Would this be rude to ask for my wedding?

Question

My bf and I have talked about getting married, we were talking about it again the other night and it got me thinking. Every wedding I have been to, there is a little girl for a flower girl and a little boy as a ring bearer...and every time they do something to mess it up. Everyone thinks it's cute, but I don't. I don't want any children in my wedding party, I don't even want children to attend. Not only do they interrupt and annoy the everloving c**p out of me...but during the reception they always get pawned off on somebody else at some point. I want everyone to be able to have a good time at my reception. I don't anyone to worry about kids. Would it be rude of me to ask that no children attend the ceremony or reception? Another little question I had, how can I bring it up to my bf so he won't be offended either? There are no kids on my side of the family, except one of my cousins has a small child. But I doubt he would come to my wedding. Just about everyone on his side has small kids. So any kids coming to the wedding would be his neices, nephews, cousins kids...I don't care too much if they are offended that they can't bring their kids...I don't want my bf to be offended or think that I don't like them. I just reeeeally don't like kids being at formal events. Especially if it's MY formal event.

Answer 1

There’s a polite way to do this. When you send out your invitations, you only invite adults. You can even go so far as to head off the all-too-common problem of additions (i.e. people inviting their kids who weren’t named on the invite) buy wording your RSVP cards with something like  

“Two seats have been reserved for you”

_____Will Attend

_____Will Not attend

I did this and it worked great.

Steer clear of the “I don’t want kids” comments in real life. You can claim lack of space at your venue instead.  Do make your other half agrees with you when you get to the actual planning. It’s not just your day; it’s his too.  

Answer 2

that's fine. we didn't have any children in my wedding, mostly because we don't have any kids in our families. but it's fine not to have them.

Answer 3

It's perfectly fine to choose to have an adult-only wedding and reception. The way you bring it up with your b/f (or should I assume he's your fiancé since you're talking about a wedding?) is you just ask him how he feels about an adult-only event. If he's against it, you'll know, and you'll need to work out a solution that you both are happy with.

Answer 4

thats is so selfish of you... i had my wedding last year and it was formal. but there was so much going on that you dont even know they are there...maybe for the ceremony its ok, but the reception..

Answer 5

First of all, slow down! You're not even engaged yet! Second, you can address the invitations to only those invited. For instance, if his Aunt Betty and Uncle David have 3 kids, don't address the envelopes to "The Smiths", address it to, "David and Betty Smith".

However, your boyfriend should have a say in this too. Be willing to compromise. It might be important to him to have his nieces and nephews at the wedding. This will be good practice for marriage- compromise!

Answer 6

An adults-only wedding isn't being rude. I promise.

However you DO run into a problem: Low attendance.

If a lot of your fiance's family has children, what are the chances that all of them can find babysitters at the same time? I know in my family that other family members often watch the kids while the parents are out. If all the family is at the wedding, who will watch the kids? Chances are that not everyone has a babysitter outside of the family at their disposal.

People DO have a good time at weddings even with children. Most of the time the kids run off and play with their cousins and the other kids. You're going to be so busy anyway that I promise you won't notice them there. But by telling everyone to leave their children at home, people WILL be worrying about kids. Plus everyone is going to leave early to make sure the babysitter doesn't have to be at the house all night.

I know it's your wedding, but try to think of things from the parents' point of view. You don't have to have a flower girl or a little ring bearer, just try to think about what happens when a whole bunch of people can't get babysitters. Then your fiance will likely be mad about half of his family missing from HIS wedding as well.

Answer 7

hey its your wedding do whatever you want to do! my MIL disagrees with some of the things im doing too but like you said, its your wedding! i actually wish more people would disinvite kids! i can see how they would annoy a bride! anyway, good luck!

Answer 8

It's as much the groom's wedding as it is the bride's wedding.  Let your boyfriend know how you feel, and ask him if he is okay with not having children there, but don't dictate to him what will happen before you hear his side of things.  Since most of the children are from his side of the family, I think he should be allowed to have the final say if you can't come to an agreement after talking things over.

Answer 9

I totally feel you. I do not want kids at our wedding either. They are a huge disturbance. (they are naturally bored at weddings, and need to "find' something to get into) Just bring it up with your fiance, tell him all the weddings you have been to kids have been a disturbance, and then on your R.S.V.P cards, write, adult reception and spread the word by mouth. And start spreading it early

Answer 10

Its your choice but I wouldn't give your friends and family the explination you just gave us about kids annoying the everloving c**p outta you might end up with no guests at all. Sorry but the whole thing sounded kinda bitter!  

Answer 11

No, it's not rude at all...It's YOUR wedding, and you get to set the rules.

You should, however, be prepared for the fact that some people will be upset about it.  Some people think that weddings are family events, and should include the whole family...they may raise a stink about it, but they'll get over it.

One way to have the event kid-free, but not upset your guests, is to have an alternative activity for kids.  You don't need to have a circus going on in the next room, but having a sitter (or a couple, depending on how many kids are involved) and space available is a nice thing.  Have some games and activities ready to keep the kids busy.

Just ask your boyfriend.  Seriously, if you're going to spend the rest of your lives together, this is one of the little things.  Ask him how he feels about it, tell him how you feel about it, and find a solution that can work for both of you (that's the only way your marriage will work!).

Answer 12

Hun its ur day.....ur the princess and u can do whatever u want...however u want to do it...n u shouldnt care about what anyone thinks or says

Answer 13

h**l just tell him what you have said here, by the way i hope you never have any kids.i do not think you would be a good mom.

Answer 14

No, not at all. You may want to word the invitation to say: Adults Only Reception.

