Would it break your heart if your a-child found his nfamily....

Question

and couldn't communicate with them because you didn't encourage them to continue learning their native language?

This is a real problems for many IA young adults because they were not given the encouragement and in some cases the opportunity at a young age.

I understand that many Ap's are encouraging it today but there are just as many that are not. I may not know everything but it doesn't take a nurse to comprehend that this is a problem for thousands of young adults that are looking for their nfamily and has nothing to do with assimilation into a different culture unless the a-parents make it one.

Answer 1

Yes. It will break my heart.

But at this point, he is not interested in learning... and I don't know how hard to push. I have bought books. I have bought tapes. (The books and tapes are really for me, as I want to learn more, too. But I've suggested we do them together). I have found a tutor who would tutor both of us, so we could practice together. I have found group lessons where he could learn with children his own age and I would learn another way.

I have presented these options to him. He is not interested. There are too many other interesting things to do with a Saturday. I worry that by the time he is interested it will be too late/too hard/not enough time to learn, etc.

I could force him to take the lessons now, but I doubt he'd get much out of it if he didn't want to be there in the first place. (Even if he decides to take the lessons, we'd have to make a conscious effort to practice or he wouldn't retain it.)

So...at this point, I'm keeping track of the resources available...and continue to make the offer. Maybe someday, he'll accept it. I hope.

Life sure would be easier with an instruction manual.

Answer 2

Since you you are talking to ME, Independent, I didn't say that that my daughter's bio parents spoke another language other than English so you are just assuming things, as usual.  She was born in the USA.  My daughter is Hispanic and I wanted her to learn Spanish and she wasn't interested.  Would you MAKE your child take piano lessons if she really didn't want to?  If you had parenting experience your questions would be taken more seriously.  Constant critism from people with no experience telling others how it should be is like a clanging bell, or Charlie Brown's teacher:  Wah-wah-wah-wah-wah.

Answer 3

would you rather the child stay in foster care or be a ward of the state until his/her adult life?  the important thing is that they have a secure and loving home.

Answer 4

Hi Independant,

Yes, it would.

We are currently learning Amharic as a family.  Our 2 yr old corrects us frequently, cute.  We would love to be able to communicate with DD's other family when we return to visit Africa.  She is only 2 yrs. so i guess she doesn't have much of a choice.   DD's sisters are so excited to learn her language, so that helps.  I am also hoping that visits every couple of years to Africa will encourage her to continue.  Thanks for the question.  

Answer 5

I think you have to consider that there are some a-parents who prefer international adoption because they won't have to deal with the n-family.

Answer 6

Well I am the adopted child & I use to speak my native language but it has been long forgotten.  I know how to say two things..that's it.  I am embarrassed when people speak to me & I don't know what they are saying as I feel that I should be able to communicate with them.  I know they probably think I've become too Americanized & am ashamed or something but it's not like that all...I WISH I could speak it with them.  My parents did try to celebrate once a year our culture so we wouldn't forget but alas we did...how could we not?

Actually I took the first step this week & asked my parents for my all my adoption information & the orphanage I was at...my mom said sure but I have yet to get any of it...I hope she doesn't take it personally.  I know that language barrier is going to be a huge roadblock.

Answer 7

Well, my children's native language is English.  That's the official language of Liberia and while a few Liberians have maintained a tribal dialect, not all Liberians do, including my children.

Answer 8

It wouldn't break my heart at all if my daughter found her bio parents and couldn't communicate with them.  The fact of the matter is, if she wanted to (or they wanted to) bad enough they would find a way.  In today's world there is not much that can stand in the way of people who wanted to communicate.  There is always a way to make it work and nothing about this question would be serious enough to "break my heart".  

Answer 9

Yes it would break my heart. But like you say "many APs are encouraging it today". That's just another example of how attitudes about raising an adopted child have changed compared to several decades ago. In either domestic or IA adoption I think most APs in this generation realize how important it is to accept and embrace any child for who he/she is and where they came from.