Would it be inappropriate?

Question

Lets say that as far as you know, your child first parents are 6' and 6'4: (the people you met and have a relationship with)

BUT your son is VERY small.(3%)

If your sons doctor suggested that you ask the first mother if it was possible that the father is someone else would you do it? or would it be inappropriate?

What if asking her, in hope in homes of sparing you child more painful tests and human growth hormones.

Answer 1

Just a thought, but is it possible that your son's taking after someone else in height like his biological grandparents or other relatives?

Both of my bio parents are taller than me but I'm the same height as my aunt.

And yeah, you might as well ask her. Just say the doctor suggested it. Maybe apologise for having to ask, but just thought you might as well check. Oh, and speak to her privately away from the first father, just in case.

Answer 2

Some kids are just born that way. I know a few children that are very small and their parents are not. As long as the child seems to be healthy who cares? If you must bring it up to the childs original parents, just say something along the lines of "The Dr thinks it's very odd the child is so small since you guys are so tall, and is running tests on him." Something like that. If she had this baby with another man, I doubt she'd confess to it.

Answer 3

You could ask, and yes your son should have that information, but it doesn't mean you'll get an honest answer. And even though you're asking for a good reason there aren't a lot of ways to ask that that won't offend her and sour the relationship.  

Another way to ask, and one that might get you more information, is to just say the doctor is concerned about your son's growth rate and how did it work in first Mom's & Dad's families.  My parents are both quite tall.  All seven of us kids were the smallest ones in our classes until we hit our mid teens and then we grew A LOT.  I was still growing all the way through college and two more inches after.

She can tell you then that maybe there is something wrong, or that he'll probably be a late bloomer, or that there are some shorter people in the family...

Answer 4

....why does it matter who your baby's biological father is???

Answer 5

Hi Bella May,

If asking might spare your child more painful tests, then there is only one option, ask.  Blame it on the Doctor.  Get the First Mom alone. Tell her you are embarrassed to ask this but the doctor wants to know if there is any chance of a different first father at all, before he starts the growth hormones.  It puts you in a tough position but its worth the risk.  Good Luck.  I hope everything turns out ok for your little one:)

Answer 6

The child has the right to know who their father is and they also have an expectation NOT to be put through painful tests and injections unnecessarily. Handle with care and tread lightly.

Answer 7

I would think the child's right to know his/her roots would supersede the possible hurt feelings of the first parents.  If the child's interests are the #1 priority, they'll get over it.

Answer 8

I think i would have to ask.  I know that would open up a can of worms if there is another dad and i could loose my child but they have a right to know (if possibel who their parents are ) one Two it may help the child.

parents hight though does not allways determine childs height. my father is only 5'10 my mom 5'4" i am 6'3" like my paternal grand dad and  the rest of my uncles.  My brother who looks so much like me same parents only 5'9.

Answer 9

I would mention to the bmom that the doctor has asked about relevant medical history...and especially the disparity between apparent and expected growth.  Ask if there is relevant history in either parent's family.  She could possibly answer this question honestly without having to reveal anything else.  

In most situations, asking a woman about her certainty of a child's paternity is totally inappropriate.  Be that as it may, this is not most situations.  Since we are dealing with the best medical interests of the child, I think there is real necessity for the question.  Preface your question with that explanation.  

There could be many reasons that a child is not growing as expected.  Your doctor is the best person to advise you about other possibilities.