Would you accept me as a student if I submitted this to you?

Question

I am prepared to undertake Information Technology unit 3/4 in 2009. If I am chosen to do so my work ethic and study habits will me bring me good results and I will complete all tasks given to me with pride and hard work. I am prepared to take on any challenge that this subject will throw at me and I understand that my best and only my best is what will be asked for.This is why I have chosen to study Information Technology unit 3/4 in 2009.

Answer 1

Pretty good for a rough draft. One change I saw you need to make right off.

If I am chosen to do so: You need to change that to:

When I am chosen for the course: or something like that. or:

When you instruct me to report from the first day my work ethic ..............

Also change: will bring me pride good results:

To something along these lines:

Will make you glad you chose me over the other candidates .  . . .. .  .. .

Like I said a pretty good first draft just needs to be tweaked a little.

Answer 2

   I think you are on the right track.  I do think it sounds a bit formulaic.  By that, I mean that your last sentence sounds like SO many that are constructed by student writers who feel they must follow a very specific model in both their sentence structure, and in their paragraph development.  Toward that - you definitely learned what you were taught!   A big "grrrr..!!" to my well-meaning quasi-colleagues!

    BE YOU!  Show some guts and give maybe a specific goal you have for the class or what you hope taking the class will help you achieve technically and/or academically.  

     I would also have someone proof-read it before you make your final copy.  Or else write it using a word-processing program with strong grammatical (error detecting?) capability.  A rule of thumb: if you pause while reading out loud, put a comma.

       Good luck!  :)  

Answer 3

maybe- say something about why the course would be of interest to you and what you would gain from it.

Answer 4

I think that definately needs to be re-worded.

Answer 5

No. I want to know why you want to take IT 3/4 and what you expect it to do for you.

If I were a grammar teacher, I'd take you on as a pro bono project.  

Answer 6

Alright, this is good and all but you need to sound a little more professional in my opinion.

"I am prepared to take on any challenge that this subject will throw at me" ... Try: " I am willingly prepared to take on any challenge that comes with this course"

"I understand that my best and only my best is what will be asked for."

...Try: " I understand that I will only be asked for my best in this course."

Answer 7

Yeah, but you still have to have the proper high school qualifications in order to get accepted. You can't just ASK for a place and expect to get it. Good luck.

Answer 8

Your missing a lot of commas.  Besides that its good

Answer 9

Yes.It makes you sound very informed about what you want to do

Answer 10

NOPE.

Answer 11

You only promise to work hard  Were I accepting you as a student, I would rather you give me some results from your past studies. They will speak louder than any  words.