Would this be some type of abuse on a child? I do know it is wrong to do.?

Question

My son (his age is 2 1/2) is being forced to call his biological fathers girlfriend mom. The biological father has called my son names when his hair was so called long and at other times that I cannot recall. Ever since the new girlfriend he does not really see my son anymore he only sees him about every 3 to 4 months.

I am just wondering if anyone else thinks that this is some kind of abuse and if so what kind. I know its wrong to confuse a child.

I am becoming really worried about my sons physical and emotional state when he goes with this man.

If anyone wants to know yes he pays child support but I do not care about it to me it is a joke.

Answer 1

Not abuse. But sad.  Mental abuse is a problem, but this doesn't seem to fit the bill.  

Answer 2

The word mom is just a word.  Emotionally your son is not connected with this person.  Stop making a big deal about it.  Eventually he will develop his own vocab for his dads shack-ups.  



In time your son will learn that his fathers words are just his way of being.  Since he is only seeing the boy 4X's a year there is not going to be any real problem.

In the mean time don't  you go bashing the man you decided to breed with.  Make the meetings as pleasant as possible.

When he made a comment about the long hair you should  have said.  "Maybe you could take him for a haircut, you know more about those things then me,"  Then, even if the kid came home with a Mohawk you should have said "Oh how cute".  You have got to learn how to play his game girl.  Don't let him see that he is rattling your cage.

Answer 3

I don't think your son being forced to call another woman mom is something to worry about I used to go through the same thing and than I got to the point where I knew that my daughter knew who her "mom" was and it was only a word she was forced to say, not something she really felt. She tought it would make her donor happier but it ended all the same as if she didn't call this other woman mom. But yes I believe any name calling of a child is a form of abuse, this should not be tolerated and if the father isl ike this your son is better off away from such negativity if you can give him 100% of your love and devotion.

Answer 4

well take him or something if u love him than take him away from him!!!

Answer 5

Just counter with explaining that she is the mom when he is with her and dad. What ever you do don't compound it with telling him that his Dad is a moron.  When you speak of her then use her real name. When talking to him about his Father make sure you don't say anything that is a put down to dear old Dad.

Sounds like you will be doing lots of explaining in the years to come.  

When you can't say something good then don't say anything at all. Just smile and walk away.

Your child will take his cues from you and it will be echoed back to Dad and his lovely wife. They will then have ammo to put you down to him which will confuse him more than he is

As he gets older he will appreciate the fact that you were above all that catty back biting.  

Answer 6

This may not technically be abuse but this kind of action is going to be very disturbing and difficult for your child. If his father is that bad you should try to get full custody with supervised visitation. Go back to court and do whatever you need to do for your son. That woman will be out of his life beofr eyou know it and hes just going to be more confused. Hes just a baby still and shouldnt have to deal with his fathers psychotic issues. Your childs health and well being is obviously up to you because his father is part of the problem. You sound like you know what your doing and doing the best you can, so just remember you need to do whats best for your son, and do it now while hes little. These formative years can leave the most impact and you need to do whatever it taks to minimize the impact his father is having on him.

Answer 7

OK

Answer 8

I have a 15 year old step son that calls me mom and his dad by his name.  Gotta love it.

The kid should be able to make the decision.  If she is nice enough the kid will probably call her that anyway.  

Answer 9

its mental abuse because its hurting your son. and he don't gotta call his daddy girlfriend mom that ain't his real mother so why should he is they married? because if not then h**l to the no! and if your son like her like that then if he want to then fine but if he feel forced then he shouldn't have to. and if that was me the father would have been being mentally abused not my son huh daddy or not ain't nobody gonna call my child names and try to force him into Do'in something he don't want to and get away wit it shoot kick his ass1

Answer 10

It's not abuse, he's just forced to do something against his will. But if it means that much to you, file a document asking for sole custody of your son.

Answer 11

Yes, this is emotional or mental abuse.  Your 2 1/2 year old son is too young to know what is going on.  In the future however, he will remember that his father always call him names, as he gets older this will definitely have an affect on his self esteem.  Since the father does not see him the child all of the time, there may be some way that you could take him to court and request sole custody of your son and have supervised visitations with the father.  You would need to talk to a lawyer first.  I know I sure would not let my child go through that, I would definitely get some help.  Good Luck!

Answer 12

I would talk to my ex and tell him you do not feel comfortable with your child calling his girlfriend mom.  Tell him it is confusing your child and ask that he call her something else.  Explain that it is not fair to your child.  And I would explain to your child that you are mommy and that daddy's friend is not mommy but will treat you as a mommy would. And that he can call her something else besides mom.

Answer 13

.you say your child is being abused verbally by his biological father whom only sees him once  every 3 or 4 months. you should be glad if that is the case that he doesn't see him more often. there is nothing you can do with the way your ex speaks to your child when he has access . your  son is still young and therefore will call his new girlfriend mum  only till he starts to understand who his real mother is, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. by my calculations he is seeing this girlfriend 4 times a year at the most according to your details. children have a very short attention span and also by the time a year is up your husband might have a new girlfriend. if not I wouldn't be too upset as I don't believe your child is getting confused emotionally. children are very resilient.  

Answer 14

Talk to a child psychologist.

Answer 15

if your son doesn't see her as a mother then no he should not have to call her mom.

Answer 16

It is an issue of confusion for the child.  I would suggest that you bring it up in family court the next time you have a hearing.  Have the judge explain to your ex how conflicting this can be for your son.

Answer 17

If he is "forcing" your child to call her mom then it depends on whether your child minds or not. If he is calling your child names and making him feel bad then it is emotional or verbal abuse, however your child is too young to be able to tell you about his emotions. Confusing the child is not abuse it is just a misunderstanding that should be cleared up by the parents.

Answer 18

He has no right to force the boy to call this other woman mom. It's not an abuse, but it can be confusing to him.  Since he does not have very much custodial time, and the boy is not exposed to this woman, he should not be forced to call her mom, but instead should be referring to her by her name.

Answer 19

Talk to your lawyer about the situation and ask him what you can do legally. Ask him if you can make your son's father go to parenting classes.

Because he only see's the boy every 3 to 4 months you may even be able to get sole custody of him.  

Best of luck.  If it were me I would not want him around his dad at all.

Answer 20

The father is wrong to make your son call his girlfriend Mom.

It will confuse your son.

My advice would be, tell the father that he has to respect your wishes and see his son on a regular basis or you will stop the visitation rights.

You can legally do this, so if he says take it to court, go ahead because you will win.

Answer 21

The mom part I would not call abuse...I know it has a meaning behind it for you from your son. He knows that you are his real mom and to the other girl mom is just a nickname. I think its hurting your feelings more than its hurting your sons. The father calling him names is probably just him being playful.......thats how men let each other know they love them, with the mean nicknames. But if it makes YOU uncomfortable you have every right to tell the father you dont like the nicknames and you both gave your son a birth name for a reason. As for your sons emotional state when he spends time with his dad...its only a few times a year and im sure your son holds on to those moments the hardest he can. The father is a man and men are stupid, he may not be trying his hardest but he's trying and at least he hasnt given up on his son completely...thats when you should be worried about your sons feelings. Hope I helped??