When you send out your wedding invitations and reply cards, address them to Mr. and Mrs.... or Mr.... or Mrs.... or Miss.... or Ms... This indicates to them that they are the only invitees. You may even add Adults Only Wedding. Most people will take into consideration that the invitation was not sent to - and Family and will make arrangements for their children so they can attend the wedding without them.

However, if your husband to be is very against the idea, you may want a supervised children's area for those who "insist" on bringing their children, so they won't get in YOUR Way, and the adults can have a peaceful evening. Some reception halls will have a seperate room that the children can play in, without disturbing the wedding itself.

If you do not wish to do this, the first suggestion should be well understood by your guests when they see the actual invitation.

Answer 15

No it's not rude, we surprising got more YES! then ohhh... I can't bring my child.  I just put adult reception on the RSVP cards.  For the few people that made a fuss- I said there will be an open bar and club style music- this is not where children should be?  Would you take your child to a bar?

Plus my cater did not discount children and didn't offer a cheaper meal- I wasn't paying $75 a head for a child.  And then you get into that "everyone" wants to bring their kid if you allow some children.  We had issue with step-sister and aunts and cousin wanting to bring their kids- if my husband full blood sister got to bring HER kids.  What a mess!  We didn't have a single child in the wedding or at the reception.

No matter what you do- you will not please everyone- just try to please yourself and you will get some whiners.  I even had one of my husband cousins call me and demand to bring her son because he was 21 therefore an adult, so why couldn't she bring her child?  LOL  I just told her we were on a tight budget and only had so many seat.  Can you image asking to bring your adult son to a wedding?  Oh and the kicker- her and her husband drank all night- got seconds for dinner... had two pieces of cake a piece and gave us a whole $25 as a gift.  I guess that how they feed the whole family for the weekend!  LOL

Oh- and most formal places don't allow you to have kids running around in another area.  I personally don't think it's your responsiblity to supply babysisters- good lord it's only 1 freaken night out of their lives.  And there WAS NO ONE who didn't attend our wedding because their children were not invited.  I had one sister inlaw threaten not to come but changed her tune when she reliezed I wasn't giving in.  If they can't get a baby sister for one night- then they are not that close of a family or friend's anyway!

Answer 16

Yes, and your last sentence gave you away. It's not your own personal wedding, it's the wedding of both of you.

There's nothing wrong with not having a flower girl or ring bearer, we didn't have them.

However, children are part of families, and families celebrate weddings together. It's kind of the purpose of a wedding!

Answer 17

That would be something that you and your man need to figure out. It is easier for you to say that no children are allowed since you have none on your side. I, personally, think it is rude  to not let his family attend just because you don't like little kids. I had several kids at my wedding and they all just played together, they didn't bother anything or anyone at all.

Answer 18

I would definitely talk to your fiance first and see how he feels if he wants his family there (including kids) then I would contact the Education Department and see if there are any college students who are looking to make a few dollars maybe you can set up a daycare center.

Answer 19

It's more than okay to not allow kids at your wedding. We're not allowing kids, and we're really happy with our decision (I feel the same way that you do).

I would put "adult-only reception" on the invitation, and just make sure your wedding party and parents mention to those families with kids that the kids will not be allowed to attend to ensure that everyone has a worry-free time.

Just be sure that you address your invited with only the names invited. Stay away from phrases like, "an family" because then it will be assumed that kids are invited. If people start to RSVP saying their kids are coming, simply call them up and say, "While we appreciate your enthusiasm, we have limited seating at our venue, and have therefore decided to give adults preference and will not be allowing kids."

I've found that most parents are relieved to have a night without the kids. Some will be upset, but we haven't had anyone say that they wouldn't come because their terror of a child isn't invited. They eventually get over it.

Answer 20

"Especially if it's MY formal event."

you forget already that it would also be HIS formal event.

i'm not arguing against an adult's-only reception. but given that his family is teeming with rugrats, it might not be easily accepted (unlike if his family had only a few small children). you could set an age limit by noting on the invitation "children 12 and older only please" and then be very specific when you address the inner envelope.

i understand how you feel. before we opted for the flower girl/ringbearer combo, i was against children being in the ceremony for the exact same reason (they don't annoy me really...but i'd rather not hear "oh your FG or RB was so cute!" for the rest of the day).

since you and your boyfriend are merely discussing it, i wouldn't worry too much about it at this point. wait until you are actually engaged and beginning to plan your big day. besides, when discussing marriage, your focus should be on the marriage and relationship...not the wedding. the wedding is only one day.  

Answer 21

No, it's not really rude. The things I would suggest to avoid trouble would be to see how many of your fiance's family with children are local, and if not, make sure you can line up some sort of childcare during the ceremony and reception for out-of-town guests - if you're having a church ceremony, usually there's a church nursery where the kids could sit and play or watch videos or scream their heads off and not bother anyone (except whoever's supervising the nursery - I'd suggest hiring a couple local babysitters) during the ceremony, and depending on what venue you have, you may be able to set up something similar during the reception, but at least have the numbers of a bunch of good, reliable, local sitters on hand. Of course, if the kids in question are local, it shouldn't be such an issue at all.

Answer 22

I agree with you.  I have no kids on my side either.  Granted, we are eloping so this will not be a problem for us.  You have to pay for kids to eat and that definately ups the cost of the wedding.  Just say it is an adults only wedding.  People will understand.  Make your bf's side of the family pay for the kids if he objects.  My family is small so it wouldn't be fair for mine to pay for his enourmous one!  You might lose some guests because they can't bring their kids, but thats what you will have to expect.

Answer 23

It's totally okay to have an adults-only wedding. That being said, it's totally okay for people to choose not to attend without their children. You might  consider providing childcare.