Would this be a good story?

Question

Would this be a good story? The citizens of Wonderland are waiting for the day a girl named Alice comes to fulfill the prophesy left behind by a strange visitor to their land...but she doesn't. They wait and wait and wait, and finally they can stand it no longer. So they make it their mission to find this Alice and bring her back to Wonderland, whether she wants to or not. Just one problem...they don't know where Alice is, what she looks like, even her last name. So they embark on a quest to gather the candidates and have them compete to find the real Alice. Each receives a Wonderland guide and has to complete a variety of tasks, tests, etc. Here's the intro:

Her black Mary-Janes tapped softly against the chessboard-checkered tiles as she stepped lightly down the dimly-lit corridor. Candles glowed softly in ornate wall sconces sparsely scattered down the dark hallway.

Where am I? she though, confused and frightened. Why am I in such a disturbing place?

Her tea-length gown trembled then, its mountains of pale lace rustled by a mysterious wind from an unseen source.

“Alice…” a voice called softly, hauntingly, as if from another world. “Alice…”

She froze as icy shivers ran up and down her spin, causing her ornately curled hair to stand on end.

“Alice…won’t you come and play with us?” called the singsong voice sorrowfully. “Play with us, Alice…”

All at once, ten thousand girls named Alice jerked upright, and as one voice, unleashed a scream that could wake the dead.

Is it too cliche?

Answer 1

awesome

Answer 2

When it's done i'd like a copy ;P!!!

Answer 3

That's an awesome idea! It's like those books that retell the old kid stories from a different point of view, and more elaborately...it sounds really good!

Answer 4

I adore all the details you used,my teacher would love you she always wants us "to paint  the story"or something like that .Eh anyways I actually like it and I'm hmm lets say not the biggest fan of Alice in Wonderland.  

Answer 5

That's a very interesting idea. You have a nice style of writing, very atmospheric. I think it would be an interesting question to explore.

I know several re-tellings of popular stories have come out in the last few years (e.g. Robin McKinley's works) but I'm not sure if there would be any copyright issues involved in basing a story on the work of an established author such as Lewis Carroll. Most of the re-tellings I'm aware of have bee based on fairytales of no definite authourship. If you ever intended to publish this, you might find you need to consider negotiating with the author's estate. I have no idea whose intellectual property this is. I know the author who published the sequel to Peter Pan did so with permission of JM Barrie's estate as a legacy to Great Ormond St Hospital.

Answer 6

I love it! It's not cliche at all! The mood reminds be a little bit of a cool book I read- A Great And Terrible Beauty,  by Libba Bray. You should read it for ideas and inspirations!

Answer 7

i love how you used detail on the 2nd paragraph. i think its a great story

Answer 8

greatness flows thy story .....