Would it be possible for you to review my work then explain any thoughts and/or feelings it might evoke?

Question

*****

A WET MIRROR

IS OF NO USE

Oh, yes,

I’m waiting here

in pain,

I’m standing by

in shame,

In front of

flat glass planes,

I’ve got a big

plan made,

in stages

rearranged

by rain,

on the windowpane,

let me explain,

As the down flow goes,

contorting eyes and nose

the rippled face glows.

*****

Answer 1

"Hi!",

Ajunker2.. Had a great answer.

yes, sad, ashamed and dripping.

Answer 2

For the life of me, I don't know why, but when reading that my mind went to a song I haven't heard in years about a girl wearing nothing but a smile and a towel in a picture on a billboard near the big old highway.  And of course at 1 a.m. my mind then went to an old song by Lonzo and Oscar called 'I'm my own Grandpa'.  Sleep is eluding me, as you can tell.

Answer 3

It`s a really good poem. You actually painted a picture in my mind, which is a good thing when poetry does that.

Answer 4

Beats vaccuuming I guess. You iron in the bathroom while shaving??! (Living dangerously there TD). Don't try to answer the phone while doing that, or you may have an "irish moment" and burn yourself.

The pain you claim is mainly in the plane.

Standing looking out of a window at a restaurant (or is it an airport?)waiting expectantly for someone who may not turn up because of the weather. You observe your distorted vision in the wet window pane and see something you don't like about yourself.....and decide to have another drink. (I added that last bit because I am certain it would happen)

Answer 5

Good God man, what were you thinking???

In S1, L6, the line break should have been at "flat"!!!!

It made me think of Funhouse trauma.

Answer 6

My thoughts: I really should get up now.

My feelings: I am hungry and want to have breakfast.

At "I've got a big plan made", you really did not know where you were going? I love writing like this, with no sense of direction. You are just being led by the words.  

Answer 7

You are an Erised mirror, TD!

Answer 8

Sorry, TD if this was intended to be an angst-ridden piece elicitating sympathy - it didn't work that way with me. As always it brought a smile to my face because of the sheer magic of the words as they trickled down the page....you would have made a fantastic rapper..alliteration, rhyme - a unique slant on life, it's all there waiting for your career change.  

(Where has the greenthing gone, and old eraser-head?....already I miss them....yes, I know I said nasty things about them, but heck us old uns are allowed to be testy - it's our job)

Answer 9

Sometimes it is best not to look in the mirror (especially while ironing). Dangers lurk when we see ourselves as we really are. Plans change and morph, the world contorts, poetry glows.

Answer 10

An interesting piece TD.

My thoughts and feelings:

It actually made me think.

The finger writings on fogged glass.  There and then gone.

The emotional plans in life, washed away.

Unity of two separates that are the same. (Mirrored.)  

I liked it.  Good job.

Sam

Answer 11

It first awakened in me feelings of pain and confusion, identification with the shame that was only mentioned in a vague manner.  Is that a humorous turn at the end?  It seems ironic.

[My God, I sure as h**l wish I could delete that George Bush IQ add!]

[Oh she looked so fair, In the cold night air, When the wind blew off her nightie!, And just the thought of her standing there, My goodness gosh almighty!]

Answer 12

it's a very good poem. I liked it alot. I write poetry also have have won certificates for mine,a nd so poetry is very good. I loved this one alot!! I wrote one about my misscarriage and its very good also!! Good job!

Answer 13

It evokes in me the desire to read a real poem.

Answer 14

It's good. Great rhythm, great structure. The repetition of the "-ane" sound really evokes the sense of water dripping downward, I don't know why, but it's very effective. And I like that you break the exact rhyme scheme when necessary.

The only thing I stumbled over was "flat glass planes".  Because a plane is by nature flat, you could omit the word "flat" and never miss it.  That would also let the rhythm flow a bit smoother in that first stanza (and you want it to flow, especially when water/tears are the theme). Excellent.