Would someone tell me what they think of my poem, criticism is highly welcome?

Question

Redemption

The bells are ringing; it’s time to decide, the black is in your blood, spreading its iniquity in strides.

The mask is evolving, into what you’ve become, covering you with darkness, and adding a sliver to your tongue.

Yours words are bittersweet, so seductive and free, they give pleasure to the harlot, while stealing honey from the bee.

The moon cries out, empowering your eyes, to seduce the temptress, with her own white lies.

It feels so superior, this elation you possess, but you are weighing in the balance, and this is your test.

Your wounds are bleeding now, contaminating the well, poisoning society, pail by pail.

So decide now, your time is up, drink the blood or break the cup.

Because only you have the antidote, hidden deep within your soul, to regain redemption before you pay the toll.

Answer 1

Not bad all in all.

The words don't always flow well together. In this kind of poem that's usually more important than rhyming. Some of the rhymes don't work anyway. (decide-strides, become-tongue, possess-test, well-pail) So it'd be better to make sure the syllables run smoothly.

Answer 2

oh wow..i'm not really a poetic person..just fell upon ur poem..

ur poem gives me a kind of goosebumps..well, i'm sure it will effect those that fits the description..

very deep poem indeed..redemption..hmm..the title fits..

"So decide now, your time is up, drink the blood or break the cup."

wait..does it mean, drink the blood as in..keep doing all those wrong stuff that the person is doing *coz i figure since blood is dirty and all..so drinking it kinda..makes u even worse?* or is it the other way round..as in drinking it to stop it from further contaminating the well *society*?

sorry for the really amateur criticism..