Would this be appropriate for my wedding?

Question

I am getting married in late November 2008 and am finalising the vast majority of details for the big day. At the moment, there is one hiccup: the father-daughter dance. I will be dancing this with my uncle, who has played a significant role in my life following my father's death when I was a young girl. He has become a father figure to me and I thought it only appropriate I share this very special moment with him. I have choosen the Stevie Wonder song 'Isn't She Lovely', because it's one he sang to me as a newborn and therefore has sentimental value to us both. Recently, I suggested that I have two father-daughter dances, the other being with his partner (he is g*y), as he too has played a significant role in my upbringing and has been there for me ever since my father's death. I cannot see any problem with this, but a few members of my family think this is most innappropriate and have frowned upon it. It makes me so uncomfortable because I truly want to dance with both men, and both have always refered to me as "their little girl". My mother, prior to her death, encouraged me to go ahead with this idea, regardless of what others may think, but I do not wish for this special and momentous moment to result in any form of distress of uncomfortableness to my uncle's partner. However, it is my big day, and my fiancee's family fully approves of my decision. Would it be appropriate to have 2 dances, one with my uncle, the other with his partner?

Answer 1

No, I don't think it'd be inappropriate. It's obvious that these men has had an influence in your life and you want them to be a part of your happy day. I say go ahead and dance with both of them, even during the same song if you'd like to make it fun! It is your wedding and you should be able to do what you want.

Have fun and congratulations!!

Answer 2

Do what you want. I think it is a lovely tribute to two men who have played an important part in your life. Ignore the nay sayers, they would probably keep your uncle's partner away entirely if they could.

If you can't come up with two songs you like then dance with one to the midpoint of the song and dance with the other until the end of the song.

Congrats

Answer 3

What a lovely tribute to your Uncle and to his partner for all they have done for you!  By all means, choose a special song for his partner and have a dance with him.  It doesn't have to be right after the Father/Daughter dance, you can have it later on in the reception.  That way you've honored his role in your life without upsetting those that don't like your plan.

Answer 4

Your love and compassion for these men is so strong I can taste it!

Please go ahead with your plans.  You are dancing, not doing anything distasteful.  I don't know why anyone would have a problem with you dancing with your uncle and 'uncle-in-law'.  If both men are agreeable with your proposal, go for it.

I applaud you for warmly recognizing the value of their relationship.  Those who seem to think that love between two people of the same s*x doesn't count will soon be in the minority and eventually the prejudice will go away altogether.

Answer 5

don't listen to the people who say it's not.  They both are like father figures to you, then go for it! its your day and as long as your husband doesn't mind then do it.  Make yourself happy make it a memorable day in a good way.  You don't want to look back thinking "oh I really wished I had done that dance"  If your uncle, his partner, and your husband all feel comfortable with it then go for it.  I think it's a great thing to do.

Good luck!

Answer 6

Go for it! They mean a lot to you and its your day dont worry about what the rest of your family thinks!  

Answer 7

Please do not let ignorant family members negative opinions stop you from doing this. Your Uncle and his partner are the family that have stood by your side since your were young and that is all that should matter. The others will get over it. This is your day. You can honor whomever you choose and cleary both of these men played a significant role in your life and deserved to have that special dance with you.

I spent may nights in tears before my wedding over family disputes on silly things... And on that day, the only thing that mattered to me was my new husband and celebrating with the ones who I knew loved me most. All of those other "people" that we HAD to invite and most of them were the ones who created those disputes, they just faded into the background.

Congratualtions on the upcoming wedding! You're almost there...Hang in there!

Answer 8

its not at all inappropriate in my view. and you should do what you want. but if your really worried about what people will think, have one dance and just go back and forth between your uncle and his partner. it'll be cute, meaning full, and technically one dance. Just don't do something your gonna look back on and wish you hadn't done. have a great wedding. :)

Answer 9

No, this is your day. you do whatever you want. I think that is very special and who cares what other people think. It is about you and if you are that close to them then go for it.

Answer 10

I think that yes it is your wedding and it is your day...however you do just need to think about how some of your guests may feel.  I have nothing against g*y people or anything but I think that if it was announced at a wedding that this is your uncle's partner it might make some people uncomfortable.

My suggestion is that you do both of the dances if you would like, but just don't annouce durning the reception " and now for dancing if my uncles partner..."(I know you would not say it that way...)

I think that if you are going to say anything before the dances at all you should just say that you are dancing with the two men who have helped you in your life the most...don't bring up the fact that they are g*y.

Enjoy your wedding and dancing and with the men that love you.

Answer 11

its okay, but would be better if you have at least 7 more dances

Answer 12

Yes.  It is your wedding, do what you think is right for you.  Let your heart lead you.  If someone has frowned upon a part of your wedding, then explain why you have made your decision and then they can decide whether to watch the dance or excuse themselves.  You will regret it if you don't do what you want.  The only person that you would even need to run this by would be your future spouse and then it's just more of a heads up.  Do what you want!

Answer 13

  absolutly you should go ahead with this.  it is YOUR wedding, and both these men have played an important part in your life.  so go for it!  your cool with it, both men are cool with it, and your mother is cool with it.  i think it would be a very sweet jesture to show them both just how much they mean to you.

Answer 14

Do it! Whos wedding is it anyways? Weell i honestly think that it is very respectful of you to want to include your uncle and his partner. The father daughter dance, is a tradition in America to thank your father for everything he has done, but equally a lot of brides havent been fortunate enough to have him. But you jhad somebody equally as close. I am so proud of you

Answer 15

How lucky you are! Two special people took it upon themselves to step in and help out when your father passed. Of course you should dance with them both no matter what others may think...it is your day and you should be able to dance with anyone you want. Ask them both and I am sure it will mean so much to them as well. Lucky girl!

Answer 16

If both men have played such a huge role in your life then you should definitely have a dance with both men at your wedding.  let me guess...your family who frowns upon it probably also frowns upon the fact that your uncle is g*y too?  if so then its likely they dont liek the idea because it draws attention to the situation at the wedding infront of others.  this however is your day and you need to do what feels right for you, not what works best for your other family members who likely havent played as big a role in your life as these 2 men have.  

Answer 17

This is your wedding, not any of your guests! you will remember this day for the rest of your life, and I think you will regret it if you don't dance with both. the only thing that would be inappropriate is if you didn't do what you truly desired

Answer 18

Absolutely.

You want to do it.

They want to do it.

Your fiance and his family are on board.

Your mother was on board.

Do it.  You cannot control the rudeness of your guests.  But you can choose to honor your uncle's partner in the manner he deserves.  Your uncle and his partner have lived a lifetime dealing with crass, rude people who do not approve of their relationship.  Their skins are thicker than you can imagine.  Don't let fear of narrow-minded people hold you back from making a beautiful gesture that these two important men will remember for the rest of their lives.

Answer 19

I think it's strange that people have a problem with this. You can do whatever you want. If both men played major roles in your life, then have two father-daughter dances.

It's your day, do whatever will make you happy!

Answer 20

Its your wedding. Do what you want.

I don't think it's inappropriate. They are two men who have influenced your life and who you look up to.

If anyone has a problem with it, it would be inappropriate for them to bring it up.

Don't worry. Have fun. Dance with whoever you want.