Would my son and I be happier if I just let it go?

Question

Before I had kids (I have two - one is two and one is 7 months), I was a clean FREAK. I would look for anything that was out of place or dirty and clean it up. Our apt. looked like a museum and I just felt like I had peace of mind. Now, there are toys everywhere and dishes are piled in the sink until the late afternoon, etc. It's not nasty, just messy. I used to pick up every time things got disarrayed but that just took all day and I didn't have time to play with the kids because I was always cleaning. Plus, I would discipline my toddler whenever he pulled something out that I just put back among other things that weren't toys. Now, I just let it go because I feel that as long as he is happy playing with everything and I have more time to play with both boys. Someone also told me that I'll wish someday that my house was filled with scattered toys.

I guess I'll have the house back when they move out! LOL

Answer 1

I don't have children yet, but I do think it is important to teach them how to keep house.  Maybe set aside times during the day as clean up times.  Right after lunch for instance, have them help pick up toys and up them away, as much as they are able.  That way you feel a little better, and they learn that it is important.  It should not be the most important thing.  Sounds like you are working out a balance and putting things into priority.

Answer 2

I think you're on the right track. There is nothing wrong with disciplining him for getting into things he should not be getting into, but you also need to let a child be a child. The house will get put back in order once they go to bed and if not, so be it. The house will always be there but these precious years of growth of your children won't. Enjoy every minute with them as if it is the last! Before you know it they will be all grown up and moved out and you'll have nothing to do but clean! =-)

Answer 3

Unclench!  Let him enjoy himself.  I'm sure he senses your discomfort and may mistake it for something that he has done wrong.  My mom hasn't had kids in the house for 5 years and she's yearning for someone to look after.  Enjoy this time while you have it!

Answer 4

I just worry about cleanliness, not mess.  My kitchen, bathroom, floors etc are all clean, beds are changed and the dusting is done.  Mess I just pick up at the end of each day, and I get my 2 year old to do a quick pack away before lunch.  At the end of the day, toys laying around isn't really mess, it's a child's fun, so I don't let it bother me.  I think you should just enjoy the playtime with the kids and look forward to that day when they have their own house to mess up!!

Answer 5

Yes!  Just let it go.  Another clean freak bites the dust!  I'm so happy.  You have learned to be less controlling.  Being a clean freak is a sign that you feel the need to control something.  Now you are a healthy messy person like the rest.  Welcome!

Answer 6

I've actaully turned into a clean freak LOL

Not like everything has to be neat 24/7 but I vacuum all the time and constantly picking things off the floor, but that's so my daughter doesn't eat things shes not supposed to, my husband on the other hand just lets her tare through the house making everything messy!!!

With the 2 of them, I couldn't keep my house clean if I wanted to!

Answer 7

When mine were little I never cleaned up until they were in bed for the night.  I had better things to do with my time (like play with them) than following them around cleaning up after them.  My sister does that and she's not happy.  If she'd just chill out about the mess she'd live longer, I'm sure of it.

Now they're teens though and I'm on them all the time pick up after themselves.  The messes they leave aren't of toys and books, they're of bread crumbs and cereal bowls (and they know they're not allowed eating anywhere but the kitchen).

For 2 weeks this summer I completely child free.  No word of a lie, I cleaned the house after they left and didn't have to do it again until about 5 hours after they got home!  Except for vacuuming (I have cats), dusting and dishes.  No clutter.  Very little laundry.  No cheese wrappers on the floor...it was heaven.  :-)

Answer 8

If it's a worry for you, make them help you to clean it up, but give them plenty of time to do it before bedtime.  I hate clutter and my three kids (one of which is my husband) are clutterers.  But my kids knew that nothing else happened until the clutter was put away, even if it wasn't perfectly put away.  The other thing I found helpful was that if I got a total refusal or denial about putting their stuff away is that I would make those things disappear for a while.

Answer 9

It is true someday you will yearn for those days when your house was filled with the toys and activity of your little ones. But it also very important to teach responsibility to your children. I always had clean up time before lunch, dinner and bedtime just a few minutes to clean and tidy up and have them help me. I would use their nap time as a quick time to do the dishes and take a break. Enjoy your little ones before you know it they will be off to college.  

Answer 10

My mother was a clean freak.  BIG.  HUGE.  The "white glove test" kind of clean.

I never felt comfortable.  I was always afraid I might wrinkle something.  Then when I got older, I was in charge of cleaning the house and would get in trouble when it didn't meet her standards.  I felt threatened all of the time just because I was waiting for her to get mad about something that I made dirty.

My house looks exactly as yours sounds.  Cluttered is a good word.  I almost always have dishes in the sink...I'm always stepping over toys...etc.  I do have her clean her room every so often and ask her to put things away...and when I clean the kitchen I have her "help" (help...ha ha ha) and things like that in order to teach her that cleaning up helps us to find our toys when we want them, etc. but I do NOT obssess over it and I do NOT make it the priority over playing and bonding with her.

My daughter's father is all about having a clean house.

Megan prefers our house.  She says she feels more comfortable here, like she can have more fun.  She's also mentioned it is because I play with her and am not always doing grown up stuff.  (Cleaning, watching the news, etc.)

I have a motto:  If you're coming over to see US, drop by any time.  If you're coming to see our HOUSE, give us two weeks notice!! :)

(In the meantime...I'll be over here playing with my daughter.)

You don't have a house that is unsanitary...you have a house that has children living in it.  You're right...you'll have your house back one day, but in the meantime you have your children - and you're very busy playing with them.  Have fun!!  You'll miss this one day!!! :)

Answer 11

Yea for you. There are mommies that don't discover this until it is too late. A house that has toys scattered here and there is worth the memories of laughter and fun that you have with your kids, rather than the yelling and fighting over playful mess. I agree that a clean house that is lived in is better for us moms than a museum that is for display only. And it doesn't mean that we have caved either. We'll get it back one day!