Would this be the time to forget being "friends""?

Question

My ex husband and I separted in 05. Since then I have remarried and moved forward. The only thing that kept my ex even as a subject in conversation was my contact with the friends that we had when we were married. Several still had contact with him but nothing major. When we split up many of these "friends" were there to support me or appeard to have supported me. Emails, phone calls and Holiday cards ect

Last month one of these old friends ( a couple) got married. I was friends with the girl and my ex with the guy of this couple. I was emailed on the wedding updates, a wedding page, pictures of the upcoming event, where they were registere. Grant it I know they got married in Ireland, but let me ask you this....

I found it kind of enlightening that I was told about a wedding, and all the jolly good emails.. but note invited. I know the realistic thing is I would NOT attend this wedding due to costs, but usually an invitation is sent anyway....

The emails from our old friends have stopped over the months... so have the calls and texts.. why do people do this and be so FAKE about thier sincere emotional support?

Answer 1

You have a new life now and unfortunately these things happen.  Create a new circle of friends and enjoy their company.  It's time to move on and don't let your ex husband use the former friends to find out where you live and try and contact you.  And I'd say the same thing if it had been a man who was asking this question.

Answer 2

What makes you assume they were fake?  I have a lot of friends that I used to be good friends with.  Now I still do my part but they don't do their's.  I make all the phone calls.  I make all the plans.  I make all the effort to stay in touch and I eventually got sick of it.  

I've been friends with several girls.  When they get a boyfriend, they completely change.  Suddenly they have to wait on him hand and foot.  They can't call you back if the boyfriend is around or if he doesn't want them to.  After the divorce it is likely that YOU changed and aren't the same fun person you used to be.  

This one couple just got married.  I know it seems impossible to believe but the bride had a lot on her mind.  She was planning a wedding in Ireland and I'm guessing she doesn't live there.  She had a LOT on her plate and probably a lot of people with high expectations.  And you think she is fake simply b/c she didn't make sure her life took second place to you?

I mean it was in Ireland.  Perhaps she was having a small intimate wedding.  Perhaps she didn't invite you b/c she wasn't inviting friends or didn't want you to feel obligated.  I know you feel a bride should be obligated to send an invite to everyone she knows but invites cost money.

The emails from friends have stopped.  Did you email them back?  Did you tell them about your life?  Did you make time to see them?  I've stopped emailing friends over the years when I email them a long email about my life and get back a "that's nice", one paragraph that says "life is fine".  That's boring.  And I can't keep up a conversation one sided.

Rather than call them fake and assume they took his side over yours (even though it's been 3 years), why not see if perhaps you changed?  Perhaps you didn't keep up the friendship?  Or perhaps people just drift apart when they don't see each other often enough.  Or perhaps they knew that you were resenting them for talking to your ex and calling them fake...

Answer 3

They had good intentions and tried to be neutral but sooner or later they are forced into taking sides.  That's life kid!  You should have enogh of YOUR OWN friends, if not go out and make some new ones.  Good luck.