he grew up without one too so we'd like to have our kids growing up with a dad and stuff and he's earning like $30 hours an hour and i'd be making probably $10 per hour...

btw i live with my sister right now and she has her kids, and her boyfriend and also my other little sister is living with her so ya...

n btw i would have to leave florida which is where im staying right now...

the way we talked everything through though i think it would really work...

should i trust myself and just go up there

and also we'd be renting a 3 bedroom apt.[i had twins] so me, him and the kids would have our own separate bedrooms

Answer 1

I don't think moving in together is a great idea unless you want to be a proper couple. If you do both want that, sure, move in, and take yourselves off to relationship councelling straight away. If you aren't wanting to be a couple, you are going to run into trouble. Are you both willing to stay single until the kids move out? No one would want to get involved with someone who shared a house with their ex! What on earth would you tell the kids if either of you hooked up with someone else? They're almost old enough to ask uncomfortable questions like that.

Answer 2

Living in the same house - i believe is a very very bad idea. It sounds like you are going to live with him, but not as a couple? Or do you mean live in the same area?

Living close by so the kids can see their father is a good idea. But not living together I don't believe.

I watched my mother and father fighting as I grew up and personally i'd rather have no father than seeing my parents fight constantly.

Answer 3

that is a hard one to answer i love to see family try and stay together and work things out but does your little ones even know there daddy you might be hurting them and if the two of you had problems in the past what is saying they are not going to start up again or is he getting you to boston with the babys just to take them and throw you out god forbid. but i can not tell you what to do follow your heart but if you go do not let your gaurd down always keep the problems you had in the front of you mind if you think this move will better yours and your babys life then so be it good luck

Answer 4

That sounds terrific.  You're little ones need their dad.  Good luck.  

Answer 5

I think this is a very bad idea. It's great that you two are talking about this and that he is accepting responsibility for the kids. I think you should stay put! If he's making good money, he can afford to come out and visit his kids. You should continue discussion and definitely let him know you need his financial support. Right now, you have a whole support system surrounding you. If you move, you lose all that. There will be hard times and who will you go to? The twins are only 2, don't make any rash decisions based on emotion.

Answer 6

Do it for the kids, it's about the kids not you.

Answer 7

How about you go get a job FIRST,get your OWN place, check with D.S.S. so he can start child support payments, then you both can date,if after a yr. everything is good then get MARRIED and move in with him.

Living togther in the same house and not being a couple will be confusing to the kids when they see daddy bringing home his g/f or mommy her b/f etc.ALso there will be the jealousy issues in that situation and also you may end up sleeping together again,making MORE kids and if it doesn't work out then your in worse shape.

Remember, there IS a reason he is an ex.

No tot he shacking up, yes to moving htere to be near him but only if you are on your own.

Answer 8

I think it's great that you're putting your children first and trying to do what's best for them. I agree that it would be best for them if the two of you live close together.  It would make it easier to share the parenting and spend time with them. I don't think you should live in the same house unless you get back together as a couple.  It would be very difficult for you and confusing for the children.  Try to work it out so you can have separate apartments.