Would this bother you? ( or am I just being too sensative?)......?

Question

We have a child who is developmentally challenged. Well, we were all having lunch with some friends and their spouses. One of the spouses who knew my child was developmentally challanged decides to start talking about how frusterated she was because her child (who is the same age as mine) scored average on an IQ test when she is sure he is smarter. She went on and on about how he should have gotten into this special school for smart kids. I think she should consider herself fortunate that he doesn't have to depend on a personal aid during his school time. I was too annoyed and didnt want to say anything and make everyone else uncomfortable. Especially since all our children were there. What are you thoughts?

It just bugged the heck out of me the rest of the day and I never want to hang out with them again.

Answer 1

They're proud of their children and expect more of them than average, just like most parents, and I don't think they were saying anything to offend you.  I think you took it too personally.

Answer 2

Well she is entitled to have her own feelings since she is talking about her son but she should have also been more sensitive to your feelings knowing that your child is developmentally behind...I say dump her and the hubby as friends...you don't need anyone making you feel bad but you also can't expect everyone to walk on egg shells because your son is developmentally behind...that is something no one can control and you just need to take it for what its worth and just work with it and not expect people to feel sorry for you. Best of Luck! and love your child no matter what!

Answer 3

This is a tough one. I totally understand why you were offended, however, you have to remember that everyone wants better for their children. Besides, would you rather have people tip-toe around discussions and conversations because your child is developmentally challenged? My best friends daughter has autism and will always be in a special class, however he son was punished last year for failing a class. Should she just have considered herself fortunate that he didn't have to depend on a personal aid? I am really not trying to be rude, just giving you a different point of view before you ditch her as a friend. I bet if you told her you were offended by what she said, she would be surprised and not even realize that she had hurt your feelings.  

Answer 4

I think it is pretty rude of that person to say those things.  Having a special needs child is hard enough without listening to someone brag about a normal child.

You have the upperhand keeping your cool especially in front of the children.  I would no longer hang out with them.  

Your child is lucky to have a mother like you.

Answer 5

This was very insensitive and bordering on rude and obnoxious especially since the children were there. I would have been just as bugged as you are.....probably more.

Answer 6

That would bother me, and I probably wouldn't hang out with them again, at least not for a while. I'm sure she is just ignorant and wasn't trying to be rude on purpose- but it was very rude.

Answer 7

You could look at it two different ways.  Either she is completely oblivious to other people's feelings, and it was a totally thoughtless thing to say.... OR she is so comfortable with you and loves your child so much that she doesn't even think of his disability as a disability.  In either case she didn't think before she spoke - but this is not necessarily a reason to write her off.  Do you want to try talking with her first to find out what was going through her mind when she said that?

Answer 8

I have an autistic child myself. I think that I want him to live up to his fullest potential just as much as my"normal" children and your friend sounds like that is all she is concerned about with hers. She may know that your child is challeged but not fully understand what that means. Remember everything your child does is just as special as any other child no matter what. People will just be human. I will be willing to bet that you have found that your childs disablity has some things that makes him or her pretty amazing as I have in mine.

Answer 9

It does seem a bit rude and insensitive. However, she could also be thinking of your child as just another regular child (which i would expect from a true friend) and it not even register what she was saying. It could have just been a slip up and she could be beating herself up over it. Maybe she realized what she was saying but thought that stopping in mid conversation would draw more attention to the insensitive fuss that she was making and make it awkward.

That could be the other side of the argument. But I completely see how that would have bugged you. At the same time though she is a parent too just like you and she may have just been talking about what was bugging her just like you would have if something was bugging you.

If you really like hanging out with this friend you might try talking to her about it or just blowing it off. If she continues to say things that try to make her kids look perfect over yours maybe she is not worth keeping around and just gently cut ties with her.  

Answer 10

I can understand why you'd feel that way. Your friend was a little  insensitive about the topic in discussion. She probably didn't mean to be rude, she just has no idea what having a child with developmental challenges is like. Next time something like this happens just change the subject. You shouldn't stop hanging out with them because they weren't disrespecting your child. Not everyone knows what some parents go though. You will meet a LOT of people like this. As long as no one talks down to your kid or about them, than you shouldn't anger yourself. But feeling 'bugged' is totally understandable.

Answer 11

Well she should never discuss any of  this in front of the kids. But on the other hand at least she isn't acting all weird around you and your child because he is special needs. She acted the same as she would if he did not have any developmental challenges which in my opinion is better. Friends can be annoying at times regardless of our kids conditions. Just stay away for a while or if she is not a friend worth having then simply start to cut off ties.  

Answer 12

Wow considering she knew about your son's developement challenges, that was bloody rude of her to make those comments, she could of waited for another time to talk about that one when you weren't around, definitely rude. and I would of spoken up, very selfish. Everyone thinks their child is extra special no matter what, to have someone actual tell her no her child is average it's hurt her precious lil ego. You are a most stronger and better person for keeping your cool about it. (hats off to you) I couldn't of done that, I would of rowdied up that's for sure.

Don't hang around her again for sure, if she's that rude to be so inconsiderate, imagine what she's like when you're not around.

Sorry things like say alot about one's character. (or lack of it)

Answer 13

I would be annoyed and let her know she hurt your feels. But you also have to remember that your challenges are not hers, and that she will be challenged by her child in different ways then you are by yours!   What might be a wonderful achievement by your child, she might see as a disappointment in hers.  Doesn't give her the right to make you feel bad about your child, but you each face different challenges raising your children.  

Answer 14

She was just talking, as a parent myself she should not have been talking bad about her child. I dislike people who bad talk their spouses and children. Anyway, she sounds annoying and I doubt she even realized what she was saying or even cared. Don't be hurt it doesn't sound like she was a close friend and never feel like you have it worse than others because then you are on their level. People complain its normal, I have a friend with burns over 80% of his body, he looks like a leather purse (very handsome though) and people always complain about their lives to him and he never does.

Answer 15

You could well do without insensitive people like that,but maybe she just did not think.but maybe someone to avoid in future.

Answer 16

While she is entitled to have her own feelings and issues with her specific circumstances, it was definitely insensitive of her to be going on about that sort of thing with you (and your child!) there. Yes, it would have bothered me too.