Would it be ok to change a name in this case?

Question

We have a foster son we got at 2days old we picked him up from the hospital. Mom has 11 kids all taken at different times because of drugs she also has a long criminal record. Dad has a long record we have two concerns One the name is very Ghetto and as a former assistant manager i saw HR manager passover names like his. I know it is illegal but it happens. Two we are concerned about identity theft and them trying to find him. When the adoption is finalize we plan on changing the name but we also plan on letting him know what his name was.

Do you think that was ok

Right now we are calling him J because that is the first intial in the name she gave him and we will go with a J name so he does not get confussed

Answer 1

When our daughter came to us we had three names to choose from based upon the paperwork we were given.  All were essentially variations of the same name and we suspect that the bio mom must have still been high when she completed some of the paperwork (she was 3 days in intensive care due to an overdose at the time my daughter was born).

We knew that the adoption would eventually be going through and we also knew that we were going to be changing the name slightly so we started calling her that name a of her coming into our home.  In fact, the only question the bio father had when learning that the adoption was going through (he consented to the adoption in the first place) was to ask if we were changing her name.  He was told that we were, what we were changing it to and why and he said that he was glad we had made the change for the reasons we did.  

You know it's going through and if you wish to change it then do so.  I think the way you are doing it will cause the least amount of confusion however he's still a bit young to worry about it.  If it was me, I'd just change it although I'm sure others here will have something to say about it.  You may also want to speak with your worker too to find out what is "allowed" or recommended by your agency.

Answer 2

This is touchy. I  know how you feel. My parents changed my name. They said it was for the better. I like it some what, but now I have changed it to something that I thinks suites me better. But sents you are already thinking of changing his name, give him something that he will be proud of. But a name that his birth parents will not get mad over. Good luck to you. And I glad its in the best interests of the child.

Answer 3

In our case, we chose to change our son's middle name because his original middle name could be associated with an abuser of his.  When he is old enough to understand the reason we changed it, we will let him know and if he chooses to change it back, I will support and help him with that decision.  

I think if you are doing it for the right reasons, and he is so young, then you shouldn't feel guilty.  Just always be open and honest with him.  Perhaps you can keep his original name as his middle name?  

As for identity theft, we were in the same boat as you.  Be sure to fight to have his social security number changed so that it does not become an issue.  We had been advised that our son's original parents had sold his original SSN so we were very concerned of identity theft.  At first the Social Security office didn't want to issue a new number - our office claimed that they didn't know how to do that - but once we pressed the issue and explained the Identity Theft concerns, they finally changed it for us - but it took a few months.  

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

If it’s a ghetto name of course, as long as your honest and when he is older if he wants to go back to using his original name he can. He might thank you profusely for changing it

Answer 5

Everything else has been taken away from him.... and you're changing his name because you don't like it???

DON'T DO IT!!!!

The name was the only thing that his mother gave him. Don't deny him that.

He knows his name. He knows what he's called if he's able to get confused.

My parents changed my name.

All of my parents did.

In the end, I went with the one that my b-mother gave me. I don't know why, but it just fits me like a glove and I love it.

Just let him keep his name... Please.

Answer 6

well what is the name he was given?  and its pretty messed up to try to hide him from his real parents... it dont matter how bad they are he should know about them... you cant just go his whole life letting him think you are his real parents

Answer 7

I think that you should leave his name the same.  It is the only thing he has of his mother, and no matter how "bad" she is, she's still his mother.  You can come up with nick names that are less "ghetto", and your son can decide later on if he wants to change his name legally, or add to it.  He doesn't have to worry about getting a job until he's old enough to make that decision for himself.  This isn't your choice to make